Shaggy and Sons...Mama Shaggy Visits (1)

Shaggy's mum once came visiting! Apparently, the woman had not seen him for while and was missing her son. Nothing wrong with that shay?
Well so we thot till the 'logistics' dawned us.
Salir randomly asked if we needed to 'prepare' for mumsie's coming and the thot appealed to my 'inner consultant', so I fired up my laptop, hooked the display up to our 25"tv nd commenced deliberations.
AGENDA
(1)House keeping
(2)Bedroom space
(3)Tour packages
(4)Tv programmes scheduling and how they affect Video Gaming
(5)Parties/Gigs scheduled 4 that week
(6)Chics
(7)AOB

Soo, housekeeping.
It was obvious that our bi-weekly pseudo cleaning effort wont fly. To our credit, we had a timetable, we cleaned every other saturday . Why we didnt do it more often? We all agreed that the important thing was the regularity. Salir NEVER faltered. I've been known to have a few excuses but Shaggy ALWAYS had his done.
Regularly.
By different chics.
After which, he - in his words- rewards them.
In kind of course.
He called it a 'classic symbiosis'.
Needless to say , Shaggy's Super Saturdays were our cleanest, of cos he'd claim the bragging rights too-fair enof.
He however, made up for this by being the most untidy of us three.
Yours truly was "Cleanest" (lol)...by male standards.

The resolution here was obvious-
Henceforth, cleaning is every saturday. Every saturday is Shaggy's Super Saturday- for a month before his mum's coming. Upon her arrival, we guys will take over. No more chics allowed.


Bedroom space. This was a no brainer-She gets one room, we guys hunker in the other room and spill over into the sitting room-as usual.


Sight seeing tours. We agreed that to keep the Ol lady out of our biz, we needed diversions. She needed tours such that she'll be too tired in the evenings to bother us all too much. We were especially scared of being preached at. Of cos, Shaggy's trips had to be on hold, else the stupid boy would have conveniently structured a week long facility inspection to some remote location or the other. Plan was we'll take turns and of cos, we all had to go to a church with her. We agreed my church was the preferable, it was big enof for us to claim anonymity and I had attended church enof to be known by a handful of ppl who we could stop and make small talk with after church to simulate 'after service fraternization'. I could see the Ol lady's nod of approval already...(snicker)


TV. If above tours plans dont work out...we all knew what that meant, the tv would be 'in the line of fire'. She was liable to hold us ransom to some local boring programme or the other OR even more scary, we could be made to watch an online church service with her. With this in mind, I installed an application on my phone which would 'call' me at a set time so I'll pretend to need to go outside to talk. No, I ddnt mention it to them-if we all had it, its efficacy very easily be compromised. There was the suggestion of buying a tv for her room so she wont come out at all. Shaggy reminded us that she was waay too social for that to work. Plonck! There goes another great idea down the drain... (sigh).
Video games were definitely NOT going to fly...we evaluated them and ALL was 18+. Too much gore or too much display of 'chic-ly anatomy'


Parties and gigs were out of it. You DONT want to provoke a Christ Apostolic Church woman into forcing you to a night vigil session. NO SIR! you absolutely DONT.


Babes?
For above reason, visits were to be AGGRESIVELY monitored and censored.
Of cos, NO MORE CHICS' SLEEP OVER. Shaggy muttered something about feelings of 'castration'.
Lol. This was going to be fun.
I mentioned I was looking forward to seeing Shaggy go thru withdrawal symptoms.
He looked like he wanted to call the trip off, say he had to travel outta town or something. Problem was, we ALL wanted the woman over!!!


Then you'll rightly ask
So with ALL these potential disruption to our 'well structured and organised lives' Why didnt we just vote the proposed visit down?


Well...because we are guys and though it is often opined that the path to the male heart is sometimes the **** (cough), believe me, the palate is always a winner.

Home cooked mealies, done by a real life old dame? I'm sorry but few chics can cook the way our mamas do it...

We were all agreed on that one.
QED

My I WISH LISTING

MY "I WISH LIST"

I wish America were a person, so I could break his legs. Crush actually. The idea is that he'd stay home, mind his business, stop eyeing the neighbour's goodies and quit sacrificing its young people's life just to maintain the image of 'Global Super Power'.

I wish I could poke out Osama's eyes and infest his yansh with a thousand afghan flies. Such that he can't stay hidden as the flies always seek him out and he can't stay in the open coz no one'll take him serious

I wish sex wasnt such a taboo such that it'll be hard to tempt 15year olds with the promise of a reward of 60 virgins in 'paradise'

Lets have some sex education folks. The young idiot above'll then know that he's better off with 2 sluts who know what the 'efff' they are doing...

I wish there'll be no more sickness in the world so that doctors'll be broke and that guy dragging babe with me go lose small lustre. Lol

I wish people'll stop saying I'm nice. It gets kinda annoying you see...

I wish I never broke up with my first girlfriend. We went out for almost 2 yrs. That woman showed me umconditional love. I think I still measure other girls by her. No, we never did 'it'

I wish everyone in the world is uncolored and transparent-then there'll be no color hating. AND you could see a chic's heart racing when you're hitting the x-spot. Lol.

I wish we never had to eat, then most of the sufferings and robberies in the world'll be gone. Sorry guys, that means chics wont dig the guy with the fatest wallet anymore...we'll all have to pay more attention to our lyrics...

I wish boobs dont grab my attention so. Then my NEXT girlfriend wont leave me saying I never talk to her only to her chest! As if her chest is on someone else...?!

I wish churches and mosques would pull down all of their public address horns. Damn ! Guys, those things are torture on your neighbors. What would Jesus or Mohammed do?

I wish my father had told me about pleasing women -he was a chronic Playa- instead of asking me to be a good boy...D'uh!
FYI father mine- I found out-and excelled. Lol

Shaggy and Sons...The Introduction

I once used to live in a block of flats. My floor had 2 flats, I occupied one. I always had friends come around, passing the night, staying for the week (till its end sometimes). 2 friends, Shaggy and Salir became more permanent 'squatters'. I appreciated the company most times and got to expand my own network of 'friends'.

No, they werent paying rent-I guess the thot never occured to me. We just hung out.

Most guys like to think we would do any babe that offers 'it' anytime, any where. While most of us kept this as just components of out private thots and material for more salacious arguements, Shaggy actually lived the creed!

I once told him that his programming seemed to read like this;

Start Command
"Does it wear a skirt?"
If 'yes',
Shag it and brag about it
If 'No', Convince it to wear a skirt
Then,
Go to start command.

That was Shaggy. His job made him travel quite a bit, which was why he didnt get a place of his own back then...No need to. Anyways I wasnt complaining.

And yeah, Shaggy had this "Big Dog" Theory (more on this later) that it is "imperative for any self- respecting Dog to mark territory, even if he is just passing through...for a night".

During one of those lazy weekends, gist went round to how many time each of us had 'done it' ( No, doing it with the same girl counted for only quarter the mark, lol)...Yeah, I know, there should be a law against young men having too much free time on their hands, esp on week ends. The result of that poll is gist for another blog.

Shaggy ranked high of course. So I idly asked him how many times in all those had he used a condom...He looked at me like I was from some alternate dimension or something.

"Why would I wanna do that?".

"Flesh to Flesh Is Best", he told me.

I couldn't believe it!

We went into an extensive debate on that one , till the guy agreed with our point of view.

To punish him, however, we wrote on ALL his stuff "SHAGGY AND SONS"

...In honor of ALL the possible children he has all over the country where he has 'marked territory' ...which he probably isnt aware of. The prospect of this sobered him for a few days, but there was no way in 10,000 galaxies that we were going to let him get over it without poking fun. (Sure, its a guy thing)

(maybe I'll post a picture of him and you just may be able to identify a few of those lil people in your area...)

SHAGGY IS MARRIED!!!

Shaggy is married!!!

I dont believe it..
You wouldn't either, if you knew my guy Shaggy.
Shaggy?!
Married-You almost want to ask "Who is the blind brainless girl"
You might even want to feel sorry for her, or not.

Okay , okay...I'll tell you the full gist
In honor of Shaggy-the one I used to know and the man he has become, I've decided to blog about some of Shaggy's escapades. Some I witnessed, others I was told, either by him, admirers and his haters.
Shaggy oh, Shaggy

Wonders shall never end.
Shay?

Be on the look-out, if you will for
"SHAGGY AND SONS"

EXTRANEOUS

'You really are a nice guy'

'You must have me confused..'

'Stop being modest, what you did was really nice'

'I dont think so, else I wouldn't have'

'You are such a curious fellow'

"You are kidding me'

'Am I bugging you ..?'

'Yes you are, didnt know how to say it earlier'

'Yeah right, and what will my Lord rather be doing?'

'Dont know what your Lord has to do now, but I've got some wanking to do'

You mean...! OMG, you cant be serious'

'You really are bent on being an irritant , aren't you?'

'But thats so self-demeaning..., how can you...you shouldn't'

Under the sofa, a 'dirty' Mag surfaces

The bathroom door closes'

<'Damn neighbour's sister'>

'

Thumbed thru some pages,

Eyes closed,

lubrication is in order

and the 'To' et 'Fro'

Felt the appendage touch something warm

Eyes opened

Sees the reflection in the medicine box mirror"

<'Father!', what great knockers...>"

Felt the cleavage assailing his back

The hand easing his off the woody

With alarmingly pleasurable pulsations.

''

He opens the medicine box

Out comes one from the pack of three...

This is definitely NOT the time for words.

'"

<'Who would have thought...!'>

TAKE A BREAK

Two guys in a life raft in the middle of the ocean

One sees an old bottle floating.

He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out.
The genie says,

"For letting me out, I will grant you one wish."
The guy says, (without thinking)

"Turn thisocean into beer".

And the ocean turns into the best beer anybody has ever tasted.
The second guy says to the first,

"You idiot,now we'll have to piss in the boat"

...........................................................
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women

................................................

Q. How many times can you subtract the number 5from 25?
A. Only once, then you are subtracting it from 20

...............................................

Why don't blondes get coffee breaks at work?
Because retraining costs too much

.............................................................
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She wanted to Make-Up her mind

.....................................................

How many civil servants does it taketo change a light bulb?

45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do thepaperwork

..........................

Before you find your handsome prince,

you've gotto kiss a lot of frogs

.....................

A man was walking along the beach and found abottle.

He looked around and didn't see anyone sohe opened it.

A genie appeared and thanked the manfor letting him out.

The genie said,

"For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one.

"The man thought for a minute and said,

"I havealways wanted to go to Hawaii

but have never been able to because

I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill.

So, I wish for aroad to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie thought for a few minutes and said,

"No,I don't think I can do that.

Just think of all thework involved

with the pilings needed to hold upthe highway

and how deep they would have to be

to reach the bottom of the ocean.

Think of all thepavement that would be needed.

No, that's just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie,

"There is one other thing that I havealways wanted.

I would like to be able tounderstand women.

What makes them laugh and cry,

why are they temperamental,

why are they sodifficult to get along with?

Basically, what makes them tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said,

"So, do you want two lanes or four?".

...........................................

ONE LOVE

:-)

The Bargain Store

A friend has just been jilted by his fiancee for a richer guy-imagine!
When we were already rejoicing about the opportunity to 'partee'. (So much for our stupendous Bach-Eve. Okay o maybe I'll post the full story l8r)

Now I'm worried for my guy, he wants to go into the world with a vengeance.

There's so much hurt in the world; senseless hurt, yes.
The greatest tragedy , though, is when we keep re-feeling the hurt.

Today's Adonis may be tomorrow's Wonky and hurt us (or not). There is always a cycle of hurt to be broken by us all who have ever attempted love (or like..lol).

People get hurt and react in diverse ways.
Sometimes we say "Chei! I've learnt" "I no know how to deal with such and such".

Yeah right.

YOU ARE HURT and need to get rid of the hurt before you start liking someone else again.
ELSE? you'll be hurt again and it might just be your fault this time for not being whole before mingling again.

Dolly (God bless her and her ....), says it very well below.

The part that I think is most important in this song is the part of opening up, esp by someone who's been hurt before before, a la ..."...The bargain store is open, COME INSIDE".

One love...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Artist: Dolly Parton
Album: Vol. 2-essential
Title: The Bargain Store


My life is like unto a bargain store
And i may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
But with a little mending it could be as good as new

Why you take for instance this old broken heart
If you will just replace the missing parts
You would be surprised to find how good it really is
Take it and you never will be sorry that you did

The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And i will guarantee you'll be completely satisfied

Take these old used memories from the past
And these broken dreams and plans that didn't last
I'll trade them for a future, i can't use them anymore
I've wasted love but i still have some more

The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And i can guarantee you'll be completely satisfied

My life is like unto a bargain store
And i may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
With a little mendin' it could be as good as new

The bargain store is open, come inside
The bargain store is open, come inside

(Dolly Parton-Copyrighted; Not for commercial use)