Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Shaggy And Sons-Mama Shaggy Visits 3

Well folks, day 3 was what you call same same or 'so so'. I actually prefer the French 'comme ci comme ca', though the food wasn’t. Oh no ma'am! It wasn’t.
Mama Shaggy (MShaggy) went on her tour but asked us to stay back as she had made a friend in the neighborhood!!!
Turns out the pestle for our pounded yam binges were from our next door neighbor.
The Girl Next Door (GND) turns out to be a real looker. Damn! That chic had some hooters on her- and she packaged them well.
She was a final year psychology student and was visiting for two weeks
I greeted her curtly-no chic was going to make me provoke MShaggy . Shaggy lingered on his greeting of her...I noticed.
When MShaggy and GND were gone, I dragged him outside, and promised to skin him alive if he so much as make any moves-sudden or planned on that chic. Nothing was going to come between me and MShaggy’s mealies. Nothing. “ Food before bros, Ho-s come next.
Salir had a chic he had dated then for 3 months and I had no fear of him effing up.
Shaggy was still the “Weakest Link”. Give it to the guy, he'd been celibate for 4 days now, aka no shagging or chasing.
Lets face it folks, Guy was bound to break sooner or later, twas Shaggy we're talking about here man.

Gentlemen and ladies, without our knowledge nor sanction, Master Shaggy had launched out for GND
It so turned out that GND spent quite a lotta time with MShaggy , and you know how the Worlds Most Perfect Son belongs to every mother? Well MShaggy had one too. She was full of how caring and stuffs her lil boy was and GND may just like him. She tells of how Shaggy had no girl in his life -what with him being such aa shy boy (!)-and needed a good girl like her to compliment him.
Girl next door (GND) was so friendly with MShaggy that they'll both take the trips we had planned for her.
Of cos it was bound to happen- MShaggy 'introduced' them-officially. Unknown to her, shaggy had already read his manifesto to the chic same day we all met her.
MShaggy feeling like a correct match maker structured an alone time between both people. Of course Shaggy agreed. He never told us anyhow, we knew better than to let the Shaggy Cat watch over any Fine Ass Fried Fish Chic.
Anyways, Shaggy did the girl. Turns out the good girl GND was a vixen herself. Typical?.

I noticed Shaggy was exceptionally calm at breakfast. I recognised the calm-and the attendant Shaggy itch to brag. It was obvious he was happy about something but was dying from bottling it up.
On my way to work, I brushed past him and whispered for his ears only “Hey bro, hang in there and dont Eff this up ”3 more days man, 3 more days”. He nods and gives me a look of defiance...
1800hrs, I'm getting ready to leave the office. My phone vibes, tis Salir.
“ManCee, the good luck talisman aint working no more. We're in for it”
“Whatcha mean bruv”
“Tis shaggy man, he's effed up bro. He's effed up big time”
Suddenly, the room is threatening to spinning, “Woosa...”, I definitely need my head about me now “Alright bruv, you NEED to calm down and tell me what happened”
Turns out that Shaggy's creativity had done us in. Remember, we got him unto the Condom-Use band wagon much earlier? Well, what we didn’t bargain for was that Shaggy was going to get inventive.
After a few uses, Shaggy apparently came to the conclusion that the used sheaths could be recycled. Yep! I mean re-used. (can you beat that!?)
Shaggy uses a sheath, 'empties' it, rinses and hangs to dry for re-use. K-Y Jelly helps in the re-use session
Turns out that from doing GND the day before, MShaggy discovered the used sheath while it was still making the recycling rounds. Dearest Shaggy had hung the sheath in the other room and MShaggy had found it out . AND all hell was let loose.
MShaggy was hysterical. You know how when people get mad they delve into an inner part of them that doesnt surface all the time? She was demanding an explanantion for the apparition in impeccable queen's english (she studied in Oxford). She was raving mad and going on and on about how we had disappointed her faith in us. Shaggy apparently freaked out and told his mum that the condom belonged to me!
Salir said he finally believed MShaggy went to oxford that day, in spite of all her homeliness and ‘local-ness’. He said half of the '*oyinbo' she was blowing was waaay beyond his head
MShaggy was on and on about how could she have been so blind and not seen through my 'school boy-ish' innocence and seen that I was thoroughly spoiled. She’s saying how shaggy needs to move out and away from my influence. Does he not know that 'bad company corrupts good manners?' and so on and so on and so forth.
I'm appaled- Damn! My first impulse was to rush home and bash shaggy's head in.
Salir advised not to come home for the night. Let the woman cool down a notch and finish venting.
Oh Shaggy, Oh shaggy! What the bling is wrong with you man? Why cant you control yourself. Why man, why?
Salir gives me his babe's addy, said he had called her that I might be coming and she was expecting me.
I knew it was probably best to stay away...I took Slair's advise and headed for Tamia's.
Twas already dark by the time I got to her mini flat. Tamia greets me at the door in her nighties. Some peripherial vision acknowledges that she had a killer body. She had some TFC take-aways for me. I did the usual chit chat I do with her. How was her day and stuffs. We saw the news at nine together and passed comments about the usual national drama. 22:10, she hands me a duvet and pillow and excuses herself. I gratefully took the articles and proceeded to make myself comfortable on her 3-seater. The rug felt more like I relocated there. Lights out. Time to crash and consolidate the day’s happenings.
About an hour or so into my sleep..I felt my 'buddy' standing at attention. Felt like a dream...Hmm nice I thought. I hadn’t had one of those kinda dreams in a long while. I feel myself writhing slightly and felt a warm body under the duvet. Instinctively I snuggled closer still thinking twas a dream. My mouth finds a hard pointy knot and I'm sucking rather hard. I hear a moan and thought how realistic...Cant it be...?
I open my eyes a slit and make out curves in the half light.
I sprung up alarmed, throwing the duvet away, heart pumping, my boxers parted at the 'piss hole' and my phallus so hard it ached. I make out Tamia's figure looking at me with almost a pleading stare. Her nightie lace undone, boobs beckoning me to lock on and suck, gap between her spread legs caught a light which proved wetness and my 'guy' is nodding vigorously-agama style.
Lord knew I did not need an invitation and so much wanted to do her till kingdom come.
I swallowed. “What da Eff do you think you are doing?” I struggled to keep my voice from shaking from all the excitement and over exertion of self control.
“No one will know” she said getting up to her knees, 'I promise'
In an instant, she's holding ‘my guy' and started the beginning of a licking.
I felt the tip of her tongue and wanted to thrust into her mouth. Somehow the order was carried out in reverse and my body sprang away (Dont ask me why, It DEFINITELY was reflex. I KNOW that MOST ASSUREDLY wasnt me. I mean C'mon, I'm a guy and hadnt had any since my last girlfriend, some 5 months earlier.
I pick my things and made for the car.
She shouting after me “Come back here ManCee and fuck me. Come back here this instant”. SHIT.
I could have cried.
Can this day go any worse?
My own guy lied on me to save his skin, I'm 'dethroned' as MShaggy 's favorite, no wonderful supper for me, I run away from my own house, I'm almost fcuked by my guy's girl, I run away from a promising discreet shag after a rather long drought, and now I had to go sleep in a car. Can it be any worse?
Big mouth, I just had to ask ...'the Mosquitoes seemed specially trained...they sucked me so meanly and left me wondering which was worse. To be sucked by Moquitoes or Salir's girlfriend. Damn pests.
I drifted in and out of a nightmare featuring a gorgeous figure eight Mosquito which kept trying to insert its probocis into my “One-eyed-snake”!!!
So much for sleep...


  1. hahahahahahah i havent even finished reading it but I'm cracking up here. that's hilarious lol. I can't blive he told on you!!

  2. ouch, ok I've finished reading it...that's painful, has Mshaggy forgiven you now? You were smart to run from that temptation, your friend's gfriend...that's crazy, what was she thinking? haha kudos to being trustworthy

  3. Dude I'm so glad you're back! I would have so beaten up that shaggy... imagine. Taking away your source of nourishment. How dare he? Lol. Hope it was sorted out sha...

  4. But was he really daft enough to think that one can recycle condoms? Haba.. e no go skool?

  5. lol......... am sorry but recycled condoms? even if durex is pricey at least gold circle is still better than recycled condoms??? chei i just can't stop laughing.

    Sorry for the mosquitos sucking you meanly, at least u still got some kind of sucking, just not the type u wished for.

  6. oh God i feel so sorry for u...if i were you i would go home and defend myself..and your guy's girl?!damn!woah...this is so not the nice visit u predicted!

  7. LMAO!!!

    You poor thing, i dont know which one is worse, that shaggy recycles condoms, eywww or that he told on you.
    Sorry man.
    You really musta had a fucked up day.
    The ur friends babe??
    Kai kai kai!!!

  8. omd that is so hilarious. lol!! kudos to u tho. u shld be proud of urself. u dont mess with ur boy's girl. that is real self control. Nice one! Stay away from that girl before she comes btw u and ur boy.

  9. Omg! Recycled condoms???? lol. No, that's crazy.
    U r such a nice friend.
    See how u stood up 4 ur friend.
    I know that was hella bad and difficult but imagine if you went back and made the Shaggy's mum know twas not yours.

    So much more drama!!
    I hope all get sorted out tho.

    And "lol" again.... ur day was kinda hilarious.

  10. dont know what to say...

    its so hilarious
    1. shaggy is an arse
    2. salir is naive
    3. MShaggy even more so
    4. GND is typical
    5. Tamia is a slut... she should have jerked off rather than come at you
    6. You are the hero of the story.... wonder what you will tell Salir now, i bet Tamia has gone before you to prepare the ground! hmmmm

  11. awww, u make me feel sorry for you!]
    1. recycled condoms is a definite no-no!
    2. putting the blame on you is a double no-no-no!
    3. tamia? very funny

    i like the way guys are sha, always sticking up for each other! - lesson learnt!

  12. >>M Natural,
    Believe me, that chic was HOT. Cant say twas me who ran outta there-maybe I do have an angel (a strong one too, lol) helping me out.

    >>M Lowlah
    Twas a first for me too. I support 'being green' and recycling et al...but CONDOMS?!

    Tanx o. Mosquitoes are easier to forgive...they dont know any better, shay?

    Abi? SO much for planning shay? We suspected Shaggy might eff up but he still managed to surprise us anyways...

    Yep. Effed up day. right up d rear!

    Tanx o. Pity the girl was my guys tho...she was H.O.T. I sometimes still have flash visions of her that night. *sigh
    ...But its all good tho.

    lol. In retrospect, the day was actually hilarious; though living it then was mad hellish.

    I agree with you on all counts.

    Thanx Doc,
    Does this mean I qualify for 'private' consultation?

    Dear Peeps,
    Thank you for stopping by

  13. hahahahahahahahahahahhahhaaa! Sorry that's hilarious. Washing out a condom, being jumped on in the middle of the night! LMAO

  14. i had to stop halfway and roll on the ground, then u just had to top it off with the randy OPP lol lol mancee u too mosh!!

    ur making urself out 2 b this hero n all round correct guy is becoming suspicious though.....

  15. >>CaramelD
    Well...these kinda things happen only once in a life time. Hopefully

    I hate that feeling too.
    you know what they say about the one-eyed man amongst blind ppl-He's KING. *chuckle*


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