Thursday, April 30, 2009


Tears sear,yeah
Tears cleanse, hence
Tears were made,to aid
Humans' journey thru life

I am a man,
I need not prove it to anyone
But I refuse
To be caused tears by anyone

If I cry, when I do

Twill be merely for release
To help ManCee's journey thru life


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Shaggy and Sons- Mama Shaggy Visits2-The chronicles


We go to pick up mama Shaggy today at the park.
We take one last look around...

Flat neatly arranged-check
No stray playboy et al lying anywhere-check
All such publications as above moved outta the house-check
Christian picture on sitting room wall-check, check
Sticker on outer door saying 'I'm a winner'- double check

Bus arrives 3pm-we've been there since 2:30.
Her route is announced, we meet, we're introduced. I get special mention and hug as the 'landlord'
Did I mention the prayers too. We left early enof to avoid rush hour. We offer mama some re-heated food still in take away pack from TFC- (Yeah I know, we were just incorrigible)

She's appalled!

"Is this how you boys live?" she queries. We ALL shrug like whats she talking about?!

"Unacceptable", she declared, bringing out some pre-cooked stew +soup from used bournvita cans.

She empties these into our sole 2 pots and kept the rest in the refridgerator
"Tomorrow", she dictated 'we go to the market'
"Yes ma", we nodded obediently, .
Secretly patting each other on the back-'high performance, delivered-great planning guys'
She wisks some dinner up for the boyz and goes to sleep after a bath.

...Mouths reeking of locust beans, tummies rotund from myriads of boluses, we sit idly in the sitting room, legs draped over various pieces of furniture, wondering if we could have mama on retainership.

Plates washing and kitchen cleaning, we sleep and thus went the first day


Ps: OMG, None of us remembered it was a Friday night…


Day 2

Bodyclock ALWAYS wakes me at 5am. Prompt!
At about 'wake up time', my mind registered a shuffling past our door. I was sleeping on the rug; nearer to the door and could make out mutterings. Mama was up, about and praying. I smiled, nostalgia, I'm suddenly thinking of my mum. *sigh
Call Mama Mancee in the morn

Morning rituals-water drinking, 'shaiting', pushups, crunches, bathing. I launch 'operation 'MEGA SUCK UP' and join mama Shaggy in the kitchen.

She's pleasantly surprised to see me.

I asked if she slept well, 'very well' she said. She fired me some early morn prayers while I lapped it all up...


She asked about the others, told her they were still dozing. I saw her brief look of dis-approval as she glanced at the kitchen clock 5:45.

We chit chat about this and that-me being careful NOT to be drawn into any 'churchy' conversation except to mention my mum and her churchy ways...Mama is impressed.
Man, have I scored or what? I can already see the size of MY meat growing as we chatted. lol.

The more we talked, the more I wondered how it was that Shaggy was born of this same woman !!! The more I saw the potential for this visit going wrong. Wharaheck! I decided to focus on the potential gratification at hand.

Tis Saturday, I had to go to the office. ( actually Salir and I had scheduled to be away today to avoid possibly going to the market with her, *snicker). Shaggy of course couldn’t be away.

We had told him it would be quality time to catch up on Mama-Son gist. The look on his face was priceless…he looked like he had just been pierced in the heart and the lance was being twisted back and forth. lol

Breakfast was better than dinner, I swear! Jeez, I could get used to this.
Of course, we’ll be back in time for lunch.
Of course.

Chic I marry MUST know how to cook first, a close second being shag-ability...(we'll need plenty work outs to keep the pot belle at bay, innit?)


Monday, April 20, 2009

Shaggy and Sons...Mama Shaggy Visits (1)

Shaggy's mum once came visiting! Apparently, the woman had not seen him for while and was missing her son. Nothing wrong with that shay?
Well so we thot till the 'logistics' dawned us.
Salir randomly asked if we needed to 'prepare' for mumsie's coming and the thot appealed to my 'inner consultant', so I fired up my laptop, hooked the display up to our 25"tv nd commenced deliberations.
(1)House keeping
(2)Bedroom space
(3)Tour packages
(4)Tv programmes scheduling and how they affect Video Gaming
(5)Parties/Gigs scheduled 4 that week

Soo, housekeeping.
It was obvious that our bi-weekly pseudo cleaning effort wont fly. To our credit, we had a timetable, we cleaned every other saturday . Why we didnt do it more often? We all agreed that the important thing was the regularity. Salir NEVER faltered. I've been known to have a few excuses but Shaggy ALWAYS had his done.
By different chics.
After which, he - in his words- rewards them.
In kind of course.
He called it a 'classic symbiosis'.
Needless to say , Shaggy's Super Saturdays were our cleanest, of cos he'd claim the bragging rights too-fair enof.
He however, made up for this by being the most untidy of us three.
Yours truly was "Cleanest" (lol) male standards.

The resolution here was obvious-
Henceforth, cleaning is every saturday. Every saturday is Shaggy's Super Saturday- for a month before his mum's coming. Upon her arrival, we guys will take over. No more chics allowed.

Bedroom space. This was a no brainer-She gets one room, we guys hunker in the other room and spill over into the sitting room-as usual.

Sight seeing tours. We agreed that to keep the Ol lady out of our biz, we needed diversions. She needed tours such that she'll be too tired in the evenings to bother us all too much. We were especially scared of being preached at. Of cos, Shaggy's trips had to be on hold, else the stupid boy would have conveniently structured a week long facility inspection to some remote location or the other. Plan was we'll take turns and of cos, we all had to go to a church with her. We agreed my church was the preferable, it was big enof for us to claim anonymity and I had attended church enof to be known by a handful of ppl who we could stop and make small talk with after church to simulate 'after service fraternization'. I could see the Ol lady's nod of approval already...(snicker)

TV. If above tours plans dont work out...we all knew what that meant, the tv would be 'in the line of fire'. She was liable to hold us ransom to some local boring programme or the other OR even more scary, we could be made to watch an online church service with her. With this in mind, I installed an application on my phone which would 'call' me at a set time so I'll pretend to need to go outside to talk. No, I ddnt mention it to them-if we all had it, its efficacy very easily be compromised. There was the suggestion of buying a tv for her room so she wont come out at all. Shaggy reminded us that she was waay too social for that to work. Plonck! There goes another great idea down the drain... (sigh).
Video games were definitely NOT going to fly...we evaluated them and ALL was 18+. Too much gore or too much display of 'chic-ly anatomy'

Parties and gigs were out of it. You DONT want to provoke a Christ Apostolic Church woman into forcing you to a night vigil session. NO SIR! you absolutely DONT.

For above reason, visits were to be AGGRESIVELY monitored and censored.
Of cos, NO MORE CHICS' SLEEP OVER. Shaggy muttered something about feelings of 'castration'.
Lol. This was going to be fun.
I mentioned I was looking forward to seeing Shaggy go thru withdrawal symptoms.
He looked like he wanted to call the trip off, say he had to travel outta town or something. Problem was, we ALL wanted the woman over!!!

Then you'll rightly ask
So with ALL these potential disruption to our 'well structured and organised lives' Why didnt we just vote the proposed visit down?

Well...because we are guys and though it is often opined that the path to the male heart is sometimes the **** (cough), believe me, the palate is always a winner.

Home cooked mealies, done by a real life old dame? I'm sorry but few chics can cook the way our mamas do it...

We were all agreed on that one.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009



I wish America were a person, so I could break his legs. Crush actually. The idea is that he'd stay home, mind his business, stop eyeing the neighbour's goodies and quit sacrificing its young people's life just to maintain the image of 'Global Super Power'.

I wish I could poke out Osama's eyes and infest his yansh with a thousand afghan flies. Such that he can't stay hidden as the flies always seek him out and he can't stay in the open coz no one'll take him serious

I wish sex wasnt such a taboo such that it'll be hard to tempt 15year olds with the promise of a reward of 60 virgins in 'paradise'

Lets have some sex education folks. The young idiot above'll then know that he's better off with 2 sluts who know what the 'efff' they are doing...

I wish there'll be no more sickness in the world so that doctors'll be broke and that guy dragging babe with me go lose small lustre. Lol

I wish people'll stop saying I'm nice. It gets kinda annoying you see...

I wish I never broke up with my first girlfriend. We went out for almost 2 yrs. That woman showed me umconditional love. I think I still measure other girls by her. No, we never did 'it'

I wish everyone in the world is uncolored and transparent-then there'll be no color hating. AND you could see a chic's heart racing when you're hitting the x-spot. Lol.

I wish we never had to eat, then most of the sufferings and robberies in the world'll be gone. Sorry guys, that means chics wont dig the guy with the fatest wallet anymore...we'll all have to pay more attention to our lyrics...

I wish boobs dont grab my attention so. Then my NEXT girlfriend wont leave me saying I never talk to her only to her chest! As if her chest is on someone else...?!

I wish churches and mosques would pull down all of their public address horns. Damn ! Guys, those things are torture on your neighbors. What would Jesus or Mohammed do?

I wish my father had told me about pleasing women -he was a chronic Playa- instead of asking me to be a good boy...D'uh!
FYI father mine- I found out-and excelled. Lol

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Shaggy and Sons...The Introduction

I once used to live in a block of flats. My floor had 2 flats, I occupied one. I always had friends come around, passing the night, staying for the week (till its end sometimes). 2 friends, Shaggy and Salir became more permanent 'squatters'. I appreciated the company most times and got to expand my own network of 'friends'.

No, they werent paying rent-I guess the thot never occured to me. We just hung out.

Most guys like to think we would do any babe that offers 'it' anytime, any where. While most of us kept this as just components of out private thots and material for more salacious arguements, Shaggy actually lived the creed!

I once told him that his programming seemed to read like this;

Start Command
"Does it wear a skirt?"
If 'yes',
Shag it and brag about it
If 'No', Convince it to wear a skirt
Go to start command.

That was Shaggy. His job made him travel quite a bit, which was why he didnt get a place of his own back then...No need to. Anyways I wasnt complaining.

And yeah, Shaggy had this "Big Dog" Theory (more on this later) that it is "imperative for any self- respecting Dog to mark territory, even if he is just passing through...for a night".

During one of those lazy weekends, gist went round to how many time each of us had 'done it' ( No, doing it with the same girl counted for only quarter the mark, lol)...Yeah, I know, there should be a law against young men having too much free time on their hands, esp on week ends. The result of that poll is gist for another blog.

Shaggy ranked high of course. So I idly asked him how many times in all those had he used a condom...He looked at me like I was from some alternate dimension or something.

"Why would I wanna do that?".

"Flesh to Flesh Is Best", he told me.

I couldn't believe it!

We went into an extensive debate on that one , till the guy agreed with our point of view.

To punish him, however, we wrote on ALL his stuff "SHAGGY AND SONS"

...In honor of ALL the possible children he has all over the country where he has 'marked territory' ...which he probably isnt aware of. The prospect of this sobered him for a few days, but there was no way in 10,000 galaxies that we were going to let him get over it without poking fun. (Sure, its a guy thing)

(maybe I'll post a picture of him and you just may be able to identify a few of those lil people in your area...)