Monday, August 2, 2010
IF I SAY IT, I'LL BE DAMNED...
Every one has them I think, that bros who left for greener pastures a long time ago and hasnt been home in a long while yes there are the occasional ones who always keep in touch and everyone agrees that he is an 'okay' guy. Bros Emeka was that for us. Because he was such a correct guy, we were all constantly asking ' my bros, when r you taking a wife?'
He would laugh and say 'soon , my dear'. it was now the twelfth year.
We were not blood relations but you'd never know. I got to know him through his younger brother 'Cosmos'. We were his errand boys. If he needed something done in naija, it was either Cosmos or me- and he always settled well. These side runs helped fuel our adventures in 'womanism'.
Then came the day bro Emeka called and said he wanted to come rendezvous with a certain damsel he met in Germany while she came on vacation and they've been talking ever since. He said the relationship has been on for 3 months. He had not told anyone about her -not even us his boys-so as not to raise false hopes. We were elated.
On his arrival date, we were there to pick him up. At the hotel, he 'settled' us and asked us to disappear. We didn't see for a fortnight-only on phone. We were dying to meet this chic that had caught bros like so.
Cosmos said she had better be fine, I said better not have an accent.
Bro Emeka asked us to show after 2 weeks to meet her. I went but Cosmos couldnt get away from school. I got there early but she had to go run an errand. I teased bro 'E' endlessly when he told us this may be 'The One'- so well behaved, so decent. By the time she arrived we were all pretty gay from the many green and brown bottles stagerring about on the ruged floor. A gentle knock on the door and in walked unarguably one of the drop dead gorgeous girls I had laid eyes on yet. I momentarily oscillated between lust, envy, joy. When she opened her full lips to say 'good morning' in accentless english, I settled for lust. When bros 'E' mentioned me as 'his personal person' and her hazel eyes lighted up in glee, my emotions moved to envy. God knows I lingered on the hand shake. When she moved past me to hug bros, her Perf did a number on my head, catching a glimpse of her boobs from my higher height didn't help a bit. When I sighted the bump behind her as she leaned in to peck bros 'E', it was with my last will power that my member didnot come erect. I choked on my saliva and had to excuse myself to the gents. Damn! That girl was fine. Well , I blame my reaction on the alcohol.
At the carpark, I asked if we could call her 'Eve' for short. She objected rather quickly and added that she had an emotional attachment to her name, thank you. Bros asked me to take Evelyn's number and pass on to Cosmos. He wanted us to take care of any of her needs and treat her like we would him.
I met Cosmos later on and noticed a fleeting frown on Cosmos' face as he stored her number. I was way too tipsy to trust my own senses anyways so I let it fly.
On the way home, Cos was really quiet and I had to ask what was up. 'Nothing' he said.
My phone rang at about 2am, 'damn midnight calls', I muttered as I cursed beneath my breath.
'what if bros 'E' is making a mistake?'
'pardon? Cosmos what are you on about?'
'what if bros 'E' is making a mistake? What if Evelyn is not the one '
'Look Cos, you need to go to bed. I expect you to be happy for bros and not dreaming up some nonsense. I hung up the phone. This Cosmos can be annoying sometimes sha.
5am, a persistent car horn woke me up. I looked down from my room window in the PG hall-it was Cosmos. 'Ol boy, you well so? It's effing 5am!'. 'Sorry man, but I can't sleep. I need to talk to you. I'm dead serious'.
I slipped into my robe and went to sit in his car.
Turns out Cos had Evelyn's number saved under his 'Escort group'- girls from all walks who get called up and referred from man to man, friend to friend under the direction of a pimp. I refused to believe that 'angel' I met could be a call girl.
'Cos, this is big!'
'Evelyn na ashawo; codenamed 'Eve'. AND she comes highly recommended too-that's why I saved her number'. Often the girls would hand out their numbers to satisfied clients in a bid to cut off the pimp's share for a future date.
How do we prove this without sounding like jealous idiots? How can we best save our dear bros from this? If we talk-wahala. If we no talk - na katakata.
We parted ways with a charge to find a good plot to expose this imposter to dear bros Emeka. Later that afternoon we met again to finalize plans. Cos made the call and the trap was in place.
Cosmos called bros 'E' and after congratulating him on Evelyn told him that there is this chic he had been with for a while too and would want bros E to meet later that week. A date was fixed-bros E would tell Evelyn told not to show that day but the next, thus freeing her up. Next we made a trip to the pimp's and looked through his albums for the one named 'Eve'. It was our dear Evelyn true true in an effing sexy pose. 'I'm going to love this' said Cos rubbing his hands together. I smacked the stupid boy on the head. We wanted her for Thursday night. Pimp master asked if she was to 'service' us both. Surprised i stammered ' she does that too?!' ' Sure, this is one of my top girls, kinky sex is her forte; how would you want it , anal, oral, toys, name it... But it'll cost you. We ordered the 'full bouquet'. Pimp Master gave his assurances.
Thursday, De Ritz Hotel, we drove in with bros E. When bros E asked why an hotel, Cos dismissed it casually saying 'bros, you know me now; effizy must follow'. We all laughed. drinks were ordered while we waited for Eve. Cos mentioned that he hadn't told his babe that she was meeting his older brother; it was meant to be a surprise you see...so bros E will wait in the bedroom till we knock on the door.
Ten minutes to D-time, bros E and I moved into the bedroom, he couldn't help giggling. You boys have really grown o. We laughed. I shut the door.
A subtle conspiratory knock on the main door and in walked Eve looking even more delicious than before. Cos did not waste time in undressing her and sucking hard on her erect nipples while she moaned loudly.
On hearing the moan, I excused myself from bros and skittered out to hear Eve ask where the other person was. Cos had her back to me. I took her from behind, I inhaled her hair smell deeply while running my fingers round her pubic. I inserted a finger there and felt the silky wetness. She moaned again without so mush as opening her eyes. Cos gently led her to the sofa while I continued to knead that butt. We had her kneel on the sofa while he went behind the sofa and she took his hardness in her mouth and was slurping away. I eased up her short dress and eased out my thing. Slipped on a sheath and entered that pinkiness from behind. I rammed into her mercilessly and her stiffled groans turned me on extra. I was so so excited from the whole play, the thought of bros E in the next room with African magic, the thick phat ass of his babe gliding over my member, her soft low moans as she sucked Cos and rammed back into me in perfect sync was too much. I came in an explosion of grunts and shivered out my last drops while squeezing her boobs hard. I noticed Cos with his head thrown back broaching nirvana too.
While they concluded their final lap, I pulled up my pants, wiped some sweat and went to get bros E
He could not believe it. There was Evelyn, his angel, sucking his younger brother's phallus.
"EVE!!! What are you doing with my brother's wee-wee?!"
'wee-wee?' this bros has got to be kidding me. If not for the all round bad situation, I for laugh till I orgasm again.
Without leaving her 'suck toy', she turned her glazed eyes to see bros E and upon recognition, hurriedly withdrew her mouth. This action made a sucking sound that made bros E shiver. He continued shivering in a spot and. I saw the blood drain from his face. I ran to him and helped him to a seat. He never took his eyes off Eve/ Evelyn.
Bros, we present to you 'Evil Eve'.
Of course he didn't marry her. He went back to Germany and came back 2 years later with a white wife.
Did he forgive them? Of course, they were his boys now and saved him from a lifelong error. (of course, they had our own trip. And for free too)
They however, had to go to the pimp and explain that the girl was apparently seeing their bros who they were organising her for; only for them to make the discovery in the heat of passion and she couldn't deliver on the full service ordered.The 10%pimp down payment was lost. But after all considered, it was the freaking bestest cheapest 'service' ever.
Cos is now married with children. And the story teller was a taximan I hired for a day trip.