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Ol boi, na wah...

So its 2013 now now?

The way time flies ehn...e go make you hala say "ol boi, na wah".

Cant believe I posted twice in 2012! I sincerely wish I can say this year will get more posts...

The last I was here, I was ranting about Lagos and its travails...this year, I find myself away from Las Gidi and now in Uncle Sam's country. I guess tyis a case of 'mind what you wish for'.

Dis 'Man-Must-Wack' thin's wey just dey move man pikin all over the globe. Hmm, okay o...

The cold for here ehn! Na die!
See as your guy dey wear clothe sleep call am pyjamas. Me wey if i wan sleep well for naija, na to undress yakata for my 7x7. For here, I no dey gree open window sef. As I dey pick car to buy, na heated seat and steering wheel top my list. I dey even leave on Tommy overcoat inside car as emergency personal protective equipment.

As a correct opportunist na, I say as I find myself for here for like a year so, I must tour their whole country building my picture cache. Na im I follow go mardi gras o. The only mistake I made was not making enough friends who dey shaq make dem for fit follow go. I felt quite alone there...everyone was drinking/ had drunk/was drunk...it was almost boring feeling like the only sober person in a whole town.

Seeing all the people together, one could not help noticing some facts; OYIBO PEOPLE CAN FAT, latinos can fine sha, black people can get yansh (chei!) plus swag plus attitude and if only whites  had yansh dem for overfine pass.

Oh make I no forget this gossip...as I dey waka go my hotel around 2am, na im I hear two oyibo women dey yarn dey giggle for my back. I look around, na only the three of us dey the street. Cold dey mama me so I hide hand inside trouser. Apparently that action drew my pants tighter. As the two women dey giggle like so, I come take style listen to their talk. Dem dey talk about my yansh(!). I say shuo! ignored dem dey waka dey go...

One of dem come call out say "Hello sir, yeah its you we are talking about. Dont you just walk on by like you cant hear us... we are saying thats a real nice arse you've got there".

Ol boi, my inner jaw drop. Na im I begin laff sotay. I stop, pointed at them in turn "You ladies are drunk", I said. The other one shake im head and said "yes we are, but even if I wasnt drunk...I'd still wanna tap that arse". I was so shocked I just resume my laff jejely.

As I shook my head laughing and walking away, they called after me..."if you are looking for us, we'll be at the waffle house...!"

Ol boi... "na real wah".

ps: Wishing you a fulfilling new year and may all your plans and planning make sense.

-ManCee

Memoirs Of a Lagos Returnee (Part 1)

Fact: I do not like lagos.
Fact: Lagos is just like jand/yankee...good enough to visit, not as much to live in
Fact: I do not like lagos.

So I was away from lagos. For about two years. No it wasnt my first time living outside the state, but contrasting that with the other times...this time I actually had fun.

I could and did dictate my own terms, I could and did choose my affiliates and associates. In other words, I was king of my own hill- albeit small.

Fast forward many months after 'returning', I'm in hospital typing this. My 'yansh' (excuse my french) has been poked ever so often I think I might need the services of some 'vulcanizer' dude.
So wetin bring my "hole-y butt" to this den of white clad eggheads with weird earphones and scantily clad pretty nurses with legs that make you want to feign a headache? Hmmm, na 'malaria' o!

My brother! So I suddenly developed a chill in the office, put on a winter coat (seriously) but no relief. I went upnto the balcony and stayed in the sun but my fingers still felt like they were laced with liquid nitrogen. It was either that I was developing powers akin to Sub-Zero's or something was wrong. Then it hit me- I have a fever!

Sharply sharply, I trotted down to the company clinic, doc asked me if I was okay. Honestly, I thought this was sarcastic and I wanted to answer in equal measure and jump on his desk singing "I feeeeeel good", James Brown style. All I could manage was a lame imitation of Maintain's "I catch cold".

Some blood work later, the verdict was one of africa's most common yet worst killer- malaria.

I was let off that day, a friend drove me home but I was back 2 days later for an overnight stint with a diagnoses of increased parasite activity in my blood! Doc said I missed a chance of it developing into 'cerebral malaria'! Hmmmm

A week later after I was discharged, I got a carton of baygon insecticide and sprayed the whole house...next morning, I was greeted with the sight of the most dead mosquitoes I have ever seen in my entire life.

For those in naija right now, abeg with the flooding everywhere...install mosquitoe nets and spray your home with insecticides. For those outside naija, remind your people back home to. Or better still, send money home to buy some.

Safe.

-ManCee

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NO BE TODAY...

No be today wey we know say people too like money and folks who appear to have it. No be today we know say babes think they can smell money on a person...no be today we know say they can.

Or can they?

Another Bach Eve, and of course...my boys book another fancy club/hotel, block book their rooms and block the streets with their fancy cars. No be today.

The bus loads of chics roll up, all clad (or not) in various apparels and at different stages of undress to join in send off this soon to be wed to his own version of marriage-bliss or curse, we can only wish him well.

As usual, there are other fellas from other organizations there, who though they have less funds to philander with represent nonetheless with comparable swagger...and to the females with bulging and calculating eyes...there is no difference.

Of note was this particular dude, he was dancing with almost all the fine and 'gifted' chics.  Grinding, grinning and obviously having the time of his life. No sooner do you see him and some chic in a corner smooching and exchanging numbers, than you'd see him with another repeating the same ritual. Someone pointed him out and we couldnt quite place who he was affiliated to...but hey!

While nursing my diet coke by the bar, I found him by my side taking a break and remarked on how he was quite the ladies man. He laughed and said " Baba, if only I was half of what you guys are, dem for hear am". He had been telling the girls he was another 'Oyel Big Boi' and tales of his many brushes and narrow escapes with MEND et al and of course the ladies were lapping it up and licking his 'kini' (he swears by this) believing they were snaring a big fish.

According to him, "Afteral, why else do you think these chics willingly come to Bach Eves and parties of big boys? To catch a big fish. Simple"

On what he'll do when later they find out? Oh, thats easy...he'll throw it back at them for being shallow if the only reason they wanted him was because they thought he had more money than they thought he did. And of course, ' He go don already chop, numerous times by then!'

No be today wey we know say people too like money and folks who appear to have it. No be today we know say babes think they can smell money on a person...no be today we know say they can.

Or can they?

-ManCee

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THIS THING IS HARD JOR...

There was a time when i couldn't imagine not being on blogger for a week. These days, tis hard to actually be on blogger at least once in a month.

When i think about my blogger history, the why i started it and what it helped me with and ALL the wonderfully correct peeps i was opportuned to meet on blogger...i almost feel like a friend was telling me she felt about church;

She said when she was yet unmarried, she had a lot of time to spend in church. Moreover, all the people who were "her type" were there in church as she had always been a church girl herself. Fast forward 10years later, she has a family to look after; a husband and 2 toddlers and my friend was fretting that she no longer had time to be so so involved in church activities. According to her, the preacher man was insinuating that because they all now had what they wanted, they have neglected God and "His work".

I laughed and noted to her how the preacher man was just being either a selfish something something or just couldn't see beyond his pious nose. God would definitely expect these hardworking women to spend more time taking care of their homes which is the bedrock of the faith and the society in general. Perhaps Preacher Man should focus on the unmarried "youth" and let married folks be responsible devouts.. As opposed to just being devouts.

Same way, I like to think Blogsville will understand my absence and not chalk it down to another ingrate that came, took and disappeared. I am doing my part in encouraging more new folks to blog even if I can't make the time like I would love to.
Man, tis hard balancing this with the responsibilities life and work have thrusted on me. But I'm confident that y'all understand that ManCee can't forget you, even when I don't remember.

Compliments of the season.

Stay smiling
-ManCee

TAMING A CWY BABY

Pally1: I want to come back home oooooooo:'(
ManCee: Who chase you b4?
Pally1: Me ;;)
ManCee: So....
Like I said before...
"QUIT WHINING":|
Pally1: :*cwying* I'll whine all I want
ManCee: Cwy cwy baby :p
Pally1: Leeme o ehen
ManCee: Cwy cwy baby
Na you go taya
When you taya
You no go cwy again.
Pally1: ROFL
ManCee: *chuckle*
Pally1: A cwy poem, ROFL
ManCee: Lol
As old as I can remember....
My mum used to chant it for my lil sis
Pally1: Lol
Never heard it. She was a cwy baby like me?
ManCee: Chic cwied for next to no reason. Wakes cwying sef. I swear up till primary schl o
Pally1: Lol. Is she the last born?
ManCee: Till my mama cured her
ManCee: No o...
Pally1: Wht did she do?
ManCee: Oh! One of those early-morning-wake-up-cwying-sessions....I heard sounds that resembled drum beating...
Actually, the sound woke me..
Pally1: What was the sound?
ManCee: I heard my sister voice...Man of the house, I sprung to action...
With speed to make Clark Kent green..I sped to the corridor
Pally1: Lol
ManCee: With speed to make Bruce Wayne cower I pieced together the puzzle...
There was my beloved sister cowering in a corner
Pally1: Oya na... *skipping impatiently from side to side*
ManCee: Next to her my dear mother. My sister's face was dotted with surprise.. My mother's with satisfaction
Pally1: Lol. What did she do? What did she do?
ManCee: The lil girl was trying to get away from the Physical Education Masters holder + educator in front of her..
ManCee: With the next raising of the bigger female's hand...I dashed forward ...Grabbed her hand, came in between the two.. "Mummy, what did she do? Why are you beating her like so..?!
And my mum who is one of the most balanced persons I know shrugged and answered...'Nothing'
... 'NOTHING'?!
Pally1: Lol
ManCee: Omg, where is her husband?
Where is the man who married this female?!
Pally1: She was just beating her for nothing!:O
ManCee: Her marbles are definitely missing more than a few
The unthinkable
The abomination!
Pally1: Lol
ManCee: Walking away to continue her morning chores, she continued...
"Everytime she cwies and ppl ask me why, I always say 'I don't know' "
But now if they do, I'll tell them I beat her.
Pally1: what did she do?
ManCee: I swear to you by the unfailing mental well being of that dear woman till date and the incredulity of my beloved sister's sustained healing till date...
The I-will-beat-you-before-you-have-a-chance-to-cry prognosis WORKED!
Our house never heard the early-morning-wake-up-cwyings again,
Pally1: ROFL
ManCee: But mama's thumping was heard at other times, for different erring child-members of the household who decided to give her a reason to remember the biblical saying that...
"In the heart of a child is madness. 'Pashan' (yoruba for cane) will remove it" O:)
And look how great we turned out. :D
Pally1: Lol
Yeah, it works all the time
God bless our mothers :)
ManCee: *Amen * may our kids be able to eventually say same for us.
Pally1: Lol. Amen oooo!

A HAUNTED MIND

A haunted man
By the stillbirth pains
Of dreams unfulfilled/ unforgotten
Preyed on
By the truism of desire
And the veracity of failure
Humbled beneath his quivering feet
(Forced into) hiding in the twines of self doubt
Solace seeking in the shadow of the past
Cowering before the promise of the future
Camouflaging in strength and resolve
Face as uncompromising as flint
Heart as vulnerable as butter
Body torn between either extreme
Head reeling in aching formulae
-formulations to predict happiness
Intelligent theories that miss the obvious truth
The transparent truth taught in nurseries
"One bad fruit don't spoil the whole bunch"
Not every soul can really be saved
'Life' happens to even the best of us

The journey is long; the trip is hard
The man who lasts is the man who is
The redemption song is a self sung one
Mental slavery and emancipation
For none but ourself can free our own mind
With no fraternity with failures of the past
No fear of the luminousity of the future
Chasing down each dream with resolve steely
With swords of desire, driving through each
A need for fresh air, to be, to breathe
To be happy, find fulfillment, and to live
And cease to be
'A haunted man'.

-ManCee

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