Monday, August 3, 2009

TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE (1)

Tis silly the kind of things one remembers, but I’ll never forget the ending of her last letter to me

"With Love,

Chine ABC,
The girl who came, who saw and conquered your story-loveable heart"

I never quite got round to asking her what 'story loveable heart' meant *sigh*. I guess its too late now-she's 6 years married with 2 boys; her 'soldiers' she calls them. *chuckle*

We met at an extra coaching school I enrolled in with my gang in SS3. My gang planned to maintain a low profile but we started answering too many questions correctly. Suddenly, our gang of skin-headed lads in neatly ironed white starched uniforms who kept to themselves became quite an item. Even if I say so myself, our mix of brains and brawl was unusual. She came after me, I guess she noticed.

I tried to push her away but was captivated by her bright mind. She stuck on me and I learnt love from her.

She was the 'Head Chic In Charge' of the clique from her school. I led mine. It was a natural fit. Did I mention she had a genuinely bright mind? And quite pretty too. veeery long hair, almost my height. She had a deep throat laughter which always sounded like music and had a way of looking at me. When shes mad at me, she'd call my full name-lol, then I'd know something was amiss. She loved me; more than I understood love.

She used to call me her soul mate (!). We got same JAMB scores for the same course in different universities! She believed in me way more than I did me.

We were together for 2 years plus. We split during our second years in the university.

Why? I think I was just being older than my age. I went to her school and asked what we were doing with the relationship. Where do we plan to take it to-she is from across the Niger. I said I was ready to fight my parents if need be, were they to oppose our being together. She said she couldn’t go against her mum's wish. She is an only daughter of 6 kids.

I said we couldn’t go ahead then as it was just a waste of time. She did try to reach me but I wouldn’t let her. I ached for almost a year over the choice. I decided I loved her enough to make the sacrifice of letting her go. I did not want to waste her time I said to myself; afteral everyone knows women tend to age faster than the males. I wanted her to be able to open up to someone else (who she could have a future with) and all.

I ran into her on her fifth wedding anniversary at an eatery.. We reminisced for like 2 hrs catching up. She wasn’t exactly happy with her life. She asked me why we didn’t just elope back then. I refrained from saying "hunger might have killed our asses". I didn’t encourage the thought though, changed the topic and offered to drop her off at her destination.

I would have loved to still be able to call her up, go to her house and just gist. Meet her husband (who by the way is much older than us), buy gifts for her 'soilders', and generally hang out but I don’t trust that that will do anyone any good.

Fine girl, you became a standard in many ways. For me, you are the first. You occupy a part of me that can never be replaced. I'll always think of you fondly.

ps: We never did 'it'.

35 comments:

  1. awwwww.. how cute! Well, I wonder why she isn't happy with her life.

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  2. omgosh this made me go awwww in real life. true love is selfless; that you recognized this at that age is quite an amazing thing for a guy. i wonder if she had a blog, what would she say about you?

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  3. Awww!! One can't help but wonder sometimes where one would be had different choices been made. Catch 22 of sorts. It's kinda sad she isnt happy with her life. I hope you are happy with yours.

    I'll look out for (2)...

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  4. Awwwww first love. Glad to see you back ;)

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  5. >>Nice Anon
    I sincerely dont believe she married for love. Nor compatibility either.maybe security. But its definitely not something I will ever dare ask. Plus she met the bros months after me and by the next year...trad wedding. I wanted to ask if she knew what she was doing, but the chasm I had created was already too wide...

    >>Miss fab
    I dunno. But I dont wanna ask her either. But I believe she still loves that schoolboy she loved which is why I'm soooo keeping my distance. No calls, no email..not even facebook. lol

    >>Rep ONE
    Thanx for checking me out, sorry ,my blog. lol. I have my own stories, triumphs and regrets but hey! whats done is done. I tell myself each "man, just keep going forward".lol
    as much as that is possible.

    >>Caramel Sweety
    Thanx ma'am. gr8 to be back.
    :)

    Thanx y'all

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  6. HOLD UP....you're a floreat dude?

    Oh mehn...THIS is what I never want to look back on my life and feel mehn! SHIT! NO NO NO!

    forgive me for bein hysterical mehn but this ur story hit a raw nerve mehn...no vex o egbon mi...

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  7. Lol@ Chari. Dude u need to calm down.
    Mancee..AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
    You asked her where the relationship was going?
    EEYAH!
    How adorable!

    If I wasnt such a damn cynic I would actually have a tear in my eye.


    So come why are u still single biko???
    (if indeed you are single)

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  8. Preachhhhhhhh@ Fabulo-la. You are still single after all these.. Let both of us wait for the answer you hear.

    @ your reply to me. .. I don't know why people rush into things right after. Not a good look.

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  9. awww!! how sweet....i wish you guys had stayed together. but God knows best! I can feel your fondness of her just by reading your words... its really moving.

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  10. TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE (1)
    I love this title-actually there is a similar poem by a Def poet whose name i forget called "TO ALL THE BOYS IVE LOVED PART ONE" - youtube it.Peace

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  11. Got a similar story too; chic is married now, dropped a BBB last feb. And like u i'm keeping my distance too. Thing is, she calls and asks why i don't call back; talk about JAMB questn.

    @"u didn't do it"; i'm real proud of u man!

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  12. awwwwwwwwwww! this is totally cute.. however do stay away from her! it will not lead to anything good!

    dont worry... something awesome is around the corner!

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  13. A beautiful thing..

    Nostalgia, that is..

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  14. Such sweet innocent love...,

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  15. see this guy!! after insulting my "drama" u come up with THIS mushy stuff? DUDE i am SO on your case from now on!!

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  16. awww this was cute...what if huh?

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  17. >>Chari
    which one be 'egbon' for this matter? carry time o.lol.
    U remind me of a promise I made to myself in the Univ 'It'll never be said of me that I loved someone and never told her'. All in a bid to avoid looking back and regretting...

    >>Miss Natural
    lol. *wink*

    >>Fabulo-la + Nice Anon
    WHY? Because shit happens. Thats why!
    I'm so single, instead of hearing 'singular and plural', it may become 'mancee and plural'. Lol
    ps:sometimes I wonder maybe I shouldnt ahve asked her and just let things cruise-I've always been plagued by this (sometimes) annoying sense of purpose

    >>Honeywell
    Sshh...dont tell her o, else I'll deny it vehemently.lol.
    Thanks Honey

    >>Robyn
    Thanks man, but its no longer on youtube!!!
    I'm getting it else where though...

    >>Kay9
    Good decision bro.
    lol @ JAMB question.
    When a person gets 'taken', best to just step o.
    @Not doing it...tis funny each time I say this, but 'it didnt occur to us to', at least not me!!! curious isnt it?

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  18. >>Tyger
    Thanx dearie ;)

    >>RocNaija
    Yeah beautiful...though it has a way of tainting the present-IF allowed

    >>leggy
    *chuckle*
    You ARE back...how did the trip go?

    >>Phoenix
    *sigh*
    yeah...sweet innocence


    >>incoherent
    lol. Be gentle ma'am. But meehn, I avoid drama in real life like a plague o. Like a plague I say

    >>uNWritten
    Yeah, what effing 'IF'.

    Mon people, thanks for stopping by out of the multitude :)
    The mancee appreciates y'all.
    Safe

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  19. snicker( sticking out tongue) in igbo..mmmmmmeeeeee:P

    awwwwww this is sooooo cute , wish it had a happy ending...yes even the cynic has a heart Mr i want to argue with CC for no reason. u and your dodgy studies...at least this one was real and i suppose an exception since she cldnt possible be beautiful and intelligent all at once...hmmmm? ...


    since u wanted to start wit me, HERE I AM......goodluck tryin to reverse this...off to go update myself on your archives....

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  20. Awww..and the fact that you never did "it" makes it all the more bittersweet..sigh..

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  21. MAnCee you havent answered the question o!
    This is some serious sheeet! that is happening to u o!
    Biko! How can a man be spitting lyrics like this and be single?
    Infact let me get on Blogorattis case to..lol
    Ahn ahn....

    Something must be done...
    *plots secretly to expose the lyrically seducing machine that is ManCee*
    lol

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  22. LOL hahahahahaahah Fabulo-la.. make you leave these men alone na. * me i wan know too*

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  23. wait! u r still single? wow!
    awww...@we never did 'it'

    Fabulo-la and Nice Anon: smh...but me i wanna know too.

    First time here

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  24. The nostalgia of first love. It's something they say u never forget.
    I hope she finds happiness sha.
    First time here.

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  25. why you wanna do this to me man? now you got me traveling down memory lane. yes, she too is married. she's married.

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  26. Aww this is too sweet... It's probably best not to communicate feelings like this are too strong to completely go away.

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  27. dang!!! so here i am thinking right now i'm that girl a certain guy loved so much he decided to make the sacrifice to let me go.... Doesnt give me no happiness and now i've reached the point of no longer reaching out to him but still loving him... He's just recently started calling me again as "friends" but i dont know how this will play out or if the play shall continue or not coz there's nothing more i can do or say...

    U shall'nt remain single for long, thats my premonition :)

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  28. >>Culture Chic
    lol
    Nne, she (at least her memory) is beyond reproach. I'm sorry but she's one of the exceptions. If its any consolation-I've found out more though since then
    :p

    >>Buttercup
    Lol...Nah! I think it added to the illusion of 'passion -unfinished' WHICH makes letting go harder. *wink*

    >>Fabulo-la
    *chucle*
    You paint Mancee larger than life o.
    expose?...Nne, be gentle now...*chuckle*

    >>Nice A
    *chuckle*
    You are supposed to be containing Fabulo-la. lol
    MAYBE we'll all find out at the end of this 'series' *wink*

    >>Chayoma
    Tanx :-)

    >>Rene
    First time here?!
    'Clang clang clang...', there goes the bell of blessing for you
    :-)

    >>'sola
    I pray so too...
    The bell of blessing peals for you too...Thanks for coming
    :-)

    >>Muse
    lol
    Calm down bro...take a deep breath, let it out slowly...slowly let it go, slowly, ...let her go...
    *wink*

    >>Suru
    Well...thats the price you pay for loving deeply...I still think its worth it though.
    :-)

    >>Lil Missy
    Hmmm
    I think he still likes you but is trying to sound intelligent and future-minded (and all that crap).
    This sorta arrangement can hold you both from enjoying very good relationships with other people too. Best nip it and accept that if you guys still love each other, tis best to either get back or put a big rift between you and go find yourself a 're-bound guy' whose heart to break
    *evil wide toothed mancee laughter*

    Thanks dear dear ppl for coming. My new fellas...appreciate y'all much.

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  29. >>Sunnyside
    lol

    Thanx for stopping by. 'ppreciate it.

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  30. "I didn’t encourage the thought though,..." do, and 'twould have been the beginning of the end.

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  31. Awww that is beyond cute! And so good of u not to reminisce so hard that it became a problem in her life if u c what I mean. Nice

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Talk make I hear...