Monday, May 18, 2009

Shaggy and Sons -Mama shaggy Visits-In conclusion

0500hr. I start the engine. Noticed a hand scrawn note passed through the slit in my window “I'm sorry”. I knew it was from Tamia. A vision of the body I saw last night passed by my mind and my body recoiled while "my guy" started engorging AGAIN! Damn girl.
I'm so so tired of all this crap. I head home to go change and dress up.
Salir opens the door looking in my face for some tell tale sigh of anger. I eye him coldly and make for the room. Took a loooong warm shower. Dressed up and went to grab Shaggy by his scruffy collar. He's apologising and saying a whole load of shit I wasnt trying to hear. My whole body itched and ached simultaneously (how do you explain that?!)
I dragged him to his mum's room. Salir is close behind. She's awake and obviously still shaken.
'Morning ma', she ignores the greeting.
'Mummy, shaggy has something to say to you'.
She looks at him with a look of “Can it be any worse?”
A loooong silence.
“Mummy, the condom was mine”. The woman looked like she was going to die of apoplexy. I felt a twinge of pity for her, her face suddenly looked extremely sad. “i did not bring you up that way. Is that the influence of bad company?” she queried, eying Salir and I.
“No mum, you didnt bring me up that way. We never discussed sex or girls. Remember it was a taboo. I grew up and discovered for myself...I was even doing it without protection.
This so-called bad company -he gestured in our direction-made me start using one. Mum I owe them”. The sheath you found, I was drying out for re-use, I find it kinda embarrasing going to ask to buy condoms at the corner store
“Mum, if you love me at all you will be grateful to these two guys. They've helped me stay sane...”
“Are you implying that you've since been having sex...”
Shaggy cuts in “Mum, I've only done it 4 times!”.
(Salir and I exchange a discreet smile)
I see now than ever that I probably shouldnt be having sex till marriage but mummy, the spirit is willing...”
MShaggy gets up from the bed and hugs her son. She's crying. Shaggy is holding on to her. I motion to Salir for us to leave the room for Mother and Son.
They didnt notice our exit, they both held and cried, saying apologies to each other over and over.
We go late to the office . Shaggy and Mum still pouring their hearts out to each other.
I called Shaggy's office and told them he was ill and wont be coming in. Left him a note to let him know...
Outside, I looked at Salir and said 'man, we need to talk...', 'About Tamia?'I nodded.
'Dont worry about it, She made advances at you right? its her way. Thanks for trying to tell me though, you are real brother'. I'm dumbfounded.
'So, did you...?', 'No, no I didnt. Couldnt' I quickly cut in (still remembering the attendant pain)
“I'm breaking up with her cheating ass soon anyways...'. ‘Why not now’ I wondered. Salir laughed ‘Bruv, that girl knows how to do a guy right’, ‘Salir, you ARE crazy’.
We both laughed as we entered our cars to start the days travails…

We all took the day off at MShaggy's prompting.
She treated us to some exotic dish from the northern part of the country. I never knew those guys had anything that exciting.
While we ate, she brought up the events of the last few days and said she'd like to discuss them with us.
I looked at my giuys, we exchanged looks which said "Darn, the food was bait".
She asked us to relax.
MShaggy reminded of her stay at Harvard. How she met Pa Shaggy. She gisted us of how he pursued her till like forever before she 'greed. How he was a ladies' man and why she was sceptical about him. She gisted us of their first time kissing and *cough. She didnt tell ANY of these tales in a boring old woman fashion o...she was down to earth. it was uncensored. She said she should have had this talk with Shaggy ages ago.She told us of their romance at college. How they broke up for a year and the other guys she "found adventure" with. A lot of the gist was veeeru funny. We laughed our bollocks off. She told us of how an oyinbo lecturer had the hots for her and of cos, this got Pa Shaggy furious and more serious at the same time. We all made lunch was real fun. She said she didnt believe Shaggy's claim of sex only 4 times; that if he was anything like his
Just when we were beginning to think the woman was clueless...
Did I ever compare this woman to my mum?!!
Heck, she was waaay cooler.
Somehow, somehow, she smuggled talk of christ into the gist. We never noticed nor saw it coming.
(In retrospect, I think we might have decided to be born-again without knowing it that day)
When it was time to go, she said she had booked a flight back to lagos. She was wearing a rather fancy skirt and blouse. She had it made in a hurry by the cornerstore bespoke tailor. She said she was going off that "iro and buba" bandwagon.She said she needed to apologise to Pa Shaggy for letting their earlier raunchiness go cold, in the excuse of getting more godly. Wasnt it part of her godly duty to her hubby?
She said she had us to thank for helping her remember the good old days with Pa Shaggy. She said she was going to help them rediscover that "absolute magic"- her words.
At the airport, we took turns hugging her. She took time to oray for each of us rather embarrasingly seriously right there in the lobby.
When her flight was ready and they were being called in she got and shouted "GROUP HUG!!!"
Bear hugs for every body...and we took pictures on her camera-she promising to send a copy back to us in canvas.
On the way home, Salir asked if we didnt need to warn Pa Shaggy of the impending...
"Naaaaah....", we all chorused.


  1. oh my gosh that is sooo sweet!!! awww lol...ok, I'll stop but only good things came out of her visit. Good to know that u're now born again lol (hmm). I just cant get over how this story had such a good ending!

  2. plus sex education does go along pele about the mosquitoes sha. hope they didnt leave no lasting marks

  3. “Mum, I've only done it 4 times!”. as in 4 times in an hour or in a day? dat was tew funny

  4. Ohhhh you have made my day! I love how she trapped you with food to give you all 'The Talk'! Pele for sleeping in the car. That was one crazy story.

    So what made Shaggy settle down in the end?

  5. This sounds too good to be true!

    but its all so nice

    i like Salir's take on things - why leave her if she can deliver the goods excellently! as long it stays that way - just delivery....those kind of girls can be good at tying a guy down when they decide to!

  6. It's a Region (out of focus) filter in the PhotoScape editing program.

  7. i kinda agree with tiger - this is too perfect an ending...our mothers definitely dont relent like that. i guess the moral of the story is that condoms can be re-used, and that sex-education is never too late.

  8. hmph you should've screwed tamia

  9. >>Miss N
    No comment :-)

    Thanx jare
    Hmmm...Yet to get the inside scoop...but he said it had something to do with 'becoming more serious'

    HELLOOO! Mancee had the raw deal here and YOU call it a happy story? Na wah o

    Well, we cant knock 'symbiosis'. Can we?
    As long as everyone understand the 'rules of engagement' (pun so so so intended)

    Thanks :-)
    Will so check it out

    Oh! You sef see am?

    >>Omo Oba
    Well if its any consolation...She and her son had like a WHOLE day of talking over this. PLUS
    PLEASE dont re-use condoms. Please.


    Thanx ppl.
    Cant believe I didnt respond earlier. Please find it in your e-hearts to forgive me.
    *wide school boy grin*


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