No Bother, No Brother, No Border.

THIS THING IS HARD JOR...

2011-12-28T14:05:00.000+01:00

There was a time when i couldn't imagine not being on blogger for a week. These days, tis hard to actually be on blogger at least once in a month.

When i think about my blogger history, the why i started it and what it helped me with and ALL the wonderfully correct peeps i was opportuned to meet on blogger...i almost feel like a friend was telling me she felt about church;

She said when she was yet unmarried, she had a lot of time to spend in church. Moreover, all the people who were "her type" were there in church as she had always been a church girl herself. Fast forward 10years later, she has a family to look after; a husband and 2 toddlers and my friend was fretting that she no longer had time to be so so involved in church activities. According to her, the preacher man was insinuating that because they all now had what they wanted, they have neglected God and "His work".

I laughed and noted to her how the preacher man was just being either a selfish something something or just couldn't see beyond his pious nose. God would definitely expect these hardworking women to spend more time taking care of their homes which is the bedrock of the faith and the society in general. Perhaps Preacher Man should focus on the unmarried "youth" and let married folks be responsible devouts.. As opposed to just being devouts.

Same way, I like to think Blogsville will understand my absence and not chalk it down to another ingrate that came, took and disappeared. I am doing my part in encouraging more new folks to blog even if I can't make the time like I would love to.
Man, tis hard balancing this with the responsibilities life and work have thrusted on me. But I'm confident that y'all understand that ManCee can't forget you, even when I don't remember.

Compliments of the season.

Stay smiling
-ManCee

TAMING A CWY BABY

2011-11-01T10:09:00.000+01:00

Pally1: I want to come back home oooooooo:'(
ManCee: Who chase you b4?
Pally1: Me ;;)
ManCee: So....
Like I said before...
"QUIT WHINING":|
Pally1: :*cwying* I'll whine all I want
ManCee: Cwy cwy baby :p
Pally1: Leeme o ehen
ManCee: Cwy cwy baby
Na you go taya
When you taya
You no go cwy again.
Pally1: ROFL
ManCee: *chuckle*
Pally1: A cwy poem, ROFL
ManCee: Lol
As old as I can remember....
My mum used to chant it for my lil sis
Pally1: Lol
Never heard it. She was a cwy baby like me?
ManCee: Chic cwied for next to no reason. Wakes cwying sef. I swear up till primary schl o
Pally1: Lol. Is she the last born?
ManCee: Till my mama cured her
ManCee: No o...
Pally1: Wht did she do?
ManCee: Oh! One of those early-morning-wake-up-cwying-sessions....I heard sounds that resembled drum beating...
Actually, the sound woke me..
Pally1: What was the sound?
ManCee: I heard my sister voice...Man of the house, I sprung to action...
With speed to make Clark Kent green..I sped to the corridor
Pally1: Lol
ManCee: With speed to make Bruce Wayne cower I pieced together the puzzle...
There was my beloved sister cowering in a corner
Pally1: Oya na... *skipping impatiently from side to side*
ManCee: Next to her my dear mother. My sister's face was dotted with surprise.. My mother's with satisfaction
Pally1: Lol. What did she do? What did she do?
ManCee: The lil girl was trying to get away from the Physical Education Masters holder + educator in front of her..
ManCee: With the next raising of the bigger female's hand...I dashed forward ...Grabbed her hand, came in between the two.. "Mummy, what did she do? Why are you beating her like so..?!
And my mum who is one of the most balanced persons I know shrugged and answered...'Nothing'
... 'NOTHING'?!
Pally1: Lol
ManCee: Omg, where is her husband?
Where is the man who married this female?!
Pally1: She was just beating her for nothing!:O
ManCee: Her marbles are definitely missing more than a few
The unthinkable
The abomination!
Pally1: Lol
ManCee: Walking away to continue her morning chores, she continued...
"Everytime she cwies and ppl ask me why, I always say 'I don't know' "
But now if they do, I'll tell them I beat her.
Pally1: what did she do?
ManCee: I swear to you by the unfailing mental well being of that dear woman till date and the incredulity of my beloved sister's sustained healing till date...
The I-will-beat-you-before-you-have-a-chance-to-cry prognosis WORKED!
Our house never heard the early-morning-wake-up-cwyings again,
Pally1: ROFL
ManCee: But mama's thumping was heard at other times, for different erring child-members of the household who decided to give her a reason to remember the biblical saying that...
"In the heart of a child is madness. 'Pashan' (yoruba for cane) will remove it" O:)
And look how great we turned out. :D
Pally1: Lol
Yeah, it works all the time
God bless our mothers :)
ManCee: *Amen * may our kids be able to eventually say same for us.
Pally1: Lol. Amen oooo!

A HAUNTED MIND

2011-09-26T01:49:00.001+01:00

A haunted man
By the stillbirth pains
Of dreams unfulfilled/ unforgotten
Preyed on
By the truism of desire
And the veracity of failure
Humbled beneath his quivering feet
(Forced into) hiding in the twines of self doubt
Solace seeking in the shadow of the past
Cowering before the promise of the future
Camouflaging in strength and resolve
Face as uncompromising as flint
Heart as vulnerable as butter
Body torn between either extreme
Head reeling in aching formulae
-formulations to predict happiness
Intelligent theories that miss the obvious truth
The transparent truth taught in nurseries
"One bad fruit don't spoil the whole bunch"
Not every soul can really be saved
'Life' happens to even the best of us

The journey is long; the trip is hard
The man who lasts is the man who is
The redemption song is a self sung one
Mental slavery and emancipation
For none but ourself can free our own mind
With no fraternity with failures of the past
No fear of the luminousity of the future
Chasing down each dream with resolve steely
With swords of desire, driving through each
A need for fresh air, to be, to breathe
To be happy, find fulfillment, and to live
And cease to be
'A haunted man'.

-ManCee

-0159 300811
B,O.C

SUPER VILLAIN

2011-08-12T18:36:00.002+01:00

I sit here by the sunset
With memories by the score
Of the love I gave but never got
But I gave my all
Much more than I've got
Still I end up folorn

O daughters of Eve
Offsprings of the garden love
You who worm into our core
Partake of our store
Fly off by the light of dawn
And leave our heart with a bore

Perhaps there's nought like love
Perhaps tis a tool, vamps for
-I hesitate to say whore
Oh! Spare me the gore
And with a gun just rob
Than spin me mushy folklore
That hurts the more
When you leave us null
Dour, sour
And of heart poor.

(something from the archives)

My Privilege

2011-08-05T01:26:00.002+01:00

Its a privilege

Music fills the infinite between two souls, they say
The songs we share remind me of you
The burden of each day is lightened when I hear you laugh
Then the morning becomes more than just another day...
But another chance to look at life with a smile
And believe that indeed and of a truth
Life is a gift
We earn the privilege by enjoying it.
I am privileged to have had you in mine.

(I miss you old friend,
Fleeting as it was, our time
You I can not forget-
-Even when I do not remember...)

For a day…

2011-07-29T17:47:00.001+01:00

I don’t think I can pass for “cuddly”, I’m better as “Cuddler”.

6 foot 2, muscular build (these days, most of the time), lets face it…it’ll be quite a search finding a female big enough to cuddle me.
Part of the reality of MY world…I have to be the ‘designated cuddler’. I don’t mind most times…but today, I WANT TO BE CUDDLED.

And in my psyche, I’m more of a giver than receiver (- my ‘selfishness’ was acquired )

Am I lonely? Maybe, dunno…
Horny? Doubt it, but dunno…

I want to be held and rocked. Almost like I want to be a child again.

No, I don’t want to be irresponsible and stupid, just want to be… a child.

Have someone, a female, fawn over me. No, not my mother *rolling my eyes*, it is important that I’m also attracted physically to this ‘someone’. Else it all wont work. My mind wont be able to let go and let “MAN Cee” slip away.

I want to feel someone coo in my ears, feel Another’s warmth on my arms, nest in the cradle of someone’s care, rest my head on some ample bosom, sense a female hustle and bustle about my flat while I lay back and placid with a hot cocoa, curled up listening to soothing music. Someone to take care of ME, today. This weekend?

If only there was a “Dial-A-Cuddler”. *sigh*

I’m so used to being there for people, taking care of everyone, solving their problems , listening, being big brother, son, mentor, advisor, consultant, engineer, goto person etc. SH*T! ManCee is tired! I feel like I’ve given so much and I need a refill. I want to have no cares for a while…mine nor others’.

Maybe I’m just weary. Maybe I just need a break from myself. Maybe I’m losing it. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Maybe I just want to be a …’child for a day.’

-ManCee

FEMALE :(PHOBIA or :)PHILIA

2011-07-12T11:54:00.004+01:00

My friend said to be wary of women, I absent mindedly asked 'why?'

"WHY?!" he thundered...

"Because the woman is the only creature on the earth today that was not made DIRECTLY from the ground (earth). There is virtually no information as to how she was created. All we are told is that God took a rib, went away, and came back with a woman. How he did it, we do not know.

In Gen chapter 6, Angels came down from heaven because of the woman. In the new testament, Paul advises Christians to FLEE forni……

We can stand against demons, Stand against the powers of darkness and Resist the devil; But when it comes to the woman you are advised to run… not walk, not cast or bind but run"

Okay, I'm still laughing...

Then I remembered a colleague who said "The best way to defeat a temptation is to 'fall for it'. Then it ceases to be a temptation, rather, something in the past."

Both make sense in their twisted ways, and the question boils down to...

"TO DO or NOT TO DO"

Ladies, should we fear una?
==============================================
Hello Blogsville,
I've missed y'all pieces.
Forgive my silence, forgive even more my absence...for you(pl) are always with me.
-ManCee

The I'm too hot syndrome

2011-03-08T09:23:00.000+01:00

So there's this fella from way back who all his life had been a church boy, became a church 'bro', was many times an executive on his Campus fellowship board etc etc

Guy finished with school and NYSC and landed a real swell job with schlumberger ( for those who don't know, that's a really sweet job right there). Went abroad on a 6month training, had a car and apartment all set up in like light speed quick. In short, guy was no longer am 'average' dude.

However, my guy never had a girlfriend before. Not even a 'sister' from college days. He was effing timid when it came to lady things. Sure he fancied a few ladies in school..but that was it. None of them ever got to know of it. So my guy has been eyeing a particular chic in church ( equally a church girl) and finally -with our encouragement- steps up to her to ask her to be his girlfriend. The girl agreed within a short while. Drop dead gorgeous good churchy damsel, most definitely a virgin and all thÉ works.

Then bobo -all by himself- has an epiphany. If this girl who is the envy of all bros could jell for him so quickly, no no no; if HE could get the girl with so little effort, then that means he's just an ugly duckling who has always been a swan all aloÑg! To test his theory, he broke up with Pweety and went after another...same result!

...And thus was a monster born.

Fast foward a year later, dude is a confirmed ladies man. Babes calling in left right and centre. He confessed to have done a threesome at least thrice! Nice right!? When we met again, he tried to impress me with his 'awesome' statistics.

I laughed at his juvenile rantings and educated him on "Mancee's Law of Universal Averageness". WÍthout the high soundiÑg words, it just says we are all the same. Some haters have said it derives from Biblical Solomon's "Nothing new under the sun". By implication, you actually don't have a truly unique and exclusive thought; someone else is thinking your exact same thoughts somewhere else. No don't confuse this with alternate dimension crap...it aint the same.

Anyways, in this case; ever woken up someday and told yourself that IF someone were to grab you and beg you for sex that day, you'd happily oblige? Well, at least one other person is thinking same. So while you wait for 'someone' to make the move, 'someone' is ...wait for it... Waiting/hoping/ wishing that YOU would make the move. Lastline? No one gets laid.

So, as a 'player' and or 'slut' (gender irrelevant), when you think you've 'scored', you have only met with your other 'Thought-Sharer/peer'. NÓ big deal. You still aint all that.

We all aint. We are all the same...

-Mancee :D

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Arrangee..sorta!

2011-02-19T09:18:00.001+01:00

So, my older cousin called me up last night. 'Go to my fb page, look for a certain chic called (say) 'Helen'. Check out her page and call me back'.

I sighed, the matchmakers wont let up would they? I did as instructed, chic had a sorta poem that started out well and sorta grew so effusive while trying to be vague that i wouldn't have given it a good grade. I read the almost equally effusive comments and wondered if people still understood poetry at all. I wanted to leave a short 'critique' but I had to be 'friends'. *sigh*

She has like 4 blog pages (2 on wordpress, 2 on blogger) last updated in 2009-all on the same day. The one that had the most had just 2 entries.

Called bros back. He rants off her biodata, I'm trying to put together a profile of her in my head. I tell bros about the other chic i just met, not too much details just a heads-up thing. He says to at least be friends with the nu girl and just check her out. I'm chuckling, but the need to comment on the girls's lengthy 'poem' becomes overwhelming...so I log back on, ask to be fB friends and left a personal msg that I read her 'poem' and have some comment to add.

What do I have to lose?If she adds me, I get to have fun poking fun at her, and she may just learn a thing or two. If not *yawn*, back to my ps3 baby....
Perhaps I'm really outta my mind.

perhaps...

2011-02-10T20:01:00.003+01:00

I met someone.

Friend of a friend's wife

At a friend's wedding where I was the compere

Been seeing her for a couple of weeks

It would appear she thinks I'm all that

I maintain my aloofness like she's just there

She knows my story and doesnt mind

I like her and she seems 'my kind'

I'm wondering if I'm outta my mind.

-ManCee

MY BUCKET LIST (TOP TEN)

2011-01-13T23:28:00.004+01:00

1) Be Happy

2) Skydive

3) Bungee jump

4) Make out in the cinemas

5) Float a company

6) Secure a wife who loves my wowoh self totally

7) Have kids I can do 'chop knuckle' with

8) Ski on the swiss alps

9) Go on a 14 days boat cruise

10) Go scuba diving

...Put a safari trip somewhere in there :)

Pretty crowded top ten right? And the plan is to DO THEM ALL. Especially while I'm young and can still enjo the trips.

I better start now shay. I know and I'm sooo on it. The dream chasing starts with 2011, My year of ...
*wink*

-Mancee

2011, My year of...

2011-01-09T23:27:00.002+01:00

New year's eve...I watched in a semi daze as folks bustled by, smiles on their faces and you could hear the laughter in their voces. I paused to wonder what the excitement was all about...its just another day, then the night and yet another day. Sure, we call it a new year but its just a repetition of the same orbital journey round the sun. Remembering that the earth has been doing the same thing for thousands of years (or millions depending on who you are listening to)...I just cant help but wonder at our inate ability to take common place events and magnify them into festivities and label them as culture.

Well, I guess it all serves as anchors for our collective and individual sanities...something to look forward to. Hmmm!

The folks trooping to places of worship sure wont necessarily be better people, the ones in front of the big screen at home aint any better.

I opted for the 42"inch screen, watching the preacher man by broadband and trying to will my heart into the mood. My visiting friends would hear nothing of it..."We must go to church". *sigh*

What difference does it make anyways? we are still going to be watching a screen ( with worse resolution and comfort) due to overcrowding at the church from folks like us who endeavor to attend at least 3x a year...Easter, Christmas and New yrs eve.

The preacher declares the year a year of.....(insert any fancy sounding phrase of your choice that means more money, really). There were the annoying fireworks ...a few mugging incidents too. Next morning, all the car stickers from different churches all mean the same to me; 'unlimited success', 'outstanding breakthrough', 'unequalled favour'. 'supernatural prosperity'. These things are almost as humorous as some church names. Guess its the same folks behind it all.

NO!
I wont be a cynic this year. Well, not entirely. lol
A friend made me write my "top ten" bucket list- I intend to chase them.

2009 WAS MY WORST YEAR EVER.
2010 can be penned as my questionning and healing year

Mancee...welcome to 2011, My year of possibilities, dream chasing and actualising.

Oh!...and a fulfilling new year to you all. *Hugs*

The Joseph in Me

2010-09-13T12:40:00.000+01:00

(I wrote this a very long while ago and recently found it during a cleaning spate. Thought I'd share it with y'all)

Its a new month and yah dah yah dah, the year is running to an end ...again. *sigh*.

So I'm thinking, People always say 'may your wishes come true', come to think of it-I never wrote dow my wishes before. Now I'll embrace the cloak of anonymity and attempt to...

I have a dream...

I want to be rich (Duh!?) I want to retire at forty.

I want o be known as a philantropic business man. I want to use part of my business proceeds for charity. Since , sometimes I doubt the operandi of most NGOs (confessions, confessions) I'll probably start one and have another business arm act as its funds-generator. It'll most likely be skewed towards education/ personal develpment.

I want to marry (OMG, cant believe I'm writing that). Not just for the sake of marriage, but for the companionship. I have great great friends and family (well, most are) but there's always that thingy missing that I think we've all been programmed to seek in the marriage institution. I dont know yet if actual marriage will be good for me, but I want to have that special someone by my side soothing me and vice versa. :-)

Kids? Not sure. Maybe one maybe two. No more. Love those tiny people but I'm allergic to a prolonged exposure. Especially, when they start squirming and pooing and screaming the heavens down. Then you'll understand why God gave them the boot from yonder and sent them here as part of our continuing punishment (lol). I'd love to see mine grow up and be successful, focussed individuals who'd do much better than I would.

I'd like to have an educational institution. Teaching both formal and informal stuff. As formal as a structured curriculum school for kids and as informal as a grooming school for ladies (and interested guys). I have this vision of my 70th birthday and so many peeps I've touched would be in attendance.

I'd love to have sex at least 4 times a week. why are you surprised? tis too small or too much? I like to believe that its mid way. I'd like to quickly add that this doesnt mean if I exhaust my sex credit say by tuesday then no show again till next week. No ma'am. Fact is, I'd like it like every day. Before or after (damn! during) breakfast. But I hear women cant sustain as much of it as men can??? or is it just a marriage malady for women?

I'd love to have a mate who'll be my best friend (Yep! we'll demote the boyz). Who'd let me be the man in the home and not contest the sceptre. I would listen to her, gist with her...all the time. I'd ask after her dreams + career and help to make them work. I'd love for her to be someone concerned about her body and how she looks-NO she doesnt have to be an Agbani nor a botox addict. No ma'am, just need you to be a clean, tidy, industrious woman. I'd love for her to be FORGIVING; leave the hurt and pleasures of past boyfriends and relationships behind her and let us be newbies with each other. I'd love to give her a treat 'just because' and I'd bask in the joy of her near childish glee at my offerings. I'd like for her to 'spoil me' with correct home-cooked food and I promise to lick my fingers at every meal. I'd LOVE for her NOT to be a troublesome person. Who even if there is a 'valid' arguement to be had, would weigh the damage it could to 'us' and balance it with her love for drama/ need to vent. Someone who'd leave her parents' attitude to each other (good and bad) alone and lets write ours, afresh. I'm beginning to feel like I'm asking for an Extra-Terrestial .lol. Religion? Not sure. I want a good person-I've painfully found out this doesnt depend on religion

Tis funny. I feel like the others are well within my grasp and ability save for the part of a wife. She could be all Lovey-Dovey till marriage only to become a BIATCH. Heck She may even refuse me sex as 'punishment'. That'll be horrible. Or worse, she just opens up and wouldnt participate in the sextivity. That brings me to my last wish "to never have a reason to nor actually sleep with another person after the 'I do' "

BLAME BOREDOM

2010-08-20T10:03:00.000+01:00

This is a product of a very boring morning meeting (and an iPhone 3GS that makes typing fun), so forgive the obvious 'joblessness' that is the mainframe of this train of thought.

I hate being lied to, especially when they are obvious lies that I feel insult my intelligence. ONLY exception to this rule is IF you are Steven Spielberg, John Woo etc and I have paid you my money and relegated my thinking facilities to the back ground and have prepared to be lied to on the big screen.

However, this morning for some reasons, these repressed memories come now to haunt me-for example, see Transformers (still one of the best tribute to the geek community, of which I'm a proud member. Thank you). It goes against most theories and realities of physics for those huge machine goons to 'transform' and become cars, trucks etc.
That said, Transformers 2 is a disgrace. A blatant disregard for and blasphemy against the lofty worship of science by those damn heretic commerce fanatics. Why would you bring such concept as 'the fallen' into a decent geek flick. I mean although sci fi and magic vids are similar in the portrayal of the impossible but there is a reason some of us will NEVER touch any of the Harry Potter defilements; sci-fi attempts to give some credible explanation for it's conjectures beyond some childish incoherent babble of 'abracadabra' and 'whooosh'. Tah!

Those heretics literally brought their mysticism corruption into an otherwise decent pillar of geeky fantasy. C'mon!!!
Transformer 2 and all associated merchandise should be withdrawn and discontinued as an Attempt at Restitution. And of course, such violations of the rational science inclined mind naturally leads one to start finding the many hidden fault lines in the green-eyed director's creation. An undeniable one being the fine chic-I choose to not remember her name- in spite of going through ALL the fireworks alive (!!!!!), she still managed to look hot and like she just stepped out of an intensive 24hr make up session. Come on, man. Did Mammon, your green-backed god put you in such a hurry to reap heaps of greens from us all that you let such 'obvious-ities' slip through your otherwise capable minds?

Well, that's what happens when you directors -who are high priests of the Order of the Geek decamp and defile yourselves with the droppings from the table of those sloven, vile green eyed Abominations.
Do not under estimate the power and reach of science and the geeks who genuflect at her altars, better issue us an unreserved apology ... Emmm, any chance of a free ticket to the premiere of Transformers 3? *wide toothy grin*

YOU

2010-08-08T10:11:00.000+01:00

As more time passes
And thoughts of you dear one
bloom mindlessly in my mind

I will reach out to you
across the expanse
this expanse
Thoughts of you will soar
taking up wings
and floating into the blue sky
changing to kisses
and gently floating to your side
to bring me to you
in a cloud of dreams
to alight softly on your pillow
and sing you sweet lullabies

I'll take your hands in mine
look in your eyes through their lids

I will stroke your face softly
lightly twist your hair round my fingers
Watch you while you beauty-sleep
And as the morning comes
Leave a box of kisses on your pillow
Each to melt in your mouth
And whisper in your ears dear
'My voice is my camouflage,
I am always right beside you"

How lovely your smile
Ever seems, to me,
instilling warmth and love.
Dancing sunbeams
Inside my heart.

-ManCee 00:18; 03052010

IF I SAY IT, I'LL BE DAMNED...

2010-08-02T23:48:00.001+01:00

Every one has them I think, that bros who left for greener pastures a long time ago and hasnt been home in a long while yes there are the occasional ones who always keep in touch and everyone agrees that he is an 'okay' guy. Bros Emeka was that for us. Because he was such a correct guy, we were all constantly asking ' my bros, when r you taking a wife?'
He would laugh and say 'soon , my dear'. it was now the twelfth year.
We were not blood relations but you'd never know. I got to know him through his younger brother 'Cosmos'. We were his errand boys. If he needed something done in naija, it was either Cosmos or me- and he always settled well. These side runs helped fuel our adventures in 'womanism'.
Then came the day bro Emeka called and said he wanted to come rendezvous with a certain damsel he met in Germany while she came on vacation and they've been talking ever since. He said the relationship has been on for 3 months. He had not told anyone about her -not even us his boys-so as not to raise false hopes. We were elated.
On his arrival date, we were there to pick him up. At the hotel, he 'settled' us and asked us to disappear. We didn't see for a fortnight-only on phone. We were dying to meet this chic that had caught bros like so.
Cosmos said she had better be fine, I said better not have an accent.
Bro Emeka asked us to show after 2 weeks to meet her. I went but Cosmos couldnt get away from school. I got there early but she had to go run an errand. I teased bro 'E' endlessly when he told us this may be 'The One'- so well behaved, so decent. By the time she arrived we were all pretty gay from the many green and brown bottles stagerring about on the ruged floor. A gentle knock on the door and in walked unarguably one of the drop dead gorgeous girls I had laid eyes on yet. I momentarily oscillated between lust, envy, joy. When she opened her full lips to say 'good morning' in accentless english, I settled for lust. When bros 'E' mentioned me as 'his personal person' and her hazel eyes lighted up in glee, my emotions moved to envy. God knows I lingered on the hand shake. When she moved past me to hug bros, her Perf did a number on my head, catching a glimpse of her boobs from my higher height didn't help a bit. When I sighted the bump behind her as she leaned in to peck bros 'E', it was with my last will power that my member didnot come erect. I choked on my saliva and had to excuse myself to the gents. Damn! That girl was fine. Well , I blame my reaction on the alcohol.
At the carpark, I asked if we could call her 'Eve' for short. She objected rather quickly and added that she had an emotional attachment to her name, thank you. Bros asked me to take Evelyn's number and pass on to Cosmos. He wanted us to take care of any of her needs and treat her like we would him.
I met Cosmos later on and noticed a fleeting frown on Cosmos' face as he stored her number. I was way too tipsy to trust my own senses anyways so I let it fly.

On the way home, Cos was really quiet and I had to ask what was up. 'Nothing' he said.
My phone rang at about 2am, 'damn midnight calls', I muttered as I cursed beneath my breath.
'Hello?'
'what if bros 'E' is making a mistake?'
'pardon? Cosmos what are you on about?'
'what if bros 'E' is making a mistake? What if Evelyn is not the one '
'Look Cos, you need to go to bed. I expect you to be happy for bros and not dreaming up some nonsense. I hung up the phone. This Cosmos can be annoying sometimes sha.
5am, a persistent car horn woke me up. I looked down from my room window in the PG hall-it was Cosmos. 'Ol boy, you well so? It's effing 5am!'. 'Sorry man, but I can't sleep. I need to talk to you. I'm dead serious'.
I slipped into my robe and went to sit in his car.
Turns out Cos had Evelyn's number saved under his 'Escort group'- girls from all walks who get called up and referred from man to man, friend to friend under the direction of a pimp. I refused to believe that 'angel' I met could be a call girl.
'Cos, this is big!'
'Evelyn na ashawo; codenamed 'Eve'. AND she comes highly recommended too-that's why I saved her number'. Often the girls would hand out their numbers to satisfied clients in a bid to cut off the pimp's share for a future date.

How do we prove this without sounding like jealous idiots? How can we best save our dear bros from this? If we talk-wahala. If we no talk - na katakata.

We parted ways with a charge to find a good plot to expose this imposter to dear bros Emeka. Later that afternoon we met again to finalize plans. Cos made the call and the trap was in place.

Cosmos called bros 'E' and after congratulating him on Evelyn told him that there is this chic he had been with for a while too and would want bros E to meet later that week. A date was fixed-bros E would tell Evelyn told not to show that day but the next, thus freeing her up. Next we made a trip to the pimp's and looked through his albums for the one named 'Eve'. It was our dear Evelyn true true in an effing sexy pose. 'I'm going to love this' said Cos rubbing his hands together. I smacked the stupid boy on the head. We wanted her for Thursday night. Pimp master asked if she was to 'service' us both. Surprised i stammered ' she does that too?!' ' Sure, this is one of my top girls, kinky sex is her forte; how would you want it , anal, oral, toys, name it... But it'll cost you. We ordered the 'full bouquet'. Pimp Master gave his assurances.

Thursday, De Ritz Hotel, we drove in with bros E. When bros E asked why an hotel, Cos dismissed it casually saying 'bros, you know me now; effizy must follow'. We all laughed. drinks were ordered while we waited for Eve. Cos mentioned that he hadn't told his babe that she was meeting his older brother; it was meant to be a surprise you see...so bros E will wait in the bedroom till we knock on the door.
Ten minutes to D-time, bros E and I moved into the bedroom, he couldn't help giggling. You boys have really grown o. We laughed. I shut the door.

A subtle conspiratory knock on the main door and in walked Eve looking even more delicious than before. Cos did not waste time in undressing her and sucking hard on her erect nipples while she moaned loudly.
On hearing the moan, I excused myself from bros and skittered out to hear Eve ask where the other person was. Cos had her back to me. I took her from behind, I inhaled her hair smell deeply while running my fingers round her pubic. I inserted a finger there and felt the silky wetness. She moaned again without so mush as opening her eyes. Cos gently led her to the sofa while I continued to knead that butt. We had her kneel on the sofa while he went behind the sofa and she took his hardness in her mouth and was slurping away. I eased up her short dress and eased out my thing. Slipped on a sheath and entered that pinkiness from behind. I rammed into her mercilessly and her stiffled groans turned me on extra. I was so so excited from the whole play, the thought of bros E in the next room with African magic, the thick phat ass of his babe gliding over my member, her soft low moans as she sucked Cos and rammed back into me in perfect sync was too much. I came in an explosion of grunts and shivered out my last drops while squeezing her boobs hard. I noticed Cos with his head thrown back broaching nirvana too.

While they concluded their final lap, I pulled up my pants, wiped some sweat and went to get bros E

He could not believe it. There was Evelyn, his angel, sucking his younger brother's phallus.

"EVE!!! What are you doing with my brother's wee-wee?!"

'wee-wee?' this bros has got to be kidding me. If not for the all round bad situation, I for laugh till I orgasm again.

Without leaving her 'suck toy', she turned her glazed eyes to see bros E and upon recognition, hurriedly withdrew her mouth. This action made a sucking sound that made bros E shiver. He continued shivering in a spot and. I saw the blood drain from his face. I ran to him and helped him to a seat. He never took his eyes off Eve/ Evelyn.
Bros, we present to you 'Evil Eve'.
*************************************
Of course he didn't marry her. He went back to Germany and came back 2 years later with a white wife.
Did he forgive them? Of course, they were his boys now and saved him from a lifelong error. (of course, they had our own trip. And for free too)
They however, had to go to the pimp and explain that the girl was apparently seeing their bros who they were organising her for; only for them to make the discovery in the heat of passion and she couldn't deliver on the full service ordered.The 10%pimp down payment was lost. But after all considered, it was the freaking bestest cheapest 'service' ever.

Cos is now married with children. And the story teller was a taximan I hired for a day trip.

-Mancee.

KAITA

2010-06-18T14:13:00.003+01:00

Up Super Chickens!

Was the Kaita guy wrong? Should he be vilified etc etc...Well, I really dont care much about that.
:D
I just appreciate the work that has gone into this (Did I hear you say 'bored souls', *chuckle*)

==========================================================================

KAITA (Kai-ta)
v. Kai*ta, Kai*tas, kai*ta'ed, kai*ta'ing

1. To single-handedly dash the hopes and aspirations of one's nation in the full glare of other nations
2. To karate-kick your way out of the greatest stage/spotlight ever known to man
3. To destroy/zap/ siphon the energies of team mates plus 140 million people through unexplainable stupidity
4. To act foolishly, unintelligently or irrationally and IMMEDIATELY regret the action by falling on your knees

(Etymology: Derived from the dreadful match between Nigeria and lowly Greece at the 2010 Soccer World Cup)

Usage:

"Please, please, do not KAITA what we have been building for 50 years o! Oloshi!"

"I don't care what people say, I will KAITA the multi-billion dollar plan!"

"That man, you know, the hopeless, useless, visionless, KAITAing guy!"

"I was KAITAing until I met Jesus!"

Synonyms:

1. Sabotage
2. Incapacitate
3. Destroy/Demobilize
4. Jeopardize
5. Impair
6. Implode
7. Shege Banza!

OTHER MEANINGS AND DERIVATIVES

KAITA (Kai-ta)
n. Kai*ta

A term that describes a temporary but kaitastrophic loss of mental competency and faculty.
See also Instant Amnesia.
(Source: davidylan)

KAITAISIS (Kai-ta-i-sis)
n. Kai*ta*i*sis

1. A new mental sickness recently discovered by Neurosurgeons. It affects the victim's ability to think right or make right judgement especially when it matters most.

2. Victims often confuse the game of soccer for a karate session. Its derived from the new word KAITA
(Source: tlops)

KAITARIZATION (Kai-ta-ri-za- tion)
n. Kai*ta*ri*za* shen

Kaitarization is the act of being turned into a useless mongol OR a Shaolin Temple soccer player.
(Source: chichi234 & colomb)

KAITA-KAITA (Kai-ta-kai- ta)
n. Kai*ta*kai*ta

Kaita-Kaita means unprecedented confusion and unimaginable pandemonium
Usage: "Kaita-kaita don burst!"
(Source: lizzybabe1)

KAITA (Kai-ta)
n. Kai*ta

A highly explosive bomb needed more in Iraq than in Nigeria
Usage: "Allied Forces just dropped the K-Bomb! Yes! The Kaita! Ladies and gentlemen, the war is over!!!"
(Source: ActiveMan)

KAITARACT (Kai-ta-ra-ct)
n. Kai*ta*ra*kt

A one-of-a-kind eye defect that makes a soccer player see another player as a Jabulani Ball to be kicked
Usage: "Pity, he suffered from a sudden chronic case of Kaitaract"

OYA, NO VEX NOW…

2010-06-15T16:29:00.003+01:00

Meanwhile I have a bone to pick with those folks at naija blog awards...THEY WOULDNT LET ME VOTE FOR ALL MY PEEPS AT ONCE!!! For everyone who won…kudos. Those who didn’t. Who cares? WE made them winners right?
Man! Have I missed you fellas or what? Why haven’t I kept in touch? I wish I could blame it on the dog but I don’t have. Have I said how much I've missed you guys?
I told meself today “ol boy, bera say something on blogger before those good folks start confirming their suspicion that you be ‘wowoh’ person o”,and I replied “ ol boy, na true o…”. So I've been trying to decide what to post as my "resurrection entry" but couldn’t quite decide so I've chosen to just make this my "ABEG, NO VEX" post.
A part of it I blame on my new work, a part on despicable internet services and a huge chunk on my Blackberry Post paid service. That BB Chat ish is IVIIIIL, I tell ya. It did keep me company during a lotta stuff, though. 
Okay so I was saying I have plenty gist for una. I’ve been to so many places and met so so many people with their different tales and issues that I’m practically bursting with gist. Problem now is getting a blog writer app for my Blackberry *sigh*
Anyways, to everyone who checked up on Mancee, thank you. For those who didn’t...you were just about to, shay? It’s all luv and I 'gbadun' all of una, DIE.
Meanwhilly, BRACE YOURSELVES, I'm back and shall be all over una blogs soon enough. Be afraid. Be veeery afraid.
Mancee is badder than ever , lol. (I wish)

LAST LINE:
Emancipation from the bondage of the soil is no freedom for the tree.
-Rabindranath Tagore

Throwing Blames

2010-03-22T07:54:00.001+01:00

A Guy is sitting outside his home after a bitter divorce & notices a crate of Beer bottles.

He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into d wall swearing, 'U are d reason I don't have a Wife'.

Smashes 2nd Bottle 'U are d reason I don't have my children'.

Smashes 3rd Bottle, 'U are d reason I don't have a Job". Notices 4th Bottle is sealed & still full of Beer..

"Stand aside my friend. I know U were not involved''

:D

I LONG FOR...

2010-02-08T11:13:00.000+01:00

I long to cease to cringe when I hear the word 'LOVE'
I long to once more believe in it's purity

I long to be able to look at a female again and say 'I love you'
I long for the day when that female will not just be my daughter
I long to snuggle with a female
I long to drift off to sleep, with a smile on my face, holding a female
I long to feel that female's warmth as she nests in the cranny formed
by my body
I long to wake up to a smile
I long for that smile to be on a female's head nestled on my chest
I long to stroke that face as it sleeps; gently rising and falling
with my breathing
I long to see that face wake, smile some more, reach up and kiss me on
the lips saying 'Good morning darling'.
I long to look in those eyes and see 'love'. Whatever it means.

I long to start to warm up inside when I hear the word 'LOVE'-once more
I long to once more believe in it's purity.

-Mancee (07feb2010)

TIRED LEGS

2010-01-29T09:11:00.002+01:00

'Oh! Mancee you are not going anywhere are you?' Asked my Superintendent.
Was he kidding me? An opportunity to see my ogas make a grand fool of themselves? I sure am not missing this for anything. Lol. I was positively brimming with excitement- so were the other spectators.

Novelty match between superintendents. Woohoo! Normally I wouldn't attend such events but a friend was made the referee though she didn't even know the rules-so I had to accompany her to run her through her expected duties and the need to work through her linesmen, blah blah blah. My superintendent saw me and I got to hold his glasses and keys.

The GM took the first shot, with two female superintendents keeping the goal posts.
'Pppreeew!', my pseudo-referee friend blew her whistle and 'chuku, chuku, chuku…' they were off...! See their legs fluttering on the pitch, I wan die.

Before you could say 'na wah o', one of my supts was rolling along ground with the ball- an uproar went up in the crowd. See laughter...of course I hid my face to laugh. There was an 'ali-baba' moment when two supts on the same side collided with their pot- bellies. Laff wan kill me die, it was all I could do not to roll on the floor as I temporarily lost control of my motor skills from laff-paralysis. 10 mins later, 10 sweaty supts later half time ended.

Second half was just as hilarious. My tummy muscles ached from the laughter so much I had to squat. A certain Superintendent dribbled some others and scored, there was an uproar. When the GM learnt that the guy plays ball normally, he disqualified the goal and gave him a red card. Lol. Of course he’s not the referee.

All in all, it ended a “goaless draw”-like one of our community labor guys later commented. I had fun and so did a lotta people.

I can only conclude one thing- the 'inventor' of novelty matches was a dis-gruntled employee for whom visualizing his employers naked no longer met his vengeance needs. But ma'am! We have him/her to thank for one of the best laughs in our corporate year.
:-)

Ps: A fulfilling new year to you all.

-Mancee

IN AN IDEAL WORLD...

2009-12-28T10:15:00.003+01:00

In an ideal world,
I'd meet her somewhere, somehow, some place
Someone might introduce us
I might notice first and make the move or vice versa
in this here world it would not matter

I'd ask her out
maybe she'll form a bit, maybe not,
maybe we'd hit it off right away
maybe it'll take some time
but we'd finally be together

We would date for a while
and I'll pop out a ring at a dinner date
and on my knees, I'd ask her to marry me
While the joint's band played 'Will you marry me'on cue

She would gleefully scream "YES"
and kiss me like life depended on it

We would marry in a quiet serene place
dressed in white before a hundred gaze
We'd honeymoon somewhere within our means
and the place would be exotic cos we are in

Honey moon
-hunt for the treasure
we'd fumble our way to knowledge and pleasure

We would have two delightful kids
A pretty princess first
and a dark dude to have her back

we would have our lil fights
but they'll never grow
We wouldn't talk about rights
And only selflessness would we sow
Always putting "US" first with our mights

She would say something crazy like
'My husband is always right'
And I'll do something utterly mad like
Doing my utmost to measure to this height
Though the human pecadillo in me strikes
or vice versa

She would say something stupid like
'I will love you forever'
And I'll say something idiotic like
'God knows I dont deserve you ever'

We would kiss and make up
make up sex will not be strange to us

I would work my behind off
to get comfort for her and The Littles
She'd take care of us all
never a button loose, never a tummy unfilled
A tidy nest to grow for us all

In an ideal world
we'd do our 75 years anniversary
amidst great, grand and children children
We would watch them all grow with smiles
re-telling how our life has been together

In an ideal world
it wouldnt matter who went before the other
The one would follow the other anyways-
grateful to God to have found
A near-perfect spouse in each other

All in an ideal world.
All in an ideal world

*sigh*

--ManCee

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE...
If you can, look beyond the commerce reason for the season. I wish most sincerely that your hearts be merry. Mine is...

TAAAH...!

2009-12-21T01:10:00.002+01:00

They say its 'urbanisation'
-The streets are wider now
But no spaces for the donkeys
The playgrounds are disappearing
And the trees give way to concrete...

-Mancee

OGA or OGRE ?

2009-12-12T07:50:00.001+01:00

(...from the archives, from waaay back)

So you have a boss, so do I (sadly)
Maybe yours is cool and good. Mine is cool...we were saying?
Tunji my ogre, sorry ogre, sorry I meant OGA is a cool guy if you arent working with him/ for him.
From afar ...He's da bomb
Nearby...He'll blow in your face (literarily)
So you wish you could kill yours?
Well today, he's giving me the "Brass Balls Thump" (highest grade of raking) and all of a sudden, out of the clouds, I picked a lance and showed the lancelot part of me. Yep! I did him in.
I was going to start singing some cannibal/freedom song or the other when someone prodded me 'Bros, you've got ink all over your hand...everything okay?"

Heck!
Not yet Uhuru...it was a drawing of him I had drawn sometime ago...okay a stick figure of him.
I looked down at the picture, it grinned back at me, through the blob of red ink, with its horns and trident-holding three fingered hand...
So..you want to kill your boss at about now?
I did mine in , once, on paper.
No its not okay..I just killed. AND I like it.
lol

GIDI HUSTLER

2009-12-05T13:04:00.005+01:00

I met her at a business dinner. She had accompanied one of the other guys to the chinese restaurant meeting. I thought 'Hmmm...impressive'; bringing your girlfriend to a business dinner.
Typically, I'm being civil to her and soon noticed that I seem to be giving her more attention than her man.
'Typical...', I thought with some measure of arrogance, 'some fellas just have bad manners'.

I got to gist wih her some more when the boys went off to watch an english team pound another; she was an interesting conversationalist. Rather engaging I must say.
Sometime that night, I ask how long they'd been together since I only just met George; she laughed rather curiously and asked '...you mean...?', and another short laugh.

"You honestly didn't know? Then why have you been given me so much attention all night? I thought..."

I looked bewildered.
She paused for a while and looked at me incredulously.

She reached for a pen and some serviette, scribbled for some time-almost with a child-like air and handed me the paper with some slight measure of embarrassment-not before asking to promise not to say anything to George about our gist...(!?)
I couldn't believe my eyes...

Fadeke is a whore.
Prostitute.
Escort.
Ashawo.
Or her favorite..."Hustler"!

Go figure; what are the odds?

LOOK INWARDS

2009-11-23T23:59:00.000+01:00

Look inside you
The universe was spoken with a word
That word still lives on in the essence of men, animals, plants, trees etc
The answers we seek are inside us
From the beginning of time
They have always been there
But we would often run from them
And HOPE to find other 'truths'
Something other than reality
We fool our own selves!
And we do it time and time and time again...ad infinitum
Look inside
Those who look inside awake
That is where the essence of the Omni Scient is
Deposited from eons ago
The Intelligent Design that made the cosmos...it resides in you
LOOK INWARDS
And around in awareness

-Mancee

JERK or ALPHA MALE

2009-11-14T16:01:00.005+01:00

"The guy I marry must be a hard guy, a real man; who'll even beat me well if I mis-behave sef"

I'm sitting across the table, where my inner jaw had dropped to the floor, looking at the fair complexioned 25yr old, slim, frail looking, slow speeched beauty. I looked at the guy next to me and he's chuckling. Some other female in the group nods to this and I was all the more bewildered.

I brought up the matter in the office, and got a lot of afirmative stories of women who'd rather be beaten up than not!
A pastor tells of a couple who always had issues till the wife opened up that she wanted to see if the guy could be 'man enough' to beat her. Needless to say, twas their last counselling; apparently, bros started living up to expectations(!).
A married female colleague said maybe not outright beating, but he should shout her down sometimes, saying 'You know we Benin women can be domineering...'

I say okay, how about the females who don't know they want to be beaten up but just keep manufacturing headache for their males?!
Or, how about the male who just can't think of hitting anyone, has sworn never to raise his hand against any female. Any hope of him finding happiness if he's stuck with such a woman who NEEDS beating to re-calibrate?!

How long can/should you keep beating up a grown adult to keep her in line?
How about children who grow in these kinda families? Won't they maintain the same sadomasochism mindset?

But wait a while...the relationships I've enjoyed the most were the ones where most times I was too distracted and seemed like I didn't care. The ones I really gave all to, seemed to fizzle quickly and painfully.
Worrisome trend is that I have noticed this since my primary school days; the girls flock after the bully, the jerk and the guy who 'no send'!

BUT, MY PARENTS NEVER EXCHANGED WORDS not to talk of fight. Ever. Wouldn't even let my bro and I beat up each other. 'who did U learn that from?' They'd ask.
It would appear that no more does being a driven, sensitive, well built, normal looking, well spoken, God-aware, 'rich' guy cut it, you need to add 'pugilist' to the resume before you can hold down a woman in this generation.

Am I going mad or I need to just get off my high horses and go beat up the next fine chic I see on the street...

To All The Girls I've Loved Before (5d)

2009-10-30T01:49:00.005+01:00

**Long Post Alert**

These are my rules of engagement

"I NEVER mess with free will." Only what you truly want for yourself by yourself is sustainable.

Right or wrong? I say 'Do whatever pleases you-as long as you don't hurt anyone without their permission'

"I will never hurt you without ur permission, neither will I let you hurt me without my permisssion
=================

'Sir, sorry to interrupt you but I beg to differ. I don't believe anyone of us is in a position to say Maureen's choices are wrong or right. The important thing here is to ask her what she wants. If a grown person her age has to apologise for her choices out of courtesy then she might as well apologize for being alive as our choices are what define us. Which is where I come in, NOBODY should ever have to apologize for being alive. Nobody'.

Maureen's uncle was dazed. I had been silent all the while they bashed her and now I was seemingly defending her. He had asked what the problem was and I had said there was none. This was just two adults making up their minds about a way forward for their lives... And the man had gone off ranting about wifely roles and responsibilities...
-----------
I withdrew into myself and ruminated on the events of the 2 years of marital bruhaha...

Wedding eve. Pastor asks us what's on our mind. She says the event of the morrow. I say I'm anxious-about her capacity to hold on to negatives and keep malice.

4 days later.HONEYMOON. Saga of the two tumblers. Wifey accusses me of leaving 2 used glass cups for her to wash! Makes a big issue out of it! (yes, she's heard about hotels and room service). I failed to understand what the issue was-seeing we could call Housekeeping for new cups-but I guess there was a lesson to be taught 'Mancee, house work is a no go'.
After that, I clowned, sang, flipped, stood on my head, begged but she won't talk to me again till we left. End of honeymoon.
Her uncle had to Wade in before she loosened up...days later. apres honeymoon.
(which action? of course there was no action...!)

I ask for a joint account to be administered by her- I give 70% of my take home, she 30% of hers. My salary was almost double hers. She refused saying she can't put her money into running the house or any investment-as it was my job. OK.

Months later, I'm offered a juicy real estate on the outskirts of town, staggered payment. It was a no brainer- but I wanted to do this right. I asked wifey's opinion. She says no, its too far for us. So I turned it down out of respect for her. 2 months later she calls me up to help her make an installmental payment as she couldn't get away from work-she'll reimburse me later. I found out later that she had gone ahead to buy land in the same vicinity for a higher sum and never
told me about it! WONDERFUL!!!

Oh! The fights, the arguements-were harrowing. Debating with her isn't fun- chic takes things too personal. You'd hear her ranting and shouting on me. "Maureen, don't shout on me. I don't shout on you neither have you ever heard me shout on anyone before. Gimme that respect and don't shout on me". For where?! Lol

Have I mentioned the many people from Uni I ran into at weddings and occasions who on learning who I married would laugh (I'm serious) and say somethin like 'men! I wish you well o','I never believed anyone could marry that girl o' etc. One even referred me to Shakespeare's 'To tame a shrew'. I couldn't fight or bicker as I was battling those same things back home.

She once told me she was waiting for me to go have an affair so she can have a Christian ground to divorce me. I couldnt (still don't) understand why she'd say that.

Oh! The sex?! It was phenomenal.
We did it total of like 10 times (ok, let's be generous and say a dozen times) all in the first year. None in the 2nd. Bear in mind, yours truly never had sex before marriage.( Though I was just a technical virgin, I still have rights. Shay?)

Once I had pain urinating. My doctor brother recommended some tests which showed I had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). The pharmacist asked me to go bring the wife, and girl friend. I laughed it off (with pain in my heart).
Do I think she cheated? Dunno, but I'd rather attribute it to her very unimpressive personal hygiene. I bought 2 sets of drugs, for each of us, she refuses, arguing typically)that she had no infection. A month later I had to rush her to the hospital late at night from intense kidney pains,s tayed by her side all through the next day; missed my business flights and had to reschedule my many meetings till another fortnight and cancel some. Afteral family was first.
Why wasn't I re-infected? D'uh! WE DONT DO SEX,that's why.

She said she was a virgin before we married. I had to ask her for confirmation 8months after we married. Just for the knowledge. Between her and me. She flared up and called her father (!) saying I was accussing her of infidelity. LWKMD.

I never hear.

I remember her mum shouting on me "'mancee, your wife is a good girl, you married her as a virgin".
"Mummy, if anyone should be telling the other, I should be telling you; NOT you me". Abi?

I remember the intense sadness when she told me she was pregnant. This was definitely not my life was planned. The angst was too much, but I continued hoping for the best

I ask her to travel to the west to deliver and give baby a second nationality. She fights me on refusing to let us travel to study yet asking her to give baby a second citizenship.Hmmm. She refused to go o.

I remember with a shudder, when she fought me to take my car. Of course, I gave her the car. Afteral She was more important to me than the car.

Oh yeah! You should see our flat. Constantly a mess. I'd come back from my trips and spend the first week cleaning and arranging and ask her to please at least maintain the order. For where?! Househelp? In those days of being under fire from madam and the 'no talk, no sex, no food' sanctions? I was deathly afraid of 'doing' the help in a moment of temporary weakness o-a man can only be 'strong' for so long. Didnt want that on my records.Mba.

Can't count the counselling session! After a while, they became an obvious waste of time. The different people kept saying the same stuffs and wifey refused to bulge.

I used to be afraid to come home from my many trips. I'd wait and take the last flights back to Lagos. Lol. "The fear of Maureen's wrath was the beginning of longevity".

Each new year we were together, I'd pressure her for her growth points for the year and I'd support them. Every professional exam she did which her company didn't pay for, I made sure I did...and rooted for her all the way.

In all of these, I NEVER mentioned our travails to my parents. I kept believing it'll soon be over and we'd be happy. Didn't want anyone hating her unnecessarily-but I made sure her parents knew. I said to myself 'she'd listen to them'.

It all sounds like a nollywood excerpt Shay? Well, I lived it for real.

Oh! There was this one week of bliss. End of that week, I thanked her for the best one week of my life yet. She said she didn't expect it to last- true to her prophesy, the showdown resumed that night!

Wifey stopped cooking months after we married. When she does, na indomie. Standard. People get pot bellies after marriage. I got an ulcer.

I had 2 washing machines in the flat plus a washaman on retainership (who I had had for 3yrs before marrying her), maureen pursued the guy (he was too expensive) and in our years together, my only item of clothing she washed was a boxers lost amongst her clothes.

She was uncomfortable with my relationship with my friends, so, I 'stylishly' withdrew from them. Little did I know that my friends also noticed and all agreed to give me space if it'll make my marriage work. Well it didn't-please come back y'all *sob*

One can only run a marriage on UNWARRANTED OPTIMISM thus far.

Then the historic day when she told me 'I can never be the wife who cooks and cleans'. It finally dawned on me; my sweetheart had always known the way of the married woman all these while but had chosen to have nothing to do with them.

I agonized for a whole month on the findings. I could no longer deny it; it was obvious what the alternatives were. I called her, "Maureen, I think a separation will be in order..."

I went to my father, apologized for not telling him about all of this since and told him my decision "Daddy, I am not asking for your permission, I'm now tell you for your information and out of respect"

Of course , knowing her. I told everyone that I was the bad guy. I was the one who left. I KNEW she would slander me big time anyways.(She did) "whatever Maureen says I did or not, so it is". I really had lil tummy for 'He says, She says'. It wasn't a contest to be won.

So I moved out, paid 2 yrs rent on the apartment and left everything to her except my laptop and some clothes. I emptied my account to furnish my new nest and travel the world in an attempt to numb the pain till my
brother stopped me. Lol.

If there is a phrase to describe those 2+ years we were together, it'll be EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

Ps: I miss my daughter. *sigh*
I was there for ALL the prenatal classes. The nurses would tease me endlessly *chuckle*. Was VERY involved with the carrying, singing, feeding, daiper change and (oh!)the colic too.

I often wonder what I could have done differently - aside becoming a
puppet like her dad to her mum. The only workable alternative is to
not have married in the first, at least not her. Of cos I WAS angry at
God.

Do I regret it? NO! No room for regrets in my life. Will I do it again
if I could? NEVER.
So now I try to heal while I await the legal time lapse before a
divorce is concluded.

Sure, I feel used. But is she a bad person? No (maybe a bitch, lol). I gave her the permission to hurt me by agreeing to marry her. I only wish she had told me what her choice of a wife was, we could have agreed from the onset that I couldn't be the sort of husband who could live with that.

Ah well...(c'est la vie). I have indeed achieved a whole lot...and all before I'm even 30years. lol.

pps:Is there a phrase like "Elder Bachelor?"
:-)

Sent from my iPhone3GS

To All The Girls I've Loved Before (5c)

2009-10-16T00:34:00.002+01:00

I AM

If I pay attention to them
I will remain
Stunted in growth, stagnant and stale
I will not be all I'm made to be...

If I pay attention to the foibles
and flaws
I will not grow...
I will not advance

And I so desperately need to grow
to realize my potentials fully
for I am a person too
distinct, smart, gifted and great.

I am a person too...
i must not allow myself to be swallowed up
in conceptions and expectations
in ordinariness and averageness...

I am a person too; unique and great
with the power to be the bigger person
i must not allow myself to be swallowed up
in the myth of "the missus"

...Maureen Mancee (Mrs.)

========================================
XX Editor's note XX

The poem above was written and displayed by the delightful MMM for the benefit of a certain Mr Mancee (MM).

Research has it that it was written after a battery of counselling sessions when the multitude of counsellors seemed intent on getting said Author to be more 'wifely'. They are reported as seemingly arriving at the same conclusion after listening to either side and often had this to say, "Maureen, you need to pay attention to your home and your husband".

MMM, a "Social Non-conformist" (as she calls herself) did not find this a workable option.

MM was to have an eureka moment some years later when it became obvious that no one had asked MMM what she 'wanted' to be, as opposed to what she was 'expected' to be.
The said epiphany was spawned when MMM called MM and said (verbatim) 'I can never be the wife who cooks and cleans'.

Report reaching us has it that He has since been defending her position vehemently, demanding that everyone who cares to listen respect her choice/decision; asking for only one thing in return; the right to choose to be who he also wants to be.

To All The Girls I've Loved Before (5b)

2009-10-12T23:48:00.000+01:00

SANCTUARY

Maureen,

In this life we share together

Per time and from time to time

One or both of us may want out...

Drown the sun in our personal miseries and daemons.

All the rain and all the pain

I hope its for the good

It is revealed we could be together for ever

And I'm ready to make that move

Cross that line with you with me

We could put some joy in each other's tears

The sun shines laughter when we live as one

And there's peace for those who believe in love

Lets go for Ours

Because dreams come true

though we often do dream in metaphors

and dreams ( sometimes unreliable souls, I agree)

they show us the paths of our longings...

All I ever longed for was some love and peace and harmony

To dance in the raw in the sun underneath the stars

See,

I want you to trust me

Trust my wisdom and my directions

Trust my idiotic stupidities too

Trust my head to wander often like a tramp

Trust my heart to always bring me home

Trust me to never cease from seeking greatness

And my heart to find it all lies in you

With you is what my life is about

I am not afraid to love

I pray the distance gives my pain sound

In this here world-I will love some more

In front of the eyes of others

I will love you outside and inside me

In that place that's Our private treasure

In this life we share together

Let our individuality strengthen our love

When I'm asked "Are you truly happy?" I'd say "Yes, truly"
But down here in reality everybody knows there ain't no such thing
And it's clear

It's obvious this here is not the place I'm supposed to be
On and on and on I've searched
What I'm looking for is here on earth with You
So I know that I gotta come to you

And I'm ready to make that move

I for one know my search is over

The Spirit bears witness with my spirit

Home for me will always be where you are.

Ps: may I come home?

To All The Girls I've Loved Before (5a)

2009-10-07T22:05:00.000+01:00

"I keep going back to my yahoomail,like I'm expecting your next short mail message.
Like my heart is looking for "its lost twin" (lol),
Now I ask myself why I'm doing that.
Like I'm waiting for a miracle or something,
Funny . does it sound funny. I hope not, I hope so.
I dont know sha...but all I want is just to see you again or hear your voice or hold something which I would know, sorry, that my heart would know is from you...from your heart.
I love you Maureen,
Day by day , it dawns on me more and more.
I love you and really it doesnt make sense, this intensity...but should it make sense?
If it does, maybe I wont be able to love you this much, but whatever...
I LOVE YOU LIKE SO VERY MUCH
thats the important thing ,,,yeah?
loving you like life depends on it...cause it seems more and more like it does."

-----------------------------------------

It was obvious, all attempts at objective evaluation had become impossible, I liked the woman waay too much. So I prayed to The Almighty, the most gracious , most merciful thanking him for this woman who seems to have all the basics in place, readily acknowledged my growing inability to objectively evaluate the relationship and pleading with Him to step in and scatter the union if it were not right.

Having thus prayed, like the rest of humanity before me and countless after, I relegated my default cognitives to the background, afterall I have prayed. To my credit, I however, did one last objective check...

I've known her since school days. We were not friends, at best acquitances as She was a friend of a friend. Were we to sum up all of the time we chatted in school, it wouldn't be up to an hour. After graduation, we'd bump into each other in chat rooms. I added her to my Yahoo messenger, she would often call my phone out of the blues. I'd promise to call back but never did. She was a regular chat friend on Y! Then one day, I started thinking differently about her.

We arranged a hook up one saturday. She came to see me at the gym on her way to work. I knew she was older by like 11 months but She looked much older and aged than I remembered, her ankara shirt looked like it had seen better days. (I dont consider myself a shallow somebori but I knew that if I had not been impressed by her brilliance before our face to face, it would have been a no show). We talked about this and that and she had to leave. I offered to drive her down but she needed to see someone first.

You see then, I had a plum job and too much money than I intelligently knew how to spend (seriously), moreover it was a demanding job that gave me lil time for socializing. She had this job where they paid her like NGN20 or 25,000 and worked her to the bone. To be able to save NGN5k out of it per month, she dared not miss the staff bus. My colleagues were only interested in chics equally earning fat salaries but I knew the important thing was the stuff inside the person. I knew the major reason I'd want my wife to work was to earn experience, both professionally and in dealing with people, to prevent her from turning into 'Your Friendly Neighbourhood Gossip' and definitely not primarily for what she earned or not. Even if she'll be working for free, I'd rather she worked anyways.

Some fateful day, I asked this woman out.

I mentioned her to my brother whose only concern was "I hope she doesnt have an accent o" (lol). I proudly gave the phone to her; I knew his fears would be laid to rest. ( She isnt from our side of the niger, you see)He took to her like a duck to water.

I bought her a phone then like mine on the same network and it became our "intercomm"-free weekend calls and unlimited sms. We would chat and text for hours. I seriously had her on the brain. Some nine months later, she got a real plum job with serious benefits. I was elated.

Once when I was talking to my friends about her, they all started laughing hysterically. I failed to see the joke. "Mancee, you should hear yourself, you are absolutely ridiculous! We've never heard you talk about a female like this since we've been together from the university. You must really love this woman o etc". I knew I loved her very much. she did always tell she loved me too.

It wasnt all rosy but ... like five months after the asking out, I felt convinced that THIS indeed was the woman for me.

I knew that IF the basics were in sync,and two people want to do someting together, nothing could stand in their way. Moreover, when those two people were practising Believers. The sky was just a starting point. In addition, I had the creator and the whole of creation behind me; watching out for me, afterall i have kept the faith I have stuck to the holy writ, I have played fair, I had not drunk out of another man's cistern. I had kept myself, I had readily let go of others at much personal pain and cost to make sure I stayed on the long, narrow and less used path.

The week I made up my mind to ask her the BIG question, I bought some cards, some candles, and a bouquet of 'faux floeur'; but we had no prolonged moment of peace, though I saw her every day. This went on for two weeks. Then out of the blues "Mancee?", "...yeah?", " shay you know you've not asked me to marry you?".

I sighed, smiled and told her I've wanted to ask her for the past 2 weeks but I couldnt find any moment of prolonged peace to. Anyways, I asked her then; sans 'effizy', sans 'glitz'(-definitely not my plan !).

She said 'yes!'

To ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE (4)

2009-09-26T19:50:00.003+01:00

"Mancee, Have I lost you? Are you going to leave me? Do you still love me?"
"I love you Rukay, but I can’t go through life constantly watching my back and wondering what next I'll unearth round the next corner..."

=======================================================================
So I was going to be away from school for at least 6 months-if ASUU didn’t pull anything funny out of its hat, as it would normally do.

We hugged and I promised to visit as often as I could afford to. I left with her last words ringing in my ears. "Mancee, if tomorrow, you stop loving me, please tell me immediately-don’t keep me guessing". I hugged her and left wondering where
She got the thought from; you see I entered this not even with the notion of "Let’s see how it goes", I was in with no reservations.

I remembered with a smile how on St. Valentines day, she had remarked that I seem to be more excited about the relationship than normal. I wondered what that meant- I guess she expected the famous Mancee to be a bit more aloof. lol.

Where I was in my faraway station, we would find ways of scheduling call times. She would go into the township to wait for my calls...I would queue up faithfully at the NITEL boots to faithfully make my calls to my sweetheart. (Of course this was before gsm phones became affordable for the masses).

Then gist started filtering to me - gist I thought impossible. How can my Lovely babe have such secrets? You see, in the week of our official engagement, knowing in my heart that I wanted to do this right; I had called for a "Tell-It-All" session. I encouraged her to tell me ALL about her past that I wasn’t aware of and I told her ALL of my issues, the good, the bad and the ugly. She did too, or so I thought. I told her her past wasn’t that important to me IF they were indeed her past but that we needed to know everything about each other thus ensuring deeper trust and giving each the choice to decide if he/she could live with those things. No surprises.

It all got to a head however, in the fourth month and I couldn’t intelligently ignore the unsolicited rumors anymore, so I delved into my savings for a trip back to school.

Later that night, I asked her “Rukay, is it true that...?"

After a while, she started crying saying it was true.

My heart broke.

I cried too, 'Why? Rukay why? Why did you hold this from me?’. ‘I’m sorry Mancee, I'm sorry...'. 'Rukay, I told you nothing in your past mattered to me and I so needed to trust you...why Rukay?'

"Mancee, have I lost you? Are you going to leave me? Do you still love me?"

I held her closely "I love you Rukay, but I can’t go through life constantly watching my back and wondering what next I'll unearth round the next corner...I'm sorry but I just cant. I sooo need trust and openness in any relationship.

'Mancee', she said in between sobs. 'If you don’t leave me, I promise I'll love you forever...'. My heart wept, more than my tear-macerated eyes could un-dam. But I knew I couldn’t go on...I just couldn’t...

I left next day for my station-convincing myself that it was for the best...afterall, trust was so not negotiable. I made her a promise though, that were she to hear the true gist from anywhere else, she can be sure it did not come from Mancee. That was a promise she could trust and take to the bank. And I kept it too. After all, friends keep each other's secrets. Innit?

My friends were worried about me though, seeing that when I finally did decide to foray into a real relationship I had to meet with this obstacle which I wouldn’t talk about...

My dear Rukay is since married with a kid. Of course we are still friends, of course I was invited to the wedding and of course I was there with pictures to prove it.
:-)

***interlude*| "TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE" ***interlude*

2009-09-13T14:20:00.004+01:00

For every tear I say
is laughter unbirthed

For every sigh breathed
Is a hundred smiles aborted

For every kiss given
is a thousand more to be recieved

In every hope of finding smiles
Must be greater faith of finding

I daresay, if I may, the judgement day
Should be on what love was left to waste

Which friendship we left to fade
Which kisses were left to fate
And fail rather than pursued with utmost faith

So theres the heartbreak that may come
But though the heartbreak is possible
Even more so is the heart being fulfilled

"Walk away my heart", you say?
To tow the safe lonely way

But how often do we want for joy
Just because we let go of life's buoy

when we could stand so deep in joy
and with joy dish out love to all

-Mancee

TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE (3)

2009-09-06T20:00:00.000+01:00

We were introduced in our fresh man years
I often called her my sister
lets call her 'Roku'
I now call her the best girlfriend I never had...

We were in the same faculty and shared a few courses. She was a pretty girl who had more than her fair share of baby fat-for which I teased her endlessly. Whenever I teased her about something (which was quite a lot), she would promptly smack me on the upper arm and look straight ahead like nothing happened. If my teasing was especially gritty, she would say (after the smacking) 'I hate you', to which I would reply ' I love you too'.

Most of my uni days, I had very little interest in going out with anyone but I was always with plenty females (for which a lotta folks could swear Mancee had more game than I could ever hope to have in ten different lifes). I did make it a point of duty to point out to all my female friends exactly what we had-just friendship. Of them all, Roku was the one I enjoyed spending time with the most.

I really did enjoy being with her. When we were on holidays, I'd go to her house to hang out. she'd write down some of the hilarious stuffs that happened while we were apart and share with me, I'd also recount mine. I was quite friendly with her mum and of cos younger brothers. I had even met her father who rarely showed face to her friends. When I wrote my short stories and poems back then, guess who I gave them to to read first. Yep! Roku. Of our group then, were I to say something witty, she I could bet on, would 'get it' and vice versa. She was the first person to ever describe me laughing. *chuckle*.

It was her I'd share my voyages of mis-chief with first. Oh, practical jokes? (these were many, not a few) Roku was first choice- of course some were on her. Most of the stuff I enjoyed with her was just like I did with my sisters thus she earned the title of 'my sister'. In class, we would often 'chat' on pages of foolscap folded in two- I'd write and pass to her, she to me etc etc etc. We'd make fun of lecturers, ourselves, the weather...anything. Some of those transcripts were so funny, I developed the gist and used them in some of my Event-MC roles.

Once when I gave her a poem for criticism, she said "Mancee, you write very well, why dont you collect these writings...?". Of course, I did scoff at the idea but got a notebok and started collecting nonetheless.

I always had her back. Was always asking after her and what her CGPA was. This was one of the sources of our few quarrels. I was convinced that she was waay to bright for the academic performance band she was on and she was convinced that I was being an "Over-expecter". Lol

Dont get me wrong, i wasnt exactly a swot-contrary to popular belief- I mean I always crashed for all of my exams. Just couldnt stick that consistent reading model. I would ask her to make the effort to study a tiny bit more than she was doing. NO! If she wasnt in choir practice, one church service or the other, she was reading a best seller. once in our first year, during my scheduled overnight crashing time for a test next morning, I found out that she couldnt answer the basic calculation questions!!! I spent the night running through the course with her. Needless to say, we both failed the test and THAT was the last time we studied together. *chuckle*.

More often than not, there were many guys per time asking for her hand. from Church Head to Club Chief- This got to a head in our part three when I feared she may balk under the pressure and just give in to some random guy. I felt a great need to do something about it-afterall she was my sister. So I called a rendezvous, just the two of us. She came looking absolutely smashing in a flowing ankara gown. I still remember her blushing face when I commended her getup. She came looking too dressed up for a casual meet so I felt a need to 'set things straight', so I started my gist with 'Roku, you are a good woman and would make a good wife for somebody someday but not me..." and went on to the main body of my gist. She didnt 'gree' for anyone of the guys.

Two years later in our part five and one offical girlfriend later, I was to ask for Roku's hand. Somewhere during the years since our famous talk, it did dawn on me that I was in love with Roku. That in fact, I had always been in love with her without recognising it!. I feared that she may refuse me and that it might split our group in twain, so I checked with my guys first and they all wondered why the two of us never got together since. The females felt same way too...So I sprung the question on Roku.

She was surprised and didnt try to hide it. She started avoiding me and once when I asked for feedback, she asked for 'more time'. Then came my birthday party and Roku was all over the place; shopping, coordinating, cooking, serving. Everone had started teasing us as 'Husband and wife'. lol. I liked it-surprisingly.

Two months later, I called for a 'sit-down'. I wanted an official answer-no assumptions. She reminded me of our part3 meeting and my opening line. I remembered, of course-*sigh*. She told me that back then, she was so so in love with me it sucked. Each day, she would expect me to 'say something', but I never did. Then came our lil chat, after which she started telling herself that I just dont love her like that, that she was just like a sister to me. Now over two years later, just when she was finally ridding herself of the last flakes of such emotions for me, I'm asking her to rewind again. She said she had tried but just cant seem to be able to get beyond the 2-year long daily programming.

Thus ended our love affair before it even began. Maybe I could have insisted, maybe I could have persisted. Maybe...now we'll never know.

Saddest part of it all was that it did split our group. Everyone against her, asking 'whats wrong with her sef!'. I had to start pleading for no one to hold it against her, but to blame me-for being older than my age.

Roku is now married. Of course she demanded I come to her wedding. Of course I was there-with pictures to prove it. Of course I looked for her mum my friend and hugged her-didn't realise I had missed the woman that much. *chuckle*.

Heard she gave birth a couple of months ago (I really should call her)-I only hope the dude knows how special she is. Funny enough, my mind finds it hard to remember her new surname. lol.

This here is to you Rokus, best girlfriend I never had. Cheers.

TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE (2b)

2009-09-03T20:11:00.005+01:00

...For E-Babay. From the archives. Twas untitled. Cant think of a suitable title now...maybe you can help... :-)

"I awoke today missing you
I saw you
I touched your pretty face
Ran my fingers through your silky hair
I looked into your smiling eyes
I saw love gazing back at me
Scent of your hair assailed me
And longing welled up within me
I desired to hold you close
I ceased to be content with the rays
I wanted to live in your glow
I asked for more of the warmth
But when I reached out to draw you
I clasped only flimsy air
Just air,
and
The clouds grew dark and lonesome
The sun was suddenly gone on vacation
To some wonder island awaiting us.
Cumulus, in unison with my heart
Cried like never before today
For we are drifting-most lonesome
Knowing company is faraway across the niger"

-Mancee

TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE (2a)

2009-08-28T08:26:00.010+01:00

Sorry peeps, this is waaay overdue. I apologize. Thank you.

No. She wasn’t the finest person I had seen. Nor was she the most eloquent. She wasnt the nicest, funniest, most fun, religious person ever. On a lot of levels she was pretty average. But she was a woman who found a way to love me at my most unlovable (I think) and did with all of herself.

E-babay, like I fondly called her was just a phenomenon in herself, all by herself. She had this absolute adoration of me that often worried me till I got used to it and learnt to actually appreciate it. If Mancee said so, so it was or not. Mancee is never wrong. Sometimes I'm amazed at the absolute lack of guile in that woman. No she wasn’t a naive person by any inch; infact she had gone through quite a rough patch in life but had somehow come through it all with her head held mostly high. She was one of those people I'd willingly celebrate; people who recognise the pain in the world, have had more than their fair share of it and inspite of it all still choose to be smilers. For me these are the true unsung heroes.

You must understand that this was during my youth service, a time of intense smoldering anger for me against a lot of things too numerous to mention. A period when I was trying to make my own way and define myself without recourse to my parents for financial help. Needless to say, I suffered not a few, though I was damn too proud to admit it to anyone. There were many adays when I'd go without some meals and I re-discovered the 'beauty' of sliced bread and mayonnaise...Oh I forgot, You were not there in the beginning....
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\|….

I was president of our Community Development (CD) group in the state. Her set was the one after mine and I had the task of showing them the ropes on camp. I took it further by ensuring that they all got settled well in the state before they have to make their own way. Of course, by then I had quite a network breadth and depth amidst the NYSC community and I leveraged on this extensively to get relatively good placements for each of my members and accommodation when they left camp on passing out day.

"So people, as your president, everyone's accommodation is my responsibility at least for the first few days till you find your feet and if you need anything, call my gsm...I'm certain I'll know someone who knows someone who can help"

Shouts of 'PRESIDO' went up admist thunderous cheering, complete with cat calls.

I had finished with everyone save her. She told me not to worry about her as she had enough money on her to book a hotel room. I would hear none of it. I told her if she thought I was going to leave her like that then she had another think coming. I eventually settled her with a female friend who lived in a small room. It was a last resort as it was getting late. I did feel like I was imposing on my friend but she assured me it was okay.

With an intention to 'buffer' their having to be together, I would go to their place after work and gist with them before heading home. My friend's boyfriend was usually around and I often found myself alone with her. We got talking and enjoying it. I don’t remember how...but we kissed one night, in the dark. It was beautiful.

She was later to ask me why I did not take her to my place that first night as opposed to going through such hoops to get her a place, or was there a girl living with me? I laughed out loud at this and took her to my place that night.

While we made out in my room, she said "Mancee, I love you". I rebuked her, saying she didn’t know what she was talking about as that word wasn’t to be used lightly. We made out some more and it started getting rather intense. I backed down. She asked why. I told her I didnt want to have sex with her. I could see the pained look in her eyes as she looked in mine looking for a reason. I told her I wasn’t down with having sex, protection or not. She clearly communicated to me that she did not understand. All the while we were together, we did not have intercourse.

I remember once while I was washing my clothes and she was visiting, she commented on my rippling muscles and came to sit behind me on the low stool. She ran her hands over my bare chest for a while and later slid into my boxers where she, of course, met a 'stiff opposition'. “You are very hard", she remarked in a surprised tone. "What were you expecting...?" I queried. "Why then don’t you want to have sex?". I told her it was a decision I made to myself to attempt to stay away from the usual rot associated with corp members and NYSC service year. After this event, she stopped asking for sex saying now she was satisfied that it wasnt that I couldn’t get it up…! Me! *aghast*. As an aside, I think I kinda compensated during our ‘Touchery’ sessions. *wink*

Often, I'd wonder how I got so lucky to have her. She was an exceptional person in herself. She made enough money from holding down two jobs in lagos (!). NYSC was just a formality. She had this killer figure and had done some modeling for a while. All I had to offer her was just my plenty dreams (I admit, some were waaay beyond me) and weird ways. When she's in lagos, she’d call me up every day (gsm was still expensive then) and we'd chat endlessly. I was the primary reason she came to that state when she does. She took an interest in every thing I liked. She’d clap her hands in glee whenever I read her poetry written for her. She made me feel like a King of kings. She'd try to give me money when I was broke (which was often, lol) and I'd vehemently refuse. I was waay too proud to. The "why don’t you want to take money from me", quickly became" Mancee, why do you keep pushing me away? Why don’t you want me to share in your pains too..."

Aside the money quarrels. Our next big thing was religion. She wasn’t taking it as ‘seriously’ as I wanted her to. She'd often wonder why I was making a big deal out of religion. I have forgiven myself, you see, and I think you may forgive my stupidity too... but we did break up. Guess why! Of course good old opium of the people; religion.

The week we broke up, (this was after NYSC), I was a mess. I smelt her perf everywhere I went. I heard her voice in every call. Every woman looked like her! In fact I had to leave my office for the whole day once when a female client came to sit in front of me and all I could see, hear, smell in her was E-babay. This kinda ish one only reads in magazines and books but I lived it for like 2 weeks. She did call me to make up and my heart wanted to beg her to come back, promise her the heavenlies and the four corners of the earth. Rather, I heard my head saying "I believe that there is no future in this if we can’t agree on religion".
The only consolation, if any, was that we broke up just a week before I landed a really plum appointment. Thus it was hard to say I dumped her when I got ‘big’ etc etc
=====================================================
Present day

'E-Baby!, What a surprise. How you dey? Wasn’t expecting YOU to call me...'
She laughs. My! That laughter
'Abi?! If you sha wont call us. Big boy, you've forgotten all your peeps'
'Me? haba! Why you go talk like that now...you know it 'didn’t' possible for me to 4et my peeps now. Howz bros?
'He's fine o...'
We launch into like an extra 3 minutes of friendly banter. I've always loved gisting with her.
'Mancee?', 'yeah..?'
'Do you remember when...'
And it was like someone reached behind me and switched off all the ambient noise, dimmed the lights to a lustful glow and put on some Teddy Pendergras complete with candlelight flames dancing. Girlfriend was recounting the good times we had and asking if I remembered. I laughed uneasily and quickly changed the topic. Please tell me she's kidding! Who could forget...?". "How can I EVER forget...?"
===================================================
She got wedded like 6 months after our split to a big bros who had always been on her case all the while. She didn’t tell me. I found out in a rather ugly way. I called her and asked why she didn’t tell me. She said she believed I didn’t want anything to do with her again. (!) When she told me who it was, I laughed and she retorted that "...when you said you werent doing anymore"

I remember when we met again, a year after her wedding. She was on a marketing run near my office. I went to see her commenting her looks and she reciprocating. We hugged, friendly hug intended, felt her linger on the hug. I did too. We hugged some more (yes it was full frontal this time). She asked me to kiss her and I longed to. I must have used up like a year's supply of self-control not to hungrily kiss her right there in that covered entrance.
‘She is married’, said my head to my stupid heart and hard loins. I smiled at her and slid away. She gave me a shy smile and asked me to again. I hardened my face and said through clenched teeth (more for my sake than hers) ‘You are a married woman’. "You and self control sha...”, she sighed, and smiling, shook my outstretched hands. I avoided her for another year or so after that.
We are still ‘friends’, no I’ve never met her husband nor been to her house, neither has she been to mine. We’d talk now and then-though not so often; she used to 'report' her husband to me (lol) and I’d tell her to calm down and try to explain things to her from a guy’s view point etc etc.

A lot of times did I regret our break up especially for the reasons it happened. My life hasn't exactly validated that decision you see...

E-Babay,
You loved me (still do?) in a way no woman has ever; when I had nothing to offer, hardly two dimes to rub together for long, no fancy restaurant date, no glistening trinket could I afford, all I had and which you readily accepted was just me, my not-so-white-anymore gapped dentition and boyish smile and my lofty dreams and aspirations. I pray no one will ever have cause to love me in such circumstances- I guess that means your space in my biography is well secured. Stay smiling.

TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE (1)

2009-08-03T00:21:00.001+01:00

Tis silly the kind of things one remembers, but I’ll never forget the ending of her last letter to me

"With Love,

Chine ABC,
The girl who came, who saw and conquered your story-loveable heart"

I never quite got round to asking her what 'story loveable heart' meant *sigh*. I guess its too late now-she's 6 years married with 2 boys; her 'soldiers' she calls them. *chuckle*

We met at an extra coaching school I enrolled in with my gang in SS3. My gang planned to maintain a low profile but we started answering too many questions correctly. Suddenly, our gang of skin-headed lads in neatly ironed white starched uniforms who kept to themselves became quite an item. Even if I say so myself, our mix of brains and brawl was unusual. She came after me, I guess she noticed.

I tried to push her away but was captivated by her bright mind. She stuck on me and I learnt love from her.

She was the 'Head Chic In Charge' of the clique from her school. I led mine. It was a natural fit. Did I mention she had a genuinely bright mind? And quite pretty too. veeery long hair, almost my height. She had a deep throat laughter which always sounded like music and had a way of looking at me. When shes mad at me, she'd call my full name-lol, then I'd know something was amiss. She loved me; more than I understood love.

She used to call me her soul mate (!). We got same JAMB scores for the same course in different universities! She believed in me way more than I did me.

We were together for 2 years plus. We split during our second years in the university.

Why? I think I was just being older than my age. I went to her school and asked what we were doing with the relationship. Where do we plan to take it to-she is from across the Niger. I said I was ready to fight my parents if need be, were they to oppose our being together. She said she couldn’t go against her mum's wish. She is an only daughter of 6 kids.

I said we couldn’t go ahead then as it was just a waste of time. She did try to reach me but I wouldn’t let her. I ached for almost a year over the choice. I decided I loved her enough to make the sacrifice of letting her go. I did not want to waste her time I said to myself; afteral everyone knows women tend to age faster than the males. I wanted her to be able to open up to someone else (who she could have a future with) and all.

I ran into her on her fifth wedding anniversary at an eatery.. We reminisced for like 2 hrs catching up. She wasn’t exactly happy with her life. She asked me why we didn’t just elope back then. I refrained from saying "hunger might have killed our asses". I didn’t encourage the thought though, changed the topic and offered to drop her off at her destination.

I would have loved to still be able to call her up, go to her house and just gist. Meet her husband (who by the way is much older than us), buy gifts for her 'soilders', and generally hang out but I don’t trust that that will do anyone any good.

Fine girl, you became a standard in many ways. For me, you are the first. You occupy a part of me that can never be replaced. I'll always think of you fondly.

ps: We never did 'it'.

...Musing

2009-07-17T15:41:00.003+01:00

Hi,
For some reasons, I've been going through our mail-gists till date and consequently feel a certain sense of closeness to you.
It seems its like 10,000 years since I last spoke with you...so why dont I call? I dont know (!)
*deeply confused look*
Thinking of you makes me smile, okay, sometimes laugh.
What this means exactly I sincerely do not know. But one thing is certain, I have definitely grown closer to you than I might otherwise admit to myself or anybody else for that matter.
Why am I even writing this? I've bothered to ask myself. I do not know why. But a word keeps coming to mind 'premonition'. No! Don't ask me what that means (either) or its relevance-I honestly do not know.
*sigh*
I have , of course, tried to psycho analyse you. I have wondered about you endlessly. Do you know I think about you often? Whats your tale? Where have you been?What makes you smile? what makes you sad? What are your dreams? What are your fears? How can I help?

I have listened to you , like I haven't to anyone in a while. and I have found you a wonderful woman. Of course not perfect (who is?) but a wonderful woman. Someone who I would readily wish I had known at least 3 years before now...maybe my life would have had a better chance at happiness than right now...Maybe I'll still know of a certainty how to initiate and return happiness to others from my heart.

I have tried to read between the lines and make sense of the many hours we've spent talking, writing, laughing and sharing each others' days and events. I can only say this much 'I appreciate you'. I am grateful for the chance to have known you, to have been singled out by you for the shower of attention, to have been given the opportunity to share a part of your life. It both amuses me and gladdens my heart; all at the same time.

If not for the many bags and baggage I carry around, I might even have been able to love you like a wonderful person like you deserves. it grieves me to smithereens when I think about it. I have half expected ( and maybe hoped) that, somehow, you'd grow weary of talking to me and fizzle out. Cos I know I may never be able to do that myself. I see many bright, smiles and laughter filled years in your life and often wonder if I might be holding you back from living it; and often times if I'm meant to OR will be privileged to be a part of it...

Ma'am, You have been and are a blessing to me. All of these somehow add to my grief and to the thought that I'm just being a selfish oaf. I feel bad that I may not be able to offer you all you deserve in return nor even be able to sincerely make a heart-felt promise to. Don't get me wrong, the desire is there to...but the reality of the many strings with which I am still entangled and in whose shadow I seem to still dwell weighs heavily on my heart. Thinking of you sometimes then make me sad.
That said. Allow me to re-iterate that everything I have ever said to you have been true, sincere and heartfelt-to the best of my knowledge.

I cant ever erase from my faculties the picture of you as a flower in bloom that wants to and needs to be shielded and cared for. Taken indoors and shown off with utmost pride while its fragrance and beauty illuminates the lives that encounter it.

I'm gravely and sorely tempted to think the healing my heart seeks may be found with you, and my heart likes the idea too...did I hear you say 'selfish bastard'?, LOL I agree too.

Dear lady, this much is certain though; whatever happens, wherever I am, at whenever - the time I've been privileged to spend with you will always be some of my fondest.

Yeah I know, I may not be making sense at all. *chuckle*

Hope you are okay and your heart is at peace.
*wide heartfelt smile*

Na me,

ManCee

GRAND TUSSLE (II)

2009-07-14T00:14:00.001+01:00

"We shall overcooome..."
Overcome what? ourselves?
The song makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
Cry for what I once believed in and held dear
Laugh for the 'ridiculousity' of dreams and hopes and...

One often fancied a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel...
Now it seems the global recession has hit everywhere
Someone must have switched it off to save power
Now we embrace the ensuing dark
We remember its warmth
The all-inclusive nothingness-No
One does not grope in the dark,
For we are dark-tis what we and all things were
Before it pleased Him to say "Let there be light"
And there was light.

Till then we walk as dark
Shrouded in our small strength
Which we know the winds'll blow away soon
For we are dark
Till he says the word
When it pleases Him to say the word
that the word may be a lamp unto our path

IF it pleases Him.
When it pleases Him.

GRAND TUSSLE (I)

2009-07-09T09:08:00.003+01:00

(...from the archives; a fork in the road situation and a period of great pain)
:-)

If I lose my reason
Will it be for my soul?
If I lose my soul?
Will it be for a reason...

When events refuse the Master Plan
Frustration we've discovered, grows titanically
Prods you to deviate from the chosen path
And find in the melee; a whole new foothold

Waltzing to the dance of existence
Be often times like the tango
The many years of preparation
Suddenly dont matter on the dance floor
If associates neglect to step in tune
To Life's complicated melody
The strong man is labelled a weakling
For want of a decent mate, all fails
The sequence of steps, it fails

When the Chief Imam whitelists pork
Is this progress or recession
Is it dying or finally living
Does one revel in the new awareness
or solemnly weep in ashes

"We have kept the faith
We ran the course
We fought a good fight"
But the trip would suddenly pale in attraction
If the reward be only in the heavenlies

You who made all with a word
You who orchestrates from a higher floor;
See, the world crumbles, the structures tumble
Whats to be done, how does one stay strong
For there's an ongoing struggle, Sir
Grand tussle, a soul tussle.

ORINAYO

2009-06-21T23:00:00.003+01:00

(...inspired by a dear 8 month old charmer I had the pure joy of baby sitting for some hours)

Tired and hungry
I stumbled into the room
My bungling wakes her
And she turns her head
Realising my error, I freeze

She blinks on seeing my bulky frame

Her cheeks gather and I see the beginning of a smile
She smiles, Oh Lord! She smiles
Her legs thrashing in joy on seeing me
-My hunger disappears,
My weary frame is energized
I move to her and squat
By her side and tickle her chin

“Boo!”, I say , smiling too
She laughs out loud rocking her lithe body
The world is at peace and nothing else matters
Just the laughing beauty starring at me
I kiss her on the forehead with my beastly lips
She looks lovingly into my eyes
Her smiles soften my wizened face

Lord God!
How she makes my heart sing for joy

I lay my weary head besides hers
She’s babbling something I can’t quite make out
She reaches out and strokes my nose-smiling
Her touch says all she can ever say in words
I’m smiling-mirroring hers
God bless her soul
This lil Smiles Dispenser.

-ManCee

LOVU WANTINTIN

2009-06-10T12:18:00.001+01:00

(from the archives; wrote sometimes back when I really believed a particular relationship had a future, inspite of all the drama ...ah! well)

There's a way you call my name
My breath pauses in amazement

When I see you
My heart skips many a beat

This still puts me in wonder-
How does the coconut gets its water
Our palms the hieroglyphics

None can claim full awareness
We met them so…and like them
Of all our truths, this much is proven
Friendship is our support
Relationships our cloak

We know the Queen by the glitter of her tiara
A chieftain is stood out by his beads
There's a star, nay, two
Whose twinkle stand you out of ten thousands

When you have no one behind you
One falls like a Lackadaisical
With you, I strut like a ruling king

Look at the hoe, see its sharpness
We are ready to heap the ridges
I have seen the vision, beautiful queen
Our homecoming with the bountiful harvest
We who were thought unable to pitch a tent
See how the midday sun bathes our palace

You are my One
Of course yam cant replace pounded yam
You are my cloak
Come love me once more Beloved
I’ll peel yam on the fire, and
My amala making will span the whole street
In this Lovu wantintin feferity.

Shaggy and Sons- THE VEE CHALLENGE II

2009-06-04T17:37:00.004+01:00

'ManCee, I told you that Beauty and the Beast yarn get plenty potentials'
'You no well, who gi you permission use the line sef'
'Ol boy, leave dat side...or you wan begin dey claim copyright?'
'ehen now, abi?'
'Okay, shebi na the proceed una go divide...givam one round with the V-Yansh now'
'Salir, you sef no well...'
We all laughed.
Much as you think you know Shaggy, the guy still manages to surprise you. If someone had said Shaggy would get a coitus offer and turn it down, I would have laughed the person down to hades and beneath. This is Shaggy, he NEVER discriminates.

'Meanwhile Shaggy, why you no wan do the girl sef...?'
'Mancee, Me? I no fit o. What if I do finish and she no come gree go again. I no wan makesomebody dey come cry for my head say I do am evil o'
'...and since when did that start troubling you? remember Cynthia, Joke, Dola, Nne...?'
'Bros, leave story for tortoise. Those ones dey different now, no mind their drama. I took nothing that wasnt already gone. Abi Salir? AND na you I dey pity o, you no say na you dem dey meet for house come cry for'
'Yes o Shaggy. Mr Self Control'

They hit fists laughing.

I'm asking myself...what would I have done differently if I had been in Shaggy's shoes? I really wish I knew for sure.

'Shag, I think you should do the woman. Na bed She wan bed you not wed you', said Salir.

Shaggy 'Salir,Salir, well said. You have a point o'. Another fist hitting.

'D two of you no well o'
'ok Mancee, wetin you talk?'

'Well, for starters, you know I dont really believe being a virgin says anything about a person aside that. Too many technical virgins out there for the nomenclature to be of any real value. Moreover, it is no indication of whether the individual is a good person or not...so, V or no V...a woman is a woman and should be related to without the V-cloud'.

"IWE ", they both shout out laughing. Salir is rubbing my head in a mock 'Head Ventilation' gesture.

Shaggy stands 'Bros-es, I suppose waka. I wan check somebody for next street...'
'Shaggy and Sons', Salir and I chant simultaneosly...

ONE WEEK LATER

I had been away for like 5 days on a business trip to the south. Amaka came to the house and asked for Shaggy, told her to wait for him. Chit chat, this and that, and I find myself wondering if it was true that the drop dead gorgeous female in front of me was actually a virgin. Na wah o. 'wonders shall never end'.

Shaggy comes in later and ushers her out. He isnt back till late. He comes in with that tell tale grin on his face...I recognised the malady :'brag-litis'. He needed minimal prompting to talk...

'So ...that was Amaka V-Yansh' I said non chalantly
'Not anymore', Shaggy's grin was in 'chesire cat' mode-it had spread from ear to ear...

I nearly choked on my drink '...you mean...'. The boy was so joyed he couldnt talk and just managed to nod his head vigorously.

Somehow, she had convinced him (or he had convinced her?) that it was going to be a "no-frills" shag. He said she begged him to de-flower her and teach her all about shagging. lol. Shaggy even had to draw up a 5week (!) curricula of two shag sessions per week spanning various 'positions and techniques'.
She was merely 'getting an education', he was Shaggy and 'merely' doing her a favor.
LOL
I never see.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
End of the five weeks, Shaggy wants to move on. (tis a surprise he could stick with the same female for that long-he said it was because she was a good student !).

Amaka asked for an extension...
Shaggy agreed (against our collective disapproval). One day he goes to pick her up at home for another 'class'. While waiting in the living room, he overheared her mum call him her husband. He did not hear Amaka contest it. Shaggy panicked, freaked out, and asked to use the toilet. He called me -from the toilet- asking what to do. lol

Well, though I would readily kill the guy a lotta times, he's still my guy now abi?.
'Do the migraine routine...'

That class was cancelled-due to a rather curious bad case of migraine.

After two weeks of 'migraine', Amaka got the gist-she came to complain to me. (I really need to leave home more often...)

...And like a lotta other beautiful divas before her-Cynthia, Joke, Dola, Nne etc...ManCee had to bear the tearful sobs, give the 'sob-soothing' shoulder, offer the soothing kleenex, get a cab-and pay- while promising to 'talk to' Shaggy.

And another one bites the dust...

...another dis-illusioned woman unleashed unto an unsuspecting world...

...One more excuse to give God for stabbing Shaggy to death in his sleep.

Shaggy and Sons- THE VEE CHALLENGE 1

2009-06-01T13:25:00.002+01:00

A Shaggy tale, told in first person...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Its a parteeee...
:-)
I was passing by and overheard her saying to her girlfriends "...I'm so fine". I laughed and made a U-turn for her. I walked up to her amidst all the other females and held her arm 'Marry me'. She's startled.

'It's proven to work, I swear', the other chic are going 'Na wah o', and giggling

'Say something girl, I'm offering you fairy tale level romance here. Ever heard of Beauty and the Beast?. You are sooo fine (true) and I'm sooo ugly (false). We were made to be together. Lets tango', said I as I spun her into an internal dance turn-latin dance style.
Shes laughing now, 'I dont think so..', and eased herself away. I looked up into the sky and with mock angst and disappointment I cried with arms widespread "I tried, Lord I tried".
I went back to the dance floor singing "Sean da Paul...give it to 'em" at the top of my voice and doing the dance. I was having mad fun that night.
We got introduced later by a friend and I never asked her out again. I didnt mean it the first time, was just high on mad fun and Smirnoff Ice.lol. I think she apparently thought more of it.

We'd chat online, trade insults on 'hi5'. SMSs. share annoyances and pet peeves mostly over the phone. She's fun and smart but I never asked her out.

One morn, I'm getting ready for work. She calls asking if we could hook up after work-something on her mind. Why not? 1830hr, we meet. gist about this and that and nothing specific. We go see a performance. 2200hr, time to leave. She asked if she could come over to my place for the night-shes got a spare shirt. My heart is racing, could this be...I declined.
The boys would be home-that Mancee nonsense would totally burn my cable.
I took her home. We make out in the car. Tis goodnight.

She calls next day asking what happened. Why didnt I want her over. Dont I like her? etc etc. I laughed. Told her I was just tired is all.
I told her I was waaay tooo cheap to be chased for long. She laughed at my self flagellation.
lol
From then on...we flirted with each other each chance possible. Friendly banter, laden with innuendoes. She being the more vocal and un-abashed. Me silently wondering if I really could handle this woman in bed.What with all her bragging. What with my rep at stake. There was only one way to find out-It was bound to eventually happen.

A date was fixed. She chose the day. Her funeral I told her. She asked me to write my will.

I knew her job was as stretching as mine and decided to get as much advantage as possible. Took a 3 day work leave and didnt tell her. I used the first two to catch up on sleep-it was imperative to be in top shape. Fed well and took a lotta fruits. Added pineapples incase an oral came up, bananas and roasted plaintain to patch any estwhile unrecognized hole in the phallus function. Bought a box of assorted sheathings, ribbed, dotted, flavored etc etc.

Friday, "Slaughter Day", I got some KY-Jelly on my way to her office. I patiently watched her from the waiting lounge. She's obviously stressed up. Shes on the phone and I could see her neck muscles tensing, lol. I've got all the advantages in this war. She finally gets away at six, dials my number 'where are you', 'stuck in traffic', I heard her sigh. She's surprised to see me in the lounge, looking cool, bathed, smiley, smelling nice and content. She smilles and kisses me lightly on the lips. right there. Her dress was sexy and sultry in a professional way! How does she do that?

We went for a drink, bought take-away and headed to the pre-booked hotel room. She asked why an hotel and not my place. I said I didnt want to seem like I had "home advantage" in this match(I couldnt tell her I share a flat with 2 others-abi? my rep now). She laughed and mouthed some more threats. *snicker

She brought out scented candles from her bag, and lights them-I'm curious, she says she wants it to be special. Mmmm..
I told her I dont need that much persuasion or was she going to start begin me now for mercy?
She laughed 'In ur mind' she retorted. 'Shaggy, I've told you, you are going dooown tonight'.

Bring it on baby, bring it on.

Music playing, food done and cleared. teeth brushed and rinsed, clothes removed or torn. The kissing is on steroids. We are both tearing at each other as if to outdo one the other. (Well actually) Her body was a wonderland and my hands had a field day and kept getting lost. Girl gives a head like she has a diploma in it. I outdo her on the rebound. She's clutching my head tightly while she calls out my name on different keys.

Main feature of the night. I bring the box and she chooses the vanilla flavoured sheath (!).
She helps roll it on and is FRANTICALLY talking dirty. She was thrusting while i'm yet to enter. Man this woman was really itching to be done. I decided to make her wait. I played on the entrance, teased every inch of that vulva with the vanilla-ed phallus. She's wild now and looked like she'd bite me if I didnt go in. I decided to. I gently slid a finger in there...

Can it be?

"Sweetness of Ages!!!" I exclaimed.

Amaka is a Virgin.!!!!!!!!!

I sprung away, loosing my balance. I toppled backwards off the bed and hit my head. Shes asking what the matter was. My head was smarting and I was laughing. 25years and body of a damn fine sex goddess, how? Can you imagine, all that preparation and she's a friggin virgin?! No way I was going to do a virgin.

"YOU ARE A VIRGIN?!" I said to her still chuckling

She crumbles by the bed side and is wailing her heart out...'Is it a sin to be, why do guys treat me like i'm a leper..."

There is no way I'm doing a virgin. No way baby...No way
(Have I got gist for the boys or what?)

Amaka of the bubble butt fame IS a virgin!

And thus ended the V-Challenge.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

What do you think about this, eh?

ACROSS THE 7 SEAS

2009-05-31T03:42:00.000+01:00

Let the Green'Witch' not be mean,
and let time here be same as there

Let the even sun stay a bit its course,
and let us share this one sunset

Let the wind carry my longing heart
oh!To be in the arms of her-My Beloved.

-ManCee

Shaggy and Sons -Mama shaggy Visits-In conclusion

2009-05-18T18:04:00.003+01:00

DAY6
oSHOWDOWN + MAKE UP
0500hr. I start the engine. Noticed a hand scrawn note passed through the slit in my window “I'm sorry”. I knew it was from Tamia. A vision of the body I saw last night passed by my mind and my body recoiled while "my guy" started engorging AGAIN! Damn girl.
I'm so so tired of all this crap. I head home to go change and dress up.
Salir opens the door looking in my face for some tell tale sigh of anger. I eye him coldly and make for the room. Took a loooong warm shower. Dressed up and went to grab Shaggy by his scruffy collar. He's apologising and saying a whole load of shit I wasnt trying to hear. My whole body itched and ached simultaneously (how do you explain that?!)
I dragged him to his mum's room. Salir is close behind. She's awake and obviously still shaken.
'Morning ma', she ignores the greeting.
'Mummy, shaggy has something to say to you'.
She looks at him with a look of “Can it be any worse?”
A loooong silence.
“Mummy, the condom was mine”. The woman looked like she was going to die of apoplexy. I felt a twinge of pity for her, her face suddenly looked extremely sad. “i did not bring you up that way. Is that the influence of bad company?” she queried, eying Salir and I.
“No mum, you didnt bring me up that way. We never discussed sex or girls. Remember it was a taboo. I grew up and discovered for myself...I was even doing it without protection.
This so-called bad company -he gestured in our direction-made me start using one. Mum I owe them”. The sheath you found, I was drying out for re-use, I find it kinda embarrasing going to ask to buy condoms at the corner store
“But...”
“Mum, if you love me at all you will be grateful to these two guys. They've helped me stay sane...”
“Are you implying that you've since been having sex...”
Shaggy cuts in “Mum, I've only done it 4 times!”.
(Salir and I exchange a discreet smile)
I see now than ever that I probably shouldnt be having sex till marriage but mummy, the spirit is willing...”
MShaggy gets up from the bed and hugs her son. She's crying. Shaggy is holding on to her. I motion to Salir for us to leave the room for Mother and Son.
They didnt notice our exit, they both held and cried, saying apologies to each other over and over.
We go late to the office . Shaggy and Mum still pouring their hearts out to each other.
I called Shaggy's office and told them he was ill and wont be coming in. Left him a note to let him know...
Outside, I looked at Salir and said 'man, we need to talk...', 'About Tamia?'I nodded.
'Dont worry about it, She made advances at you right? its her way. Thanks for trying to tell me though, you are real brother'. I'm dumbfounded.
'So, did you...?', 'No, no I didnt. Couldnt' I quickly cut in (still remembering the attendant pain)
“I'm breaking up with her cheating ass soon anyways...'. ‘Why not now’ I wondered. Salir laughed ‘Bruv, that girl knows how to do a guy right’, ‘Salir, you ARE crazy’.
We both laughed as we entered our cars to start the days travails…

DAY 7
LEAVING

We all took the day off at MShaggy's prompting.
She treated us to some exotic dish from the northern part of the country. I never knew those guys had anything that exciting.
While we ate, she brought up the events of the last few days and said she'd like to discuss them with us.
I looked at my giuys, we exchanged looks which said "Darn, the food was bait".
She asked us to relax.
MShaggy reminded of her stay at Harvard. How she met Pa Shaggy. She gisted us of how he pursued her till like forever before she 'greed. How he was a ladies' man and why she was sceptical about him. She gisted us of their first time kissing and *cough. She didnt tell ANY of these tales in a boring old woman fashion o...she was down to earth. it was uncensored. She said she should have had this talk with Shaggy ages ago.She told us of their romance at college. How they broke up for a year and the other guys she "found adventure" with. A lot of the gist was veeeru funny. We laughed our bollocks off. She told us of how an oyinbo lecturer had the hots for her and of cos, this got Pa Shaggy furious and more serious at the same time. We all made lunch together...it was real fun. She said she didnt believe Shaggy's claim of sex only 4 times; that if he was anything like his father...lol
Just when we were beginning to think the woman was clueless...
Did I ever compare this woman to my mum?!!
Heck, she was waaay cooler.
Somehow, somehow, she smuggled talk of christ into the gist. We never noticed nor saw it coming.
(In retrospect, I think we might have decided to be born-again without knowing it that day)
When it was time to go, she said she had booked a flight back to lagos. She was wearing a rather fancy skirt and blouse. She had it made in a hurry by the cornerstore bespoke tailor. She said she was going off that "iro and buba" bandwagon.She said she needed to apologise to Pa Shaggy for letting their earlier raunchiness go cold, in the excuse of getting more godly. Wasnt it part of her godly duty to her hubby?
She said she had us to thank for helping her remember the good old days with Pa Shaggy. She said she was going to help them rediscover that "absolute magic"- her words.
At the airport, we took turns hugging her. She took time to oray for each of us rather embarrasingly seriously right there in the lobby.
LOL.
When her flight was ready and they were being called in she got and shouted "GROUP HUG!!!"
Bear hugs for every body...and we took pictures on her camera-she promising to send a copy back to us in canvas.
lol
On the way home, Salir asked if we didnt need to warn Pa Shaggy of the impending...
"Naaaaah....", we all chorused.

EXAMINATIONS

2009-05-16T02:41:00.001+01:00

Examinations,
We flay them
We straff 'em
'useless, imperfect
unfair, un-needed'

Yet through all ages
They diligently illuminate
Our thoughts
Whats been taught
Whats retained
And those disdained
time and time again

We do well to embrace all Truth-Sayers

-ManCee

Shaggy And Sons-Mama Shaggy Visits 3

2009-05-13T11:10:00.003+01:00

DAY 3
SAME ISH
Well folks, day 3 was what you call same same or 'so so'. I actually prefer the French 'comme ci comme ca', though the food wasn’t. Oh no ma'am! It wasn’t.
Mama Shaggy (MShaggy) went on her tour but asked us to stay back as she had made a friend in the neighborhood!!!
Turns out the pestle for our pounded yam binges were from our next door neighbor.
The Girl Next Door (GND) turns out to be a real looker. Damn! That chic had some hooters on her- and she packaged them well.
She was a final year psychology student and was visiting for two weeks
I greeted her curtly-no chic was going to make me provoke MShaggy . Shaggy lingered on his greeting of her...I noticed.
When MShaggy and GND were gone, I dragged him outside, and promised to skin him alive if he so much as make any moves-sudden or planned on that chic. Nothing was going to come between me and MShaggy’s mealies. Nothing. “ Food before bros, Ho-s come next.
Salir had a chic he had dated then for 3 months and I had no fear of him effing up.
Shaggy was still the “Weakest Link”. Give it to the guy, he'd been celibate for 4 days now, aka no shagging or chasing.
Lets face it folks, Guy was bound to break sooner or later, twas Shaggy we're talking about here man.

DAY 4
THE EFF UP
Gentlemen and ladies, without our knowledge nor sanction, Master Shaggy had launched out for GND
It so turned out that GND spent quite a lotta time with MShaggy , and you know how the Worlds Most Perfect Son belongs to every mother? Well MShaggy had one too. She was full of how caring and stuffs her lil boy was and GND may just like him. She tells of how Shaggy had no girl in his life -what with him being such aa shy boy (!)-and needed a good girl like her to compliment him.
Girl next door (GND) was so friendly with MShaggy that they'll both take the trips we had planned for her.
Of cos it was bound to happen- MShaggy 'introduced' them-officially. Unknown to her, shaggy had already read his manifesto to the chic same day we all met her.
MShaggy feeling like a correct match maker structured an alone time between both people. Of course Shaggy agreed. He never told us anyhow, we knew better than to let the Shaggy Cat watch over any Fine Ass Fried Fish Chic.
Anyways, Shaggy did the girl. Turns out the good girl GND was a vixen herself. Typical?.

•

DAY 5
I noticed Shaggy was exceptionally calm at breakfast. I recognised the calm-and the attendant Shaggy itch to brag. It was obvious he was happy about something but was dying from bottling it up.
On my way to work, I brushed past him and whispered for his ears only “Hey bro, hang in there and dont Eff this up ”3 more days man, 3 more days”. He nods and gives me a look of defiance...
1800hrs, I'm getting ready to leave the office. My phone vibes, tis Salir.
“ManCee, the good luck talisman aint working no more. We're in for it”
“Whatcha mean bruv”
“Tis shaggy man, he's effed up bro. He's effed up big time”
Suddenly, the room is threatening to spinning, “Woosa...”, I definitely need my head about me now “Alright bruv, you NEED to calm down and tell me what happened”
Turns out that Shaggy's creativity had done us in. Remember, we got him unto the Condom-Use band wagon much earlier? Well, what we didn’t bargain for was that Shaggy was going to get inventive.
After a few uses, Shaggy apparently came to the conclusion that the used sheaths could be recycled. Yep! I mean re-used. (can you beat that!?)
Shaggy uses a sheath, 'empties' it, rinses and hangs to dry for re-use. K-Y Jelly helps in the re-use session
Turns out that from doing GND the day before, MShaggy discovered the used sheath while it was still making the recycling rounds. Dearest Shaggy had hung the sheath in the other room and MShaggy had found it out . AND all hell was let loose.
MShaggy was hysterical. You know how when people get mad they delve into an inner part of them that doesnt surface all the time? She was demanding an explanantion for the apparition in impeccable queen's english (she studied in Oxford). She was raving mad and going on and on about how we had disappointed her faith in us. Shaggy apparently freaked out and told his mum that the condom belonged to me!
Me!
Salir said he finally believed MShaggy went to oxford that day, in spite of all her homeliness and ‘local-ness’. He said half of the '*oyinbo' she was blowing was waaay beyond his head
MShaggy was on and on about how could she have been so blind and not seen through my 'school boy-ish' innocence and seen that I was thoroughly spoiled. She’s saying how shaggy needs to move out and away from my influence. Does he not know that 'bad company corrupts good manners?' and so on and so on and so forth.
I'm appaled- Damn! My first impulse was to rush home and bash shaggy's head in.
Salir advised not to come home for the night. Let the woman cool down a notch and finish venting.
Oh Shaggy, Oh shaggy! What the bling is wrong with you man? Why cant you control yourself. Why man, why?
Salir gives me his babe's addy, said he had called her that I might be coming and she was expecting me.
I knew it was probably best to stay away...I took Slair's advise and headed for Tamia's.
Twas already dark by the time I got to her mini flat. Tamia greets me at the door in her nighties. Some peripherial vision acknowledges that she had a killer body. She had some TFC take-aways for me. I did the usual chit chat I do with her. How was her day and stuffs. We saw the news at nine together and passed comments about the usual national drama. 22:10, she hands me a duvet and pillow and excuses herself. I gratefully took the articles and proceeded to make myself comfortable on her 3-seater. The rug felt more like it...so I relocated there. Lights out. Time to crash and consolidate the day’s happenings.
About an hour or so into my sleep..I felt my 'buddy' standing at attention. Felt like a dream...Hmm nice I thought. I hadn’t had one of those kinda dreams in a long while. I feel myself writhing slightly and felt a warm body under the duvet. Instinctively I snuggled closer still thinking twas a dream. My mouth finds a hard pointy knot and I'm sucking rather hard. I hear a moan and thought how realistic...Cant it be...?
I open my eyes a slit and make out curves in the half light.
I sprung up alarmed, throwing the duvet away, heart pumping, my boxers parted at the 'piss hole' and my phallus so hard it ached. I make out Tamia's figure looking at me with almost a pleading stare. Her nightie lace undone, boobs beckoning me to lock on and suck, gap between her spread legs caught a light which proved wetness and my 'guy' is nodding vigorously-agama style.
Fuck!
Lord knew I did not need an invitation and so much wanted to do her till kingdom come.
I swallowed. “What da Eff do you think you are doing?” I struggled to keep my voice from shaking from all the excitement and over exertion of self control.
“No one will know” she said getting up to her knees, 'I promise'
In an instant, she's holding ‘my guy' and started the beginning of a licking.
I felt the tip of her tongue and wanted to thrust into her mouth. Somehow the order was carried out in reverse and my body sprang away (Dont ask me why, It DEFINITELY was reflex. I KNOW that MOST ASSUREDLY wasnt me. I mean C'mon, I'm a guy and hadnt had any since my last girlfriend, some 5 months earlier.
I pick my things and made for the car.
She shouting after me “Come back here ManCee and fuck me. Come back here this instant”. SHIT.
I could have cried.
Can this day go any worse?
My own guy lied on me to save his skin, I'm 'dethroned' as MShaggy 's favorite, no wonderful supper for me, I run away from my own house, I'm almost fcuked by my guy's girl, I run away from a promising discreet shag after a rather long drought, and now I had to go sleep in a car. Can it be any worse?
Big mouth, I just had to ask ...'the Mosquitoes seemed specially trained...they sucked me so meanly and left me wondering which was worse. To be sucked by Moquitoes or Salir's girlfriend. Damn pests.
I drifted in and out of a nightmare featuring a gorgeous figure eight Mosquito which kept trying to insert its probocis into my “One-eyed-snake”!!!
*sigh.
So much for sleep...

CRY BABY, CRY

2009-04-30T17:36:00.000+01:00

Tears sear,yeah
Tears cleanse, hence
Tears were made,to aid
Humans' journey thru life

I am a man,
I need not prove it to anyone
But I refuse
To be caused tears by anyone

If I cry, when I do

Twill be merely for release
To help ManCee's journey thru life

-ManCee

Shaggy and Sons- Mama Shaggy Visits2-The chronicles

2009-04-28T11:53:00.004+01:00

D-day

We go to pick up mama Shaggy today at the park.
We take one last look around...

Flat neatly arranged-check
No stray playboy et al lying anywhere-check
All such publications as above moved outta the house-check
Christian picture on sitting room wall-check, check
Sticker on outer door saying 'I'm a winner'- double check

Bus arrives 3pm-we've been there since 2:30.
Her route is announced, we meet, we're introduced. I get special mention and hug as the 'landlord'
:-)
Did I mention the prayers too. We left early enof to avoid rush hour. We offer mama some re-heated food still in take away pack from TFC- (Yeah I know, we were just incorrigible)

She's appalled!

"Is this how you boys live?" she queries. We ALL shrug like whats she talking about?!

"Unacceptable", she declared, bringing out some pre-cooked stew +soup from used bournvita cans.

She empties these into our sole 2 pots and kept the rest in the refridgerator
"Tomorrow", she dictated 'we go to the market'
"Yes ma", we nodded obediently, .
Secretly patting each other on the back-'high performance, delivered-great planning guys'
She wisks some dinner up for the boyz and goes to sleep after a bath.

...Mouths reeking of locust beans, tummies rotund from myriads of boluses, we sit idly in the sitting room, legs draped over various pieces of furniture, wondering if we could have mama on retainership.

Plates washing and kitchen cleaning, we sleep and thus went the first day

:-)

Ps: OMG, None of us remembered it was a Friday night…

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Day 2

Bodyclock ALWAYS wakes me at 5am. Prompt!
(nonsense)
At about 'wake up time', my mind registered a shuffling past our door. I was sleeping on the rug; nearer to the door and could make out mutterings. Mama was up, about and praying. I smiled, nostalgia, I'm suddenly thinking of my mum. *sigh
MEMO TO SELF
Call Mama Mancee in the morn

Morning rituals-water drinking, 'shaiting', pushups, crunches, bathing. I launch 'operation 'MEGA SUCK UP' and join mama Shaggy in the kitchen.

She's pleasantly surprised to see me.

I asked if she slept well, 'very well' she said. She fired me some early morn prayers while I lapped it all up...

:-)

She asked about the others, told her they were still dozing. I saw her brief look of dis-approval as she glanced at the kitchen clock 5:45.

We chit chat about this and that-me being careful NOT to be drawn into any 'churchy' conversation except to mention my mum and her churchy ways...Mama is impressed.
Man, have I scored or what? I can already see the size of MY meat growing as we chatted. lol.

The more we talked, the more I wondered how it was that Shaggy was born of this same woman !!! The more I saw the potential for this visit going wrong. Wharaheck! I decided to focus on the potential gratification at hand.

Tis Saturday, I had to go to the office. ( actually Salir and I had scheduled to be away today to avoid possibly going to the market with her, *snicker). Shaggy of course couldn’t be away.

We had told him it would be quality time to catch up on Mama-Son gist. The look on his face was priceless…he looked like he had just been pierced in the heart and the lance was being twisted back and forth. lol

Breakfast was better than dinner, I swear! Jeez, I could get used to this.
Of course, we’ll be back in time for lunch.
Of course.

MEMO TO SELF.
Chic I marry MUST know how to cook first, a close second being shag-ability...(we'll need plenty work outs to keep the pot belle at bay, innit?)

*snicker.

Shaggy and Sons...Mama Shaggy Visits (1)

2009-04-20T23:04:00.007+01:00

Shaggy's mum once came visiting! Apparently, the woman had not seen him for while and was missing her son. Nothing wrong with that shay?
Well so we thot till the 'logistics' dawned us.
Salir randomly asked if we needed to 'prepare' for mumsie's coming and the thot appealed to my 'inner consultant', so I fired up my laptop, hooked the display up to our 25"tv nd commenced deliberations.
AGENDA
(1)House keeping
(2)Bedroom space
(3)Tour packages
(4)Tv programmes scheduling and how they affect Video Gaming
(5)Parties/Gigs scheduled 4 that week
(6)Chics
(7)AOB

Soo, housekeeping.
It was obvious that our bi-weekly pseudo cleaning effort wont fly. To our credit, we had a timetable, we cleaned every other saturday . Why we didnt do it more often? We all agreed that the important thing was the regularity. Salir NEVER faltered. I've been known to have a few excuses but Shaggy ALWAYS had his done.
Regularly.
By different chics.
After which, he - in his words- rewards them.
In kind of course.
He called it a 'classic symbiosis'.
Needless to say , Shaggy's Super Saturdays were our cleanest, of cos he'd claim the bragging rights too-fair enof.
He however, made up for this by being the most untidy of us three.
Yours truly was "Cleanest" (lol)...by male standards.

The resolution here was obvious-
Henceforth, cleaning is every saturday. Every saturday is Shaggy's Super Saturday- for a month before his mum's coming. Upon her arrival, we guys will take over. No more chics allowed.

Bedroom space. This was a no brainer-She gets one room, we guys hunker in the other room and spill over into the sitting room-as usual.

Sight seeing tours. We agreed that to keep the Ol lady out of our biz, we needed diversions. She needed tours such that she'll be too tired in the evenings to bother us all too much. We were especially scared of being preached at. Of cos, Shaggy's trips had to be on hold, else the stupid boy would have conveniently structured a week long facility inspection to some remote location or the other. Plan was we'll take turns and of cos, we all had to go to a church with her. We agreed my church was the preferable, it was big enof for us to claim anonymity and I had attended church enof to be known by a handful of ppl who we could stop and make small talk with after church to simulate 'after service fraternization'. I could see the Ol lady's nod of approval already...(snicker)

TV. If above tours plans dont work out...we all knew what that meant, the tv would be 'in the line of fire'. She was liable to hold us ransom to some local boring programme or the other OR even more scary, we could be made to watch an online church service with her. With this in mind, I installed an application on my phone which would 'call' me at a set time so I'll pretend to need to go outside to talk. No, I ddnt mention it to them-if we all had it, its efficacy very easily be compromised. There was the suggestion of buying a tv for her room so she wont come out at all. Shaggy reminded us that she was waay too social for that to work. Plonck! There goes another great idea down the drain... (sigh).
Video games were definitely NOT going to fly...we evaluated them and ALL was 18+. Too much gore or too much display of 'chic-ly anatomy'

Parties and gigs were out of it. You DONT want to provoke a Christ Apostolic Church woman into forcing you to a night vigil session. NO SIR! you absolutely DONT.

Babes?
For above reason, visits were to be AGGRESIVELY monitored and censored.
Of cos, NO MORE CHICS' SLEEP OVER. Shaggy muttered something about feelings of 'castration'.
Lol. This was going to be fun.
I mentioned I was looking forward to seeing Shaggy go thru withdrawal symptoms.
He looked like he wanted to call the trip off, say he had to travel outta town or something. Problem was, we ALL wanted the woman over!!!

Then you'll rightly ask
So with ALL these potential disruption to our 'well structured and organised lives' Why didnt we just vote the proposed visit down?

Well...because we are guys and though it is often opined that the path to the male heart is sometimes the **** (cough), believe me, the palate is always a winner.

Home cooked mealies, done by a real life old dame? I'm sorry but few chics can cook the way our mamas do it...

We were all agreed on that one.
QED

My I WISH LISTING

2009-04-08T08:38:00.002+01:00

MY "I WISH LIST"

I wish America were a person, so I could break his legs. Crush actually. The idea is that he'd stay home, mind his business, stop eyeing the neighbour's goodies and quit sacrificing its young people's life just to maintain the image of 'Global Super Power'.

I wish I could poke out Osama's eyes and infest his yansh with a thousand afghan flies. Such that he can't stay hidden as the flies always seek him out and he can't stay in the open coz no one'll take him serious

I wish sex wasnt such a taboo such that it'll be hard to tempt 15year olds with the promise of a reward of 60 virgins in 'paradise'

Lets have some sex education folks. The young idiot above'll then know that he's better off with 2 sluts who know what the 'efff' they are doing...

I wish there'll be no more sickness in the world so that doctors'll be broke and that guy dragging babe with me go lose small lustre. Lol

I wish people'll stop saying I'm nice. It gets kinda annoying you see...

I wish I never broke up with my first girlfriend. We went out for almost 2 yrs. That woman showed me umconditional love. I think I still measure other girls by her. No, we never did 'it'

I wish everyone in the world is uncolored and transparent-then there'll be no color hating. AND you could see a chic's heart racing when you're hitting the x-spot. Lol.

I wish we never had to eat, then most of the sufferings and robberies in the world'll be gone. Sorry guys, that means chics wont dig the guy with the fatest wallet anymore...we'll all have to pay more attention to our lyrics...

I wish boobs dont grab my attention so. Then my NEXT girlfriend wont leave me saying I never talk to her only to her chest! As if her chest is on someone else...?!

I wish churches and mosques would pull down all of their public address horns. Damn ! Guys, those things are torture on your neighbors. What would Jesus or Mohammed do?

I wish my father had told me about pleasing women -he was a chronic Playa- instead of asking me to be a good boy...D'uh!
FYI father mine- I found out-and excelled. Lol

Shaggy and Sons...The Introduction

2009-04-05T16:30:00.003+01:00

I once used to live in a block of flats. My floor had 2 flats, I occupied one. I always had friends come around, passing the night, staying for the week (till its end sometimes). 2 friends, Shaggy and Salir became more permanent 'squatters'. I appreciated the company most times and got to expand my own network of 'friends'.

No, they werent paying rent-I guess the thot never occured to me. We just hung out.

Most guys like to think we would do any babe that offers 'it' anytime, any where. While most of us kept this as just components of out private thots and material for more salacious arguements, Shaggy actually lived the creed!

I once told him that his programming seemed to read like this;

Start Command
"Does it wear a skirt?"
If 'yes',
Shag it and brag about it
If 'No', Convince it to wear a skirt
Then,
Go to start command.

That was Shaggy. His job made him travel quite a bit, which was why he didnt get a place of his own back then...No need to. Anyways I wasnt complaining.

And yeah, Shaggy had this "Big Dog" Theory (more on this later) that it is "imperative for any self- respecting Dog to mark territory, even if he is just passing through...for a night".

During one of those lazy weekends, gist went round to how many time each of us had 'done it' ( No, doing it with the same girl counted for only quarter the mark, lol)...Yeah, I know, there should be a law against young men having too much free time on their hands, esp on week ends. The result of that poll is gist for another blog.

Shaggy ranked high of course. So I idly asked him how many times in all those had he used a condom...He looked at me like I was from some alternate dimension or something.

"Why would I wanna do that?".

"Flesh to Flesh Is Best", he told me.

I couldn't believe it!

We went into an extensive debate on that one , till the guy agreed with our point of view.

To punish him, however, we wrote on ALL his stuff "SHAGGY AND SONS"

...In honor of ALL the possible children he has all over the country where he has 'marked territory' ...which he probably isnt aware of. The prospect of this sobered him for a few days, but there was no way in 10,000 galaxies that we were going to let him get over it without poking fun. (Sure, its a guy thing)

(maybe I'll post a picture of him and you just may be able to identify a few of those lil people in your area...)

SHAGGY IS MARRIED!!!

2009-03-07T06:23:00.000+01:00

Shaggy is married!!!

I dont believe it..
You wouldn't either, if you knew my guy Shaggy.
Shaggy?!
Married-You almost want to ask "Who is the blind brainless girl"
You might even want to feel sorry for her, or not.

Okay , okay...I'll tell you the full gist
In honor of Shaggy-the one I used to know and the man he has become, I've decided to blog about some of Shaggy's escapades. Some I witnessed, others I was told, either by him, admirers and his haters.
Shaggy oh, Shaggy

Wonders shall never end.
Shay?

Be on the look-out, if you will for
"SHAGGY AND SONS"

EXTRANEOUS

2009-02-04T20:52:00.004+01:00

'You really are a nice guy'

'You must have me confused..'

'Stop being modest, what you did was really nice'

'I dont think so, else I wouldn't have'

'You are such a curious fellow'

"You are kidding me'

'Am I bugging you ..?'

'Yes you are, didnt know how to say it earlier'

'Yeah right, and what will my Lord rather be doing?'

'Dont know what your Lord has to do now, but I've got some wanking to do'

You mean...! OMG, you cant be serious'

'You really are bent on being an irritant , aren't you?'

'But thats so self-demeaning..., how can you...you shouldn't'

Under the sofa, a 'dirty' Mag surfaces

The bathroom door closes'

<'Damn neighbour's sister'>

Thumbed thru some pages,

Eyes closed,

lubrication is in order

and the 'To' et 'Fro'

Felt the appendage touch something warm

Eyes opened

Sees the reflection in the medicine box mirror"

<'Father!', what great knockers...>"

Felt the cleavage assailing his back

The hand easing his off the woody

With alarmingly pleasurable pulsations.

He opens the medicine box

Out comes one from the pack of three...

This is definitely NOT the time for words.

<'Who would have thought...!'>

TAKE A BREAK

2009-02-04T19:29:00.000+01:00

Two guys in a life raft in the middle of the ocean

One sees an old bottle floating.

He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out.
The genie says,

"For letting me out, I will grant you one wish."
The guy says, (without thinking)

"Turn thisocean into beer".

And the ocean turns into the best beer anybody has ever tasted.
The second guy says to the first,

"You idiot,now we'll have to piss in the boat"

...........................................................
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women

................................................

Q. How many times can you subtract the number 5from 25?
A. Only once, then you are subtracting it from 20

...............................................

Why don't blondes get coffee breaks at work?
Because retraining costs too much

.............................................................
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She wanted to Make-Up her mind

.....................................................

How many civil servants does it taketo change a light bulb?

45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do thepaperwork

..........................

Before you find your handsome prince,

you've gotto kiss a lot of frogs

.....................

A man was walking along the beach and found abottle.

He looked around and didn't see anyone sohe opened it.

A genie appeared and thanked the manfor letting him out.

The genie said,

"For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one.

"The man thought for a minute and said,

"I havealways wanted to go to Hawaii

but have never been able to because

I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill.

So, I wish for aroad to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie thought for a few minutes and said,

"No,I don't think I can do that.

Just think of all thework involved

with the pilings needed to hold upthe highway

and how deep they would have to be

to reach the bottom of the ocean.

Think of all thepavement that would be needed.

No, that's just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie,

"There is one other thing that I havealways wanted.

I would like to be able tounderstand women.

What makes them laugh and cry,

why are they temperamental,

why are they sodifficult to get along with?

Basically, what makes them tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said,

"So, do you want two lanes or four?".

...........................................

ONE LOVE

:-)

The Bargain Store

2009-02-03T16:51:00.000+01:00

A friend has just been jilted by his fiancee for a richer guy-imagine!
When we were already rejoicing about the opportunity to 'partee'. (So much for our stupendous Bach-Eve. Okay o maybe I'll post the full story l8r)

Now I'm worried for my guy, he wants to go into the world with a vengeance.

There's so much hurt in the world; senseless hurt, yes.
The greatest tragedy , though, is when we keep re-feeling the hurt.

Today's Adonis may be tomorrow's Wonky and hurt us (or not). There is always a cycle of hurt to be broken by us all who have ever attempted love (or like..lol).

People get hurt and react in diverse ways.
Sometimes we say "Chei! I've learnt" "I no know how to deal with such and such".

Yeah right.

YOU ARE HURT and need to get rid of the hurt before you start liking someone else again.
ELSE? you'll be hurt again and it might just be your fault this time for not being whole before mingling again.

Dolly (God bless her and her ....), says it very well below.

The part that I think is most important in this song is the part of opening up, esp by someone who's been hurt before before, a la ..."...The bargain store is open, COME INSIDE".

One love...

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Artist: Dolly Parton
Album: Vol. 2-essential
Title: The Bargain Store

My life is like unto a bargain store
And i may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
But with a little mending it could be as good as new

Why you take for instance this old broken heart
If you will just replace the missing parts
You would be surprised to find how good it really is
Take it and you never will be sorry that you did

The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And i will guarantee you'll be completely satisfied

Take these old used memories from the past
And these broken dreams and plans that didn't last
I'll trade them for a future, i can't use them anymore
I've wasted love but i still have some more

The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And i can guarantee you'll be completely satisfied

My life is like unto a bargain store
And i may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
With a little mendin' it could be as good as new

The bargain store is open, come inside
The bargain store is open, come inside

(Dolly Parton-Copyrighted; Not for commercial use)

Dame Shag-A-Lot

2009-01-27T12:53:00.000+01:00

Once upon a time, I lived with 2 friends, Shaggy and Salir. Among us, we got quite a number of visitors , there was however a particular female I just couldn't stomach! First day I met her, her aura was just wrong, I couldnt quite place it but I didnt like her nor did I remember to hide it. Girl was pretty, nothing outta the ordinary but I just didnt like her. Then Shaggy started recounting tales about the girl, how she had absolutely no restrictions, didn't care who got hurt when she shagged. Would chase and do her friends' boyfriends, doesnt care if stuff is traced back to her or her folks etc etc -my reservation just got more fire. Shaggy confessed that he had refrained from even snuggling wit her as he was scared of her-for all he knew, she could be a 'winsh'. lol. Thus entered "Dame Shag-A-Lot".
One day I had just come in from work and was trying to take a nap. NEPA had done its thing. Heard a knocking on the other door and had opened the door before I realised it was Dame Shag-A-Lot. Her smile disappered when she saw me and she stammered when asking after the guys, her sudden anxiety made me wince and ask myself what grounds I had to loathe anyone. I asked her in and she blinked back in dis-belief. The boys had run down the rechargeable lamp as usual (there was no way I was going downstairs to put on the gen for her, no sir) so I lighted a couple of candles, did some small talk with her and resumed my nap.
Either she was scared of being alone in the dark or the candlelight was playing on her mood, Dame Shag-A-Lot asked me to play a board game with her. In line with my new resolution to work on my loathing of her person, I obliged. To my surprise, or maybe not, the name boldly printed on the board game in bold red letters was "SEX". I wanted to laugh and say 'a leopard never changes its spots, does it?'
The game is something like monopoly ( I think) and invloves you doing and issuing some dares from a stack of cards depending on where your dice roll lands you. Anyways, each time its my turn, I make it a point of duty to be properly boring and un-imaginative, when its her turn? liver no gree her do any extraneous thing...not with the stern look on my face. After about 20 mins, she exclaims that Shaggy and Salir are more fun when playing the game, I shrugged and suggested she waited for them, She apologised but we ended the game shortly
With the soft glow from the candles, the quiet from the rugged floor and upholstery, even I started feeling more and more relaxed. There was just the two of us in the room, and how do they say it? "one thing led to another..." and we talked about this and that. With little persuasion, she talked about herself and I did what i do best-listen.
She had been a regular girl, doing as she was bidded, nothing 'genz genz', minded her business, had an older boyfriend by whom she was deflowered. The were supposed to get married, but he went 'abroad' for a stint. They always talked on the phone for the first 6 months, Frequency dropped after that. He said the new plan is for her to come join him so He needed to start saving more money to sustain them both. Sounded good, she believed him...why not? Afterall, this was the guy whom she willingly gave her all to. Of course, with the benefit of hindsight, there were plenty clues which she didnot identify. She was a pretty naive girl, not schooled in the ways and workings of the world. By the second year, calls had degeneratd to once a month!!!
By end of the second year, no more calls. Still she hoped and believed. Then she heard he was in town. She was elated. It did not occur to her to wonder why he didnt inform her beforehand, why should she hear this from a 3rd party. She hurries home, prepares a light meal for him, does some makeup and heads to his parents' home. On the way, she's wondering what he looks like now, fantasized about how he had come back to make it all right, probably do the marriage rites. She had lived for this moment for2 years , now it was here and she felt like she was going mad from the mere tingling in her toes.
From afar, she heard drumming and sound of "feferity" coming from the compound she's headed to. She greeted a few people she knew on the street and didnt notice the look of surprise mixed with pity in their eyes. Someone stops her by the entrance to the compound, her man comes out to meet her, She runs to hug him and tell him how much she had missed him, he restrains her and asks her what she was doing there. She's bewildered...What did he mean? He said he came home to marry his sweetheart and shes is not invited. She thinks its a joke, his unsmiling face says otherwise. She's dumbfounded and is searching his eyes for further explanation, he says she should have taken a cue from long ago that he was no longer interested and moreover, his 'wife' was already pregnant.
He calls someone to get her a taxi and take her home. The whole gist did not quite make sense to her till late at night. She screams, she wails, the neighbours rush in, her parents are bewildered, they think shes gone mad, they restrain her. Shes mute for 2 more days...glassy eyed, not talking to anyone or recognising faces. She keeps looking at the door, waiting for Him to come in and make it all alright. To come in and tell her it was all a mistake and she was still the one for him, afterall she had forgiven him and he had promised to love her forever. He had said nothing could change his love for her. She took out all of their pictures and spread them on the bed, pinned some on the wall. She sang their song...Shania Twain "Looks like we made it, look how far we've come my baby...". Her uncles, aunts and cousins come to console her saying she needs to be strong and get over him. She tells them she's sure HE will come and show them all that they are wrong. He'll come for her. He promised he'll come back for her, he promised. it just a matter of time now and he'll wlak in through those doors.
By now, of course i was already having a paradigm shift. I had begun to see Dame Shag-A-Lot in a different light. Her eyes were glassy, like she was faraway, she seemed oblivious of my presence, she looked like she was in pain, re-feeling the hurt all over again yet trying to be 'strong' and not feel. The glow from the candle light seemed to accentuate her pain as she continued unbundling her heart in a torrent. I could see the beginning of a tear in each eye, she didnt try to hide it, she had run away from the hurt for ever, never speaking about it till now, she had become activity seeking to avoid being alone. She had gone from boyfriend to boyfriend seeking to re-affir to herself that she was a good enough woman for anybody. She was messed up and only got herself hurt more and more in each relationship. Then she started with her friends' boyfriends maybe those will work out. Sex was th only way to trap and keep the guys but of course it never worked, more and more her rep grew and more guys flocked to her for one night stands and booty calls, thus entered Dame Shag-A-Lot.
She didnt really enjoy most of the sex, yeah, there had been some realy good ones but she needed to be needed. TO be valued and naively thought "Philantropic Sex" was the panacea. Of course she was wrong.
When she was through, we were both quiet in our differnet corners of the sitting room. The candles burnt on with the flames waving to the ripple of the silent tears in her eyes. An eternity passed and she tried to wipe her eyes. I say a few words and avoided saying too much-I really couldnt relate to this much of pain in one person. Never felt one person carry so much burden. She excuses herself, and says she needs to leave. I pack her board game for her, she involontarily cringes when I handed it to her. She asks for a polythene bag to put it in. My guys enter and shatter the silence. They are happy to see her, she manages a weak smile, they ask whats wrong, she says she's not feeling well and needs to go home; they ask me what I had said to upset her so, she has a pleading look in her eyes not to tell, so I just smiled at the guys and changed the topic.
I never saw Shag-A-Lot again. She seemed to have just fizzled out. My guys say she seems to have repented and they didnt see her at parties anymore. i was christened 'Pastor" (lol) for making her 'repent'.
This post is dedicated to you and to everyone (esp females) who have had to go through such hurt. No matter how you chose to handle your individual pain, my heart goes out to you and I say "May you find a reason to smile, soon" ONE LOVE.

Inspiration from the belly...

2009-01-20T22:59:00.001+01:00

Ol boy,
See as hunger dey fire me thunder!
It's already past 8pm and I have this rule about not eating after 8pm.

Chei, see why e go nice to have a wife so? You say?

Mmmm, a wife. But will that solve anything or just complicate issues? What if she's the career type who won't get home early-deadlines to meet at the work place- won't it be wickedness to ask her to start making food when she gets home after wading thru the Lagos traffic sea.
She'll probably be cranky and you know what is said about hungry men...

yep! Ingredients for a fight are already provided; all that's needed is the first spark: maybe just a word spoken out of place and KABOOM!
(this marriage thing sef, LOL )

OK, how about a house help?
Halleluya o
...an extra shag mate in the convenience of your own kitchen? When cranky career-madam suddenly develops a 'headache' and wants to retire early?

But I digress.

This was supposed to be about food and hunger-an omni multitude problem. The main problem of the masses since the time of Joseph as Prime Minister of Egypt.

Has the problem been solved? Heck no!

A female I know once came up with an idea of feeding a thousand needy people every Saturday-I asked her to make an estimate of how it'll cost her and that was it. Curiously, It was never spoken of again.
I know of several peeps who do one thing or the other for charity ( including yours truly)-God bless them. Mine costs me twenty thousand each month and I'm thinking 'wharaheck', I fit blow that sum on a date at a fancy restaurant- one night, one sitting, yet that small dough does a lot for a lotta kids.

It doesn't just give them fish but attempts to teach them how to fish. That way they don't become dependent on you or anyone.

See my distant Uncle, Obama (I no tell you?) has been into charity work siiince forever. now the bros na President of the world.

Start small. Even if na to volunteer to give career talk for ya high school. All join.

My charge?
Wetin you do for your society?
Do something for your society.
Give back to the community.
Enjoy life but, LIVE AND HELP LIVE.

Safe

NATIONAL 'CRASE ...

2009-01-17T07:20:00.001+01:00

Yeah! Where was I?...
The other taxi emptied as the occupants filed out. Ol boy, Lagos na wah o.
How dem take squeeze enter the taxi sef?
Anyways, I asked the women to let the screaming one go, the men all said if they let her out of the taxi she'll run, I replied that I would do the same too, to which one of the men ( the two men save the taxi man had serious cases of tribal marks) started crying!
See me see wonder; my rational mind discharged the guy sharp sharp say if he get something to say he should and not attempt any emotional blackmail... By this time, a crowd had gathered
The gist according to Mr cry: " he was on night duty whennhis neighbours called to say his wife had been 'mis-yarning' since day break and he should come home to take her for help. Which is why they were in the taxi headed for ikeja.
Being a Gidi-born-bred Bobo, I no believe am. Especially with that crying-runs.
So I retorted " iF her head no well, then you are going in the wrong direction. Yaba Psychiatric hospital is in the other direction"
The other man said they were going to their pastor to pray for her. At this, the woman started shouting " it's a lie o. Check their phone, look through their phones and you'll see the numbers of at least five pastors who need me and have asked for me. They want to use me for money"
Okay, now this is really getting interesting.
One of the other women who bore a striking resemblance to the subject woman ( henceforth Crazily Hysterical Woman CHW)
turned to me and introduced herself as CHW's older sister, the other woman as CHW's concerned neighbour, the men as CHW's husband and his brother and the kids as CHW's.
I dismissed all of that with a wave and asked if kindred meant my brother couldn't hurt me.
The crowd had now become sizeable- nigerians love drama!
I directed one of the onlookers to open the door for CHW; she made as if she wanted to make a dash for it- so I held her arm "madam, I need you to calm down and talk to me".
Now out of the car, CHW kept pushing and wanted to be free.
Man, talk about hysterical, she was really high strung. I repeated that she needed to calm down and talk to me to which she said she will talk to me "oga, na you save me today, why I no go talk to you?". She repeated the stories she had been saying and ended with her home address saying she's not mad o.
All the while she was talking, she kept squirming, trying to break free of the guy holding her. That was when I noticed the guy had a grin on his face- he seemed to be having a field day smooching the woman in the guise of restraining her.
na wah o. I went to hold her myself and asked the Perv to shift.
We asked her to identify the people with her-she refused and later affirmed that she knew them. She kept Pushing to get away and I nearly lost my hold on her when her body odor hit me.
I asked her to sit in the car and she resumed her plea- asking not to be left with the evil people.
All efforts to calm the woman down didn't work amd her story started springing holes . One by one our convictions that she was well started evaporating.
We had to force her back into the taxi when she attempted to run- took 3 men to get her inside ( I didn't let them man-handle her).
One of the onlookers identified himself as a plain clothes police man and assured her she'll be OK. My taxi man checked out the taxi park sticker on the taxi for authenticity, interrogated the taxi driver and related to me that the man was clean.
Nonetheless, I took a picture of them all and the taxi plate number. Took Mr Cry's phone and used it to call mine - to get their phone number and promised to call later to know how far...
Mmmm
My taxi man was real proud of me and I could see the joys in his eyes of being part of something big- of course he still collected his fare
Funny enough, my flight had been delayed. Heaven smiling down on me?
Of course, I felt good.
:-)
ONE LOVE.

NATIONAL 'CRASE'

2009-01-16T07:37:00.001+01:00

So I wake up, do do and I'M heading for the airport. Only thing on my mind is "Dont miss your flight"
Around Maryland, my taxi man says something about some people fighting in another taxi- I thot that was rather curious and looked.
Ok and behold, the was a tightly packed taxi ahead of us with a rather young and pretty looking fair complexion woman sticking her head out screaming " HELP, HELP NIGERIA HELP ME O...!"
On-lookers just kept looking on; a 'MOPO' passed by smiling stupidly at the woman; no one was saying anything, nothing- while the woman kept shouting herself hoarse. IN BROAD DAY LIGHT!
Omo, perplexion gripped me, 'What is this?!', what sort of crap is our country turning into? Is this not madness? How can such a thing as this be unfolding right before our eyes and we'd do nada about it!
What if it's true and she's been kidnapped? What if there's some other story to it? What if...
I asked my taxi man to drive up close to them. Another woman in the taxi on seeing us approach started telling us "I'm her sister, she's not well...". Of course, the main woman kept refuting the claim saying " Its a lie o, they want to use me for money. Help me o. I'm a Nigerian, igalla by tribe, I live in Bariga # street . Help me o Nigeria .
Hmmm
Aggresion took me; what if tie my own sister, wife, mother, daughter or just friend who was in such an ordeal...
My taxi man say make we block them? I said yes and thot 'heck! There goes my flight'
We corner them by Sheraton hotel- Bond style (thank you thank you); in a flash I was out and demanded them all to come out. I think my Arnold chest startled them ( lol), I quickly took a count, 3 men, 3 women, 4 kids. I can take out the first man with a right hook - or two-rush the next into the body of the cab and hope my taxi man has a spanner or something to clobber with. Within my split second evaluation, I also kept an eye on my taxi man; make the man no take off with my load ( ol boy, na gidi we dey o- anything can happen- all of this could be an elaborate scam. Abi?!
Anyways, I was determined to do something in my own lil way to challenge this national crase wey dey make us shy from a good cause..
Meanwhile, gotta run. Will finish the yarn later.
One love.

Lagbajasky and body clock

2008-11-29T10:22:00.000+01:00

So I carry myself and some family peeps go lagbaja yesterday.
(Not minding the fact that I had an investment meet for 8am and a performance review for another ongoing investment for 12 noon saturday)
You no fit to blame e ooo...na "Lagbajasky" we dey yarn here.
And man! its been like last since the bros performed, actually na february.
Got home like 6ish, crashed immediately and woke up an hour later promptly.
E be like say make I dey cry...this body clock thing wey no dey let man pickin sleep pass seven o clock.
If I sleep early...5 am is 'eyes-wide-awake time', sleep late? na 7. Of which if the early sef too early, after 5 hours of sleep i enter the EWA mode.
I vex somebody? If na you abeg, forgive me ehn?

Needless to say, I'm going to be completely useless this rest of the morn...typing sef is becoming blurry...but was it worth it?
For Lagbajay?
Heck it was.
(moreover, after all the deals of this past 2 weeks, man pickin deserves to let im hair down)
...safe

Bitter Sweet with Obasanjo

2008-11-28T01:29:00.000+01:00

So today o, after my business meeting, I sauntered into my favorite gadget shop only to find sitting in hard and soft covers copies of Oluremi Obasanjo's book "Bitter-Sweet; My life with Obasanjo"
mmm, you say?
FIrst question in my mind was...'who cares'
We've heard enough about the bros to last 2 generations and taint the third...
Next question was...'Whats her objective?'
Vengeance, attention craving, sympathy, book royalty or just plain lack of something better to do?
Dunno.
The book is definitely not for me, maybe a nollywood fan may find it interesting...OBJ seeminglya rather formidable cache of drama.
As for me...at @NGN2,000...I'd rather buy another memory card.
Safe

Awa de

2008-11-28T00:55:00.000+01:00

Omo Iya,
Man Cee in the house...
Lemme hear you say 'yeah, yeah'.
Cee BABA, ua welicom.
:D