Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Memoirs Of a Lagos Returnee (Part 1)

Fact: I do not like lagos.
Fact: Lagos is just like jand/yankee...good enough to visit, not as much to live in
Fact: I do not like lagos.

So I was away from lagos. For about two years. No it wasnt my first time living outside the state, but contrasting that with the other times...this time I actually had fun.

I could and did dictate my own terms, I could and did choose my affiliates and associates. In other words, I was king of my own hill- albeit small.

Fast forward many months after 'returning', I'm in hospital typing this. My 'yansh' (excuse my french) has been poked ever so often I think I might need the services of some 'vulcanizer' dude.
So wetin bring my "hole-y butt" to this den of white clad eggheads with weird earphones and scantily clad pretty nurses with legs that make you want to feign a headache? Hmmm, na 'malaria' o!

My brother! So I suddenly developed a chill in the office, put on a winter coat (seriously) but no relief. I went upnto the balcony and stayed in the sun but my fingers still felt like they were laced with liquid nitrogen. It was either that I was developing powers akin to Sub-Zero's or something was wrong. Then it hit me- I have a fever!

Sharply sharply, I trotted down to the company clinic, doc asked me if I was okay. Honestly, I thought this was sarcastic and I wanted to answer in equal measure and jump on his desk singing "I feeeeeel good", James Brown style. All I could manage was a lame imitation of Maintain's "I catch cold".

Some blood work later, the verdict was one of africa's most common yet worst killer- malaria.

I was let off that day, a friend drove me home but I was back 2 days later for an overnight stint with a diagnoses of increased parasite activity in my blood! Doc said I missed a chance of it developing into 'cerebral malaria'! Hmmmm

A week later after I was discharged, I got a carton of baygon insecticide and sprayed the whole house...next morning, I was greeted with the sight of the most dead mosquitoes I have ever seen in my entire life.

For those in naija right now, abeg with the flooding everywhere...install mosquitoe nets and spray your home with insecticides. For those outside naija, remind your people back home to. Or better still, send money home to buy some.



Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6


  1. Get well soon. Ndo.

    PS Malaria no dey where you were before?

  2. Eeeya. Thank God you are well enough to blog. I wish you speedy recovery

  3. @CaramelD,
    ...and how would you know? :p

    Tanx jare.

  4. Lol. You're funny. You know, I was singing the "I catch cold" song at work all day today o! Smh

    Guess you're stong enough now. Pele. Thanks for coming by my blog & commenting. So about that igbo something *cough* let's bargain. Help me out & that 'daydream' might become real #wink

  5. Hi ManCee, I appreciate your recent comments on my blog.
    Didnt know it was a sick man writing. Hope your health is much better now.
    So if you don't like Lagos, where do you prefer?

  6. >>Toin
    per the igbo-daydream...DAMN! You drive a hard bargain sista. How about something like a mid-way solution? I canhook you up with expired alabukun (I 'hear' its akin to 'igbo') and I get to live the dream.

    My sister, Almost all the other places are now in one trouble or the other o. *sigh*
    Abuja, Jos, warri...guess I should check out calabar soon. I hear its real cool..

  7. >>Ginger,
    Meanwhilly...I aint sick.

    Just a lil unwell.
    I know, right now you cant tell
    But stay a while
    And maybe you would see
    ...a different side of me...*humming till fade....*

  8. Your malaria is not bad oh at least u can type when I have malaria I always think its aids or cancer tufiakwa like its soooooo badddd... Hate that shit... Rambo is my best friend Baygon is too posh for the ones in my house...they will just odes hi the stufff

    1. Hmmm,
      Must be mutation issues. the ones in my estate dey sniff Rambo to get high.
      Baygon bids them gone... "Be Gone".

  9. Thanks for dropping by my blog
    Hope all is well

    1. Its a pleasure. Thanks for returning the gesture aka 'retaliating'.

      Yes o. I'm good and back to terrorising the folks in my office.

  10. Wait... Baygon still works?
    There are indeed different mosquito species cos the ones in my hood live through Baygon. TOTAL is our only 'avenger'.

    I love LAGOS, heck, its my state but you're right about being more productive outside this ville!

    I hope you'll be back real soon for an update?

    1. Ah well,
      Like I said...'Las Gidi'? Born there, live there, but I'd opt out in a heartbeat.

  11. LOL @ lame imitation of I catch cold...and ewwww to dead mosquitoes. That aside, I hope you're feeling much better. It's been a minute.


Talk make I hear...