Sunday, May 31, 2009


Let the Green'Witch' not be mean,
and let time here be same as there

Let the even sun stay a bit its course,
and let us share this one sunset

Let the wind carry my longing heart
oh!To be in the arms of her-My Beloved.


Monday, May 18, 2009

Shaggy and Sons -Mama shaggy Visits-In conclusion

0500hr. I start the engine. Noticed a hand scrawn note passed through the slit in my window “I'm sorry”. I knew it was from Tamia. A vision of the body I saw last night passed by my mind and my body recoiled while "my guy" started engorging AGAIN! Damn girl.
I'm so so tired of all this crap. I head home to go change and dress up.
Salir opens the door looking in my face for some tell tale sigh of anger. I eye him coldly and make for the room. Took a loooong warm shower. Dressed up and went to grab Shaggy by his scruffy collar. He's apologising and saying a whole load of shit I wasnt trying to hear. My whole body itched and ached simultaneously (how do you explain that?!)
I dragged him to his mum's room. Salir is close behind. She's awake and obviously still shaken.
'Morning ma', she ignores the greeting.
'Mummy, shaggy has something to say to you'.
She looks at him with a look of “Can it be any worse?”
A loooong silence.
“Mummy, the condom was mine”. The woman looked like she was going to die of apoplexy. I felt a twinge of pity for her, her face suddenly looked extremely sad. “i did not bring you up that way. Is that the influence of bad company?” she queried, eying Salir and I.
“No mum, you didnt bring me up that way. We never discussed sex or girls. Remember it was a taboo. I grew up and discovered for myself...I was even doing it without protection.
This so-called bad company -he gestured in our direction-made me start using one. Mum I owe them”. The sheath you found, I was drying out for re-use, I find it kinda embarrasing going to ask to buy condoms at the corner store
“Mum, if you love me at all you will be grateful to these two guys. They've helped me stay sane...”
“Are you implying that you've since been having sex...”
Shaggy cuts in “Mum, I've only done it 4 times!”.
(Salir and I exchange a discreet smile)
I see now than ever that I probably shouldnt be having sex till marriage but mummy, the spirit is willing...”
MShaggy gets up from the bed and hugs her son. She's crying. Shaggy is holding on to her. I motion to Salir for us to leave the room for Mother and Son.
They didnt notice our exit, they both held and cried, saying apologies to each other over and over.
We go late to the office . Shaggy and Mum still pouring their hearts out to each other.
I called Shaggy's office and told them he was ill and wont be coming in. Left him a note to let him know...
Outside, I looked at Salir and said 'man, we need to talk...', 'About Tamia?'I nodded.
'Dont worry about it, She made advances at you right? its her way. Thanks for trying to tell me though, you are real brother'. I'm dumbfounded.
'So, did you...?', 'No, no I didnt. Couldnt' I quickly cut in (still remembering the attendant pain)
“I'm breaking up with her cheating ass soon anyways...'. ‘Why not now’ I wondered. Salir laughed ‘Bruv, that girl knows how to do a guy right’, ‘Salir, you ARE crazy’.
We both laughed as we entered our cars to start the days travails…

We all took the day off at MShaggy's prompting.
She treated us to some exotic dish from the northern part of the country. I never knew those guys had anything that exciting.
While we ate, she brought up the events of the last few days and said she'd like to discuss them with us.
I looked at my giuys, we exchanged looks which said "Darn, the food was bait".
She asked us to relax.
MShaggy reminded of her stay at Harvard. How she met Pa Shaggy. She gisted us of how he pursued her till like forever before she 'greed. How he was a ladies' man and why she was sceptical about him. She gisted us of their first time kissing and *cough. She didnt tell ANY of these tales in a boring old woman fashion o...she was down to earth. it was uncensored. She said she should have had this talk with Shaggy ages ago.She told us of their romance at college. How they broke up for a year and the other guys she "found adventure" with. A lot of the gist was veeeru funny. We laughed our bollocks off. She told us of how an oyinbo lecturer had the hots for her and of cos, this got Pa Shaggy furious and more serious at the same time. We all made lunch was real fun. She said she didnt believe Shaggy's claim of sex only 4 times; that if he was anything like his
Just when we were beginning to think the woman was clueless...
Did I ever compare this woman to my mum?!!
Heck, she was waaay cooler.
Somehow, somehow, she smuggled talk of christ into the gist. We never noticed nor saw it coming.
(In retrospect, I think we might have decided to be born-again without knowing it that day)
When it was time to go, she said she had booked a flight back to lagos. She was wearing a rather fancy skirt and blouse. She had it made in a hurry by the cornerstore bespoke tailor. She said she was going off that "iro and buba" bandwagon.She said she needed to apologise to Pa Shaggy for letting their earlier raunchiness go cold, in the excuse of getting more godly. Wasnt it part of her godly duty to her hubby?
She said she had us to thank for helping her remember the good old days with Pa Shaggy. She said she was going to help them rediscover that "absolute magic"- her words.
At the airport, we took turns hugging her. She took time to oray for each of us rather embarrasingly seriously right there in the lobby.
When her flight was ready and they were being called in she got and shouted "GROUP HUG!!!"
Bear hugs for every body...and we took pictures on her camera-she promising to send a copy back to us in canvas.
On the way home, Salir asked if we didnt need to warn Pa Shaggy of the impending...
"Naaaaah....", we all chorused.

Saturday, May 16, 2009


We flay them
We straff 'em
'useless, imperfect
unfair, un-needed'

Yet through all ages
They diligently illuminate
Our thoughts
Whats been taught
Whats retained
And those disdained
time and time again

We do well to embrace all Truth-Sayers


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Shaggy And Sons-Mama Shaggy Visits 3

Well folks, day 3 was what you call same same or 'so so'. I actually prefer the French 'comme ci comme ca', though the food wasn’t. Oh no ma'am! It wasn’t.
Mama Shaggy (MShaggy) went on her tour but asked us to stay back as she had made a friend in the neighborhood!!!
Turns out the pestle for our pounded yam binges were from our next door neighbor.
The Girl Next Door (GND) turns out to be a real looker. Damn! That chic had some hooters on her- and she packaged them well.
She was a final year psychology student and was visiting for two weeks
I greeted her curtly-no chic was going to make me provoke MShaggy . Shaggy lingered on his greeting of her...I noticed.
When MShaggy and GND were gone, I dragged him outside, and promised to skin him alive if he so much as make any moves-sudden or planned on that chic. Nothing was going to come between me and MShaggy’s mealies. Nothing. “ Food before bros, Ho-s come next.
Salir had a chic he had dated then for 3 months and I had no fear of him effing up.
Shaggy was still the “Weakest Link”. Give it to the guy, he'd been celibate for 4 days now, aka no shagging or chasing.
Lets face it folks, Guy was bound to break sooner or later, twas Shaggy we're talking about here man.

Gentlemen and ladies, without our knowledge nor sanction, Master Shaggy had launched out for GND
It so turned out that GND spent quite a lotta time with MShaggy , and you know how the Worlds Most Perfect Son belongs to every mother? Well MShaggy had one too. She was full of how caring and stuffs her lil boy was and GND may just like him. She tells of how Shaggy had no girl in his life -what with him being such aa shy boy (!)-and needed a good girl like her to compliment him.
Girl next door (GND) was so friendly with MShaggy that they'll both take the trips we had planned for her.
Of cos it was bound to happen- MShaggy 'introduced' them-officially. Unknown to her, shaggy had already read his manifesto to the chic same day we all met her.
MShaggy feeling like a correct match maker structured an alone time between both people. Of course Shaggy agreed. He never told us anyhow, we knew better than to let the Shaggy Cat watch over any Fine Ass Fried Fish Chic.
Anyways, Shaggy did the girl. Turns out the good girl GND was a vixen herself. Typical?.

I noticed Shaggy was exceptionally calm at breakfast. I recognised the calm-and the attendant Shaggy itch to brag. It was obvious he was happy about something but was dying from bottling it up.
On my way to work, I brushed past him and whispered for his ears only “Hey bro, hang in there and dont Eff this up ”3 more days man, 3 more days”. He nods and gives me a look of defiance...
1800hrs, I'm getting ready to leave the office. My phone vibes, tis Salir.
“ManCee, the good luck talisman aint working no more. We're in for it”
“Whatcha mean bruv”
“Tis shaggy man, he's effed up bro. He's effed up big time”
Suddenly, the room is threatening to spinning, “Woosa...”, I definitely need my head about me now “Alright bruv, you NEED to calm down and tell me what happened”
Turns out that Shaggy's creativity had done us in. Remember, we got him unto the Condom-Use band wagon much earlier? Well, what we didn’t bargain for was that Shaggy was going to get inventive.
After a few uses, Shaggy apparently came to the conclusion that the used sheaths could be recycled. Yep! I mean re-used. (can you beat that!?)
Shaggy uses a sheath, 'empties' it, rinses and hangs to dry for re-use. K-Y Jelly helps in the re-use session
Turns out that from doing GND the day before, MShaggy discovered the used sheath while it was still making the recycling rounds. Dearest Shaggy had hung the sheath in the other room and MShaggy had found it out . AND all hell was let loose.
MShaggy was hysterical. You know how when people get mad they delve into an inner part of them that doesnt surface all the time? She was demanding an explanantion for the apparition in impeccable queen's english (she studied in Oxford). She was raving mad and going on and on about how we had disappointed her faith in us. Shaggy apparently freaked out and told his mum that the condom belonged to me!
Salir said he finally believed MShaggy went to oxford that day, in spite of all her homeliness and ‘local-ness’. He said half of the '*oyinbo' she was blowing was waaay beyond his head
MShaggy was on and on about how could she have been so blind and not seen through my 'school boy-ish' innocence and seen that I was thoroughly spoiled. She’s saying how shaggy needs to move out and away from my influence. Does he not know that 'bad company corrupts good manners?' and so on and so on and so forth.
I'm appaled- Damn! My first impulse was to rush home and bash shaggy's head in.
Salir advised not to come home for the night. Let the woman cool down a notch and finish venting.
Oh Shaggy, Oh shaggy! What the bling is wrong with you man? Why cant you control yourself. Why man, why?
Salir gives me his babe's addy, said he had called her that I might be coming and she was expecting me.
I knew it was probably best to stay away...I took Slair's advise and headed for Tamia's.
Twas already dark by the time I got to her mini flat. Tamia greets me at the door in her nighties. Some peripherial vision acknowledges that she had a killer body. She had some TFC take-aways for me. I did the usual chit chat I do with her. How was her day and stuffs. We saw the news at nine together and passed comments about the usual national drama. 22:10, she hands me a duvet and pillow and excuses herself. I gratefully took the articles and proceeded to make myself comfortable on her 3-seater. The rug felt more like I relocated there. Lights out. Time to crash and consolidate the day’s happenings.
About an hour or so into my sleep..I felt my 'buddy' standing at attention. Felt like a dream...Hmm nice I thought. I hadn’t had one of those kinda dreams in a long while. I feel myself writhing slightly and felt a warm body under the duvet. Instinctively I snuggled closer still thinking twas a dream. My mouth finds a hard pointy knot and I'm sucking rather hard. I hear a moan and thought how realistic...Cant it be...?
I open my eyes a slit and make out curves in the half light.
I sprung up alarmed, throwing the duvet away, heart pumping, my boxers parted at the 'piss hole' and my phallus so hard it ached. I make out Tamia's figure looking at me with almost a pleading stare. Her nightie lace undone, boobs beckoning me to lock on and suck, gap between her spread legs caught a light which proved wetness and my 'guy' is nodding vigorously-agama style.
Lord knew I did not need an invitation and so much wanted to do her till kingdom come.
I swallowed. “What da Eff do you think you are doing?” I struggled to keep my voice from shaking from all the excitement and over exertion of self control.
“No one will know” she said getting up to her knees, 'I promise'
In an instant, she's holding ‘my guy' and started the beginning of a licking.
I felt the tip of her tongue and wanted to thrust into her mouth. Somehow the order was carried out in reverse and my body sprang away (Dont ask me why, It DEFINITELY was reflex. I KNOW that MOST ASSUREDLY wasnt me. I mean C'mon, I'm a guy and hadnt had any since my last girlfriend, some 5 months earlier.
I pick my things and made for the car.
She shouting after me “Come back here ManCee and fuck me. Come back here this instant”. SHIT.
I could have cried.
Can this day go any worse?
My own guy lied on me to save his skin, I'm 'dethroned' as MShaggy 's favorite, no wonderful supper for me, I run away from my own house, I'm almost fcuked by my guy's girl, I run away from a promising discreet shag after a rather long drought, and now I had to go sleep in a car. Can it be any worse?
Big mouth, I just had to ask ...'the Mosquitoes seemed specially trained...they sucked me so meanly and left me wondering which was worse. To be sucked by Moquitoes or Salir's girlfriend. Damn pests.
I drifted in and out of a nightmare featuring a gorgeous figure eight Mosquito which kept trying to insert its probocis into my “One-eyed-snake”!!!
So much for sleep...