Sunday, June 21, 2009


(...inspired by a dear 8 month old charmer I had the pure joy of baby sitting for some hours)

Tired and hungry
I stumbled into the room
My bungling wakes her
And she turns her head
Realising my error, I freeze

She blinks on seeing my bulky frame

Her cheeks gather and I see the beginning of a smile
She smiles, Oh Lord! She smiles
Her legs thrashing in joy on seeing me
-My hunger disappears,
My weary frame is energized
I move to her and squat
By her side and tickle her chin

“Boo!”, I say , smiling too
She laughs out loud rocking her lithe body
The world is at peace and nothing else matters
Just the laughing beauty starring at me
I kiss her on the forehead with my beastly lips
She looks lovingly into my face
Her smiles soften my wizened gaze

Lord God!
How she makes my heart sing for joy

I lay my weary head besides hers
She’s babbling something I can’t quite make out
She reaches out and strokes my nose-smiling
Her touch says all she can ever say in words
I’m smiling-mirroring hers
God bless her soul
This lil Smiles Dispenser.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009


(from the archives; wrote sometimes back when I really believed a particular relationship had a future, inspite of all the drama ...ah! well)

There's a way you call my name
My breath pauses in amazement

When I see you
My heart skips many a beat

This still puts me in wonder-
How does the coconut gets its water
Our palms the hieroglyphics

None can claim full awareness
We met them so…and like them
Of all our truths, this much is proven
Friendship is our support
Relationships our cloak

We know the Queen by the glitter of her tiara
A chieftain is stood out by his beads
There's a star, nay, two
Whose twinkle stand you out of ten thousands

When you have no one behind you
One falls like a Lackadaisical
With you, I strut like a ruling king

Look at the hoe, see its sharpness
We are ready to heap the ridges
I have seen the vision, beautiful queen
Our homecoming with the bountiful harvest
We who were thought unable to pitch a tent
See how the midday sun bathes our palace

You are my One
Of course yam cant replace pounded yam
You are my cloak
Come love me once more Beloved
I’ll peel yam on the fire, and
My amala making will span the whole street
In this Lovu wantintin feferity.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


'ManCee, I told you that Beauty and the Beast yarn get plenty potentials'
'You no well, who gi you permission use the line sef'
'Ol boy, leave dat side...or you wan begin dey claim copyright?'
'ehen now, abi?'
'Okay, shebi na the proceed una go divide...givam one round with the V-Yansh now'
'Salir, you sef no well...'
We all laughed.
Much as you think you know Shaggy, the guy still manages to surprise you. If someone had said Shaggy would get a coitus offer and turn it down, I would have laughed the person down to hades and beneath. This is Shaggy, he NEVER discriminates.

'Meanwhile Shaggy, why you no wan do the girl sef...?'
'Mancee, Me? I no fit o. What if I do finish and she no come gree go again. I no wan makesomebody dey come cry for my head say I do am evil o'
'...and since when did that start troubling you? remember Cynthia, Joke, Dola, Nne...?'
'Bros, leave story for tortoise. Those ones dey different now, no mind their drama. I took nothing that wasnt already gone. Abi Salir? AND na you I dey pity o, you no say na you dem dey meet for house come cry for'
'Yes o Shaggy. Mr Self Control'

They hit fists laughing.

I'm asking myself...what would I have done differently if I had been in Shaggy's shoes? I really wish I knew for sure.

'Shag, I think you should do the woman. Na bed She wan bed you not wed you', said Salir.

Shaggy 'Salir,Salir, well said. You have a point o'. Another fist hitting.

'D two of you no well o'
'ok Mancee, wetin you talk?'

'Well, for starters, you know I dont really believe being a virgin says anything about a person aside that. Too many technical virgins out there for the nomenclature to be of any real value. Moreover, it is no indication of whether the individual is a good person or, V or no V...a woman is a woman and should be related to without the V-cloud'.

"IWE ", they both shout out laughing. Salir is rubbing my head in a mock 'Head Ventilation' gesture.

Shaggy stands 'Bros-es, I suppose waka. I wan check somebody for next street...'
'Shaggy and Sons', Salir and I chant simultaneosly...


I had been away for like 5 days on a business trip to the south. Amaka came to the house and asked for Shaggy, told her to wait for him. Chit chat, this and that, and I find myself wondering if it was true that the drop dead gorgeous female in front of me was actually a virgin. Na wah o. 'wonders shall never end'.

Shaggy comes in later and ushers her out. He isnt back till late. He comes in with that tell tale grin on his face...I recognised the malady :'brag-litis'. He needed minimal prompting to talk...

'So ...that was Amaka V-Yansh' I said non chalantly
'Not anymore', Shaggy's grin was in 'chesire cat' mode-it had spread from ear to ear...

I nearly choked on my drink ' mean...'. The boy was so joyed he couldnt talk and just managed to nod his head vigorously.

Somehow, she had convinced him (or he had convinced her?) that it was going to be a "no-frills" shag. He said she begged him to de-flower her and teach her all about shagging. lol. Shaggy even had to draw up a 5week (!) curricula of two shag sessions per week spanning various 'positions and techniques'.
She was merely 'getting an education', he was Shaggy and 'merely' doing her a favor.
I never see.
End of the five weeks, Shaggy wants to move on. (tis a surprise he could stick with the same female for that long-he said it was because she was a good student !).

Amaka asked for an extension...
Shaggy agreed (against our collective disapproval). One day he goes to pick her up at home for another 'class'. While waiting in the living room, he overheared her mum call him her husband. He did not hear Amaka contest it. Shaggy panicked, freaked out, and asked to use the toilet. He called me -from the toilet- asking what to do. lol

Well, though I would readily kill the guy a lotta times, he's still my guy now abi?.
'Do the migraine routine...'

That class was cancelled-due to a rather curious bad case of migraine.

After two weeks of 'migraine', Amaka got the gist-she came to complain to me. (I really need to leave home more often...)

...And like a lotta other beautiful divas before her-Cynthia, Joke, Dola, Nne etc...ManCee had to bear the tearful sobs, give the 'sob-soothing' shoulder, offer the soothing kleenex, get a cab-and pay- while promising to 'talk to' Shaggy.

And another one bites the dust...

...another dis-illusioned woman unleashed unto an unsuspecting world...

...One more excuse to give God for stabbing Shaggy to death in his sleep.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Shaggy and Sons- THE VEE CHALLENGE 1

A Shaggy tale, told in first person...

Its a parteeee...
I was passing by and overheard her saying to her girlfriends "...I'm so fine". I laughed and made a U-turn for her. I walked up to her amidst all the other females and held her arm 'Marry me'. She's startled.

'It's proven to work, I swear', the other chic are going 'Na wah o', and giggling

'Say something girl, I'm offering you fairy tale level romance here. Ever heard of Beauty and the Beast?. You are sooo fine (true) and I'm sooo ugly (false). We were made to be together. Lets tango', said I as I spun her into an internal dance turn-latin dance style.
Shes laughing now, 'I dont think so..', and eased herself away. I looked up into the sky and with mock angst and disappointment I cried with arms widespread "I tried, Lord I tried".
I went back to the dance floor singing "Sean da Paul...give it to 'em" at the top of my voice and doing the dance. I was having mad fun that night.
We got introduced later by a friend and I never asked her out again. I didnt mean it the first time, was just high on mad fun and Smirnoff I think she apparently thought more of it.

We'd chat online, trade insults on 'hi5'. SMSs. share annoyances and pet peeves mostly over the phone. She's fun and smart but I never asked her out.

One morn, I'm getting ready for work. She calls asking if we could hook up after work-something on her mind. Why not? 1830hr, we meet. gist about this and that and nothing specific. We go see a performance. 2200hr, time to leave. She asked if she could come over to my place for the night-shes got a spare shirt. My heart is racing, could this be...I declined.
The boys would be home-that Mancee nonsense would totally burn my cable.
I took her home. We make out in the car. Tis goodnight.

She calls next day asking what happened. Why didnt I want her over. Dont I like her? etc etc. I laughed. Told her I was just tired is all.
I told her I was waaay tooo cheap to be chased for long. She laughed at my self flagellation.
From then on...we flirted with each other each chance possible. Friendly banter, laden with innuendoes. She being the more vocal and un-abashed. Me silently wondering if I really could handle this woman in bed.What with all her bragging. What with my rep at stake. There was only one way to find out-It was bound to eventually happen.

A date was fixed. She chose the day. Her funeral I told her. She asked me to write my will.

I knew her job was as stretching as mine and decided to get as much advantage as possible. Took a 3 day work leave and didnt tell her. I used the first two to catch up on sleep-it was imperative to be in top shape. Fed well and took a lotta fruits. Added pineapples incase an oral came up, bananas and roasted plaintain to patch any estwhile unrecognized hole in the phallus function. Bought a box of assorted sheathings, ribbed, dotted, flavored etc etc.

Friday, "Slaughter Day", I got some KY-Jelly on my way to her office. I patiently watched her from the waiting lounge. She's obviously stressed up. Shes on the phone and I could see her neck muscles tensing, lol. I've got all the advantages in this war. She finally gets away at six, dials my number 'where are you', 'stuck in traffic', I heard her sigh. She's surprised to see me in the lounge, looking cool, bathed, smiley, smelling nice and content. She smilles and kisses me lightly on the lips. right there. Her dress was sexy and sultry in a professional way! How does she do that?

We went for a drink, bought take-away and headed to the pre-booked hotel room. She asked why an hotel and not my place. I said I didnt want to seem like I had "home advantage" in this match(I couldnt tell her I share a flat with 2 others-abi? my rep now). She laughed and mouthed some more threats. *snicker

She brought out scented candles from her bag, and lights them-I'm curious, she says she wants it to be special. Mmmm..
I told her I dont need that much persuasion or was she going to start begin me now for mercy?
She laughed 'In ur mind' she retorted. 'Shaggy, I've told you, you are going dooown tonight'.

Bring it on baby, bring it on.

Music playing, food done and cleared. teeth brushed and rinsed, clothes removed or torn. The kissing is on steroids. We are both tearing at each other as if to outdo one the other. (Well actually) Her body was a wonderland and my hands had a field day and kept getting lost. Girl gives a head like she has a diploma in it. I outdo her on the rebound. She's clutching my head tightly while she calls out my name on different keys.

Main feature of the night. I bring the box and she chooses the vanilla flavoured sheath (!).
She helps roll it on and is FRANTICALLY talking dirty. She was thrusting while i'm yet to enter. Man this woman was really itching to be done. I decided to make her wait. I played on the entrance, teased every inch of that vulva with the vanilla-ed phallus. She's wild now and looked like she'd bite me if I didnt go in. I decided to. I gently slid a finger in there...

Can it be?

"Sweetness of Ages!!!" I exclaimed.

Amaka is a Virgin.!!!!!!!!!

I sprung away, loosing my balance. I toppled backwards off the bed and hit my head. Shes asking what the matter was. My head was smarting and I was laughing. 25years and body of a damn fine sex goddess, how? Can you imagine, all that preparation and she's a friggin virgin?! No way I was going to do a virgin.

"YOU ARE A VIRGIN?!" I said to her still chuckling

She crumbles by the bed side and is wailing her heart out...'Is it a sin to be, why do guys treat me like i'm a leper..."

There is no way I'm doing a virgin. No way baby...No way
(Have I got gist for the boys or what?)

Amaka of the bubble butt fame IS a virgin!

And thus ended the V-Challenge.


What do you think about this, eh?